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Am I a bad person? some advice needed...

notsoluckyanymore's picture

Hi,Im new here,and its the first time im talking about it,cause in my country this is still taboo subject.
Year and a half ago i met a wonderful man,and despite my avoiding,he won my heart.. divorced and 2 kids. Bravo me. And it was actually pretty good for 3 months,got along great with kids even though i saw some things i didnt agree with,till i got pregnant. Bravo me again. Then it all went to hell. I guess hormones kicked in and those things i didnt agree with went from 'not so bad' to 'i cant take this'. I didnt say a word to kids,just to their dad.
Story is..they married young,she was pregnant,kid got raised by gran and aunt,mom having fun,dad having fun,he got sick of it,she didnt,gran cooked and watched a kid,aunt gave money,cleaned and bought stuff,mom and dad spent money on parties and shopping.he said he had enough,and she (cause this situation was heaven for her;she didnt do a thing) suggested another baby will save the marriage,so they had one more kid.of course,everything stayed the same.5 yrs later she left him for 23 yo and got pregnant.
Now 16yo boy,never wrote a homework,aunt did,gran carries his schoolbag to his room, aunt makes his bed,he never did any of the house work,no schoolwork,nothing. Now almost 7yo boy, yells around house,only talks about fight,manipulates his dad by softly talking like a baby,and when dad is working he shouts,saying bad words to gran and aunt,and talks against my now 3 month old. He sits and just shouting,gran give me water im thirsty,gran runs and gives water,aunt my nose is running,aunt jumps and wipes his nose..i avoid him,yes,i do,cause i told their dad a million times if he wants a family to get along,there has to be some changes,cause i dont agree i should wipe 7yo a**,excuse my language.
Year gone,nothing changed,i even considered moving out with my son,i know that its not kids fault,but im sick of putting up with them,just hearing 7yo shout im mad and i cry cause im fed up.

16yo is full time here,7yo 2days here 2days his moms mom,cause his mom never takes him to her home,just visits at her moms apartment.

Theres much more,but i already wrote a lot,im sorry..and thank you

notsoluckyanymore's picture

Thank you,but how to raise my child if his brothers are raised differently and my mother in law lives in the same house... im so so sad...
They got very dissapointed with ex wife so they judged me from the beggining..now my mil talks to my son like "you will do this with me,leave mom alone" and similar..and i cant escape it since she lives here. I feel like im a bad mom cause i let this happen, i will have to start working soon and i cant stand the thought my son will be in hands of my mil..

Rags's picture

No, you are not a bad person. You are mom wanting the best for her son and that includes shielding him from his toxic elder half brothers. Since your husband is not stepping up to protect his youngest son from his toxic elder sons then that leaves you to do it. The MIL living in your home just complicates the situation.

I wish I had a solution to recommend other than leaving but that appears to be where you are in this situation.

Take care of yourself and your son.

Good luck.

Stormyweather's picture

Personally I wouldn't wait until they changed....or hang around till they changed to suit your needs...I would take control over MY LIFE and do what needs to be done for you and your baby.

Its not their job to look after you or your baby.

If you need to leave in order to do this, then do this.

Good luck.

notsoluckyanymore's picture

Thanks for your replies..
i dont need sympathy,just comfort i guess,i knew he has kids but i didnt know mil and aunt raised them like this.
after i saw it,i thought it could change...and i didnt want my son growing up without a father like i did.

we dont have an opportunity to move out on our own unfortunatley,that would be acceptable solution..

also,im dissapointed at my husbands sister and mil,they've set up 2 savings account for both older boys when they are born.
my son got diapers and a toy. I dont need anything from them i just dont want dividing like that.

my husband is actually pretty good with my son,i cant say hes not a good father to him.

last thing is..my parents are old fashioned and thats the only place i can go. I dont think they would accept me moving back cause they believe in marriage.

notsoluckyanymore's picture

Its getting worse..
now 7yo ss is shouting all over the house,cause his dad said his child cant live in fear?! (Whispering)
He wakes up our baby of course..
Yesterday he woke the baby and my husband said if i dont like it i should get a hotel room.

im desperate...and seriously considering leaving,i just dont know where to.

Got noone to talk about it and im in a bad place Sad

notsoluckyanymore's picture

I have no family close,they are 300km away..
and its so cold outside and lots of snow,im trapped with my 4month old baby.

I just dont know what to do anymore...

notsoluckyanymore's picture

Aunt is always here,just sleeping in her apartment, everyone else living in the same house.

Granpa,granma,dh,me and kids. 7yo is more here than at mums cause shes got some rules, here we dont.
not going to school yet..

im not working yet,no..

They keep waking the baby for heavens sake..