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SDIL returning xmas gifts

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:09pm

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Adult Stepchildren

DH and I got sgs2 a cute toy for xmas. We thought it was great and something that gs would love. We put our thought, time and $$$ into buying this gift. Tonight SS and SDIL come over with sgrands and she returns the gift saying it's too annoying to be at their house, she says we can keep it at ours.

I was polite to her and put the toy in the box we keep the rest of the toys for sgs in. I've never had anyone just hand back a gift and say it's annoying. Is this rude behavior or am I just overreacting?

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:18pm

yes, it played music, sang the ABC's, lit up etc. sgs loved it, sdil not so much.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:19pm

Yeah, I thought it was obnoxious and rude. Next year sgs is going to get socks and SDIL is getting a lump of coal!

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:21pm

Yes. Rude. Very rude to hand it back and call it obnoxious.

But live and learn. In future you can buy books and soft toys only.

Think of it this way, SDIL just saved you a shit ton of money because you'll never have to buy electronic toys for GS. }:)

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:26pm

You're right, live and learn. I've got to remember not to take this personally. SDIL is 20 something and raised in a different time, entitlement, me me me. Sadly I don't think I'll buy sgs anything in the future, that'll be completely DH's job. If they bring back gifts I'll have them hand them to him.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:30pm

To be perfectly honestly, if she does that again (hopefully not but she sounds like a brat), I would smile, thank her and tell her "I bet some lucky kid at the local women's shelter is going to love this toy!"

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:50pm

I so wish I would have said that to her! I'll have it rehearsed if there is a next time.

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Fri, 01/30/2015 - 12:43am

BINGO!

tiny kitten's picture

Submitted by tiny kitten on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:40pm

Her age has nothing to do with it. I'm 25 and I think it's an unbelievably rude thing to do.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 10:40pm

I think you need to lighten up, and look at the humor in this.

Come on, let's be honest. You bought them an obnoxious toy perfect for entertaining kids and driving parents insane. I do this to my SIL on purpose for fun, and she knows it is a joke. Seriously, every year I find the WORST kid toy out there to grate her nerves. The kids LOVE them. She, on the other hand, finds creative ways for them to *die*.

Lighten up already. She could have thrown it out or given it away, but at least she loves you enough back to let you suffer with it a bit!

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 01/24/2015 - 11:14pm

I suppose this is the healthiest and most humorous way to look at it. Though I can't imagine myself returning the kids gifts to my in-laws. My kids are good little trained monkeys that say thank you and how much they love whatever gifts they get. Making it "die" or donating it to the thrift store would have been a better option to help step grandmother dearest (me) save face.

I think I will donate it to the women's shelter so I don't have to be reminded of it. Then I will lighten up already Wink

DH begged me to help shop for xmas gifts for the sgrands to I did. Next year it's all on him, if he asks I'll suggest socks or a gift card.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 12:32pm

No no no no no no.

There will never ever be a good reason to return a gift to someone telling them they didn't like it.

You can re-gift it. If it's food, you can have a bite and leave the rest. You can write a review on amazon.com about how horrible the item is.

I understand that in some situations, like with you and your SIL, this kind of thing is an in-joke. But that was not this situation.

On that note, I'm guessing the OP got something like LeapFrog Learn and Play Musical Table. Which my mom got for my daughter. Which has an off button. :evil:

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:33pm

We found with the very loud toys - if you put Sellotape over the speaker bit if muffles the sound - kid can still play and love the toy but those around aren't as irritated.

Yes those toys can be very annoying, BUT - its still incredibly bad manners to hand it back and tell you its annoying.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 3:24am

My parents and some good friends of theirs traded annoying gifts for their youngest children for years. My younger brother and their youngest daugther were within a few weeks of each other in age. At the time they were toddlers. Drums, symbols, Speak and Spells, etc..... It was a running joke between the parents.

What your SDIL did is rude, however, some toys are just intollerable when it comes to noise.

IMHO of course.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:02pm

I used to trade toys with friends when my kids were young too since kids go through toy phases so fast. The toys would get rotated around the families and eventually donated to the thrift store.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 01/26/2015 - 2:01am

Yep, us too. That is a great idea IMHO. My Skid is 18mos older than my niece, my nephew is 2 years behind my niece and my other nephew is 4 years behind his elder brother. Winter coats, toys, etc.. got rotated and donated.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Submitted by shes driving me... on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:23am

Oh boy, the absolute ignorance of the younger generation. This was a wrong thing to do, she should have just kept it and kept it out of the child's reach if it bothered her.

Goes to what I have been saying about the younger generation doesn't have any manners or concern about others.

I know it hurts, but try not to let it bother you and consider the source and the ignorance. She is a selfish cow to deny her child the opportunity to play and enjoy the toy because it bothers her.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:05pm

definitely different than my day. I asked DH if he ever returned any gifts to his in-laws, "No, but but but...." then a whole litany of excuses for his son and DIL. Then it was turned around on me telling me that I was the one over thinking all of this. That's Ok DH, you're on your own for the cute lil spawn next year.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:06pm

I will Smile

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 11:57am

I have a 10yo Wiggles guitar you can give to her next year!!! She may appreciate educational toys after listening to the Fruit Salad song for 2 hours.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:08pm

Oh yes please! I was so glad when my kids grew out of the wiggles phase. Though the guy in the yellow shirt was kinda cute. I had a weird frumpy mom crush on him Lol

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:36pm

Oh no, it was always Anthony for me (blue wiggle) He was in a band here in the 80's - the Cockroaches. So I knew him from his pre-Wiggles days.

My kids had the wiggles guitar, it was handed down amongst them LOL

On another note - my younger two just auditioned to be dancers in the latest Wiggles DVD currently filming here.... they didn't get in but the dancers that did are all from there dance school - so next Wiggles DVD - check out those dancers LOL they are my kids classmates (and the Characters are being played by two of their teachers!)

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 01/26/2015 - 2:10pm

That's cool that you have such a connection to the Wiggles. Funny that you liked Anthony. I know a few other mom's who had crushes on the Wiggles too. One mom friend thought that the blond guy in the red shirt was the bomb.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:10pm

The things we suffer through for our kids. I agree that sdil shouldn't have made the display of giving it back.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:19pm

"What about starting an education savings fund in leiu of toys?" I would be totally fine with that and if they want to be snarky and return it to us then even better!

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:17pm

"'here is x amount of money please pick out what YOU want them to have from me". I like this idea. We did ask SDIL what to get the boys, the older one wanted Pokemon stuff and they said something age appropriate for the baby. DH was in charge of shopping for his side of the family and me mine but last minute he had work related stuff come up and asked me to shop for the boys.

Next year DH is totally in charge. We talked about it today and I suggested just getting them gift cards or money. Guess I'll see what he chooses to do.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 01/25/2015 - 8:28pm

Thank you for all your comments and great ideas. I think the main problem was that I was taking care of stuff that DH was responsible for. His kids, his DIL, his grands, they are all HIS responsibility. I'm happy to be supportive but I know now not to do it for him. If he wants to spoil them at Christmas then HE needs to do the footwork, not me. My efforts are not appreciated. I'm not really the grandma, they are his, not mine.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 01/26/2015 - 2:16pm

It's a conundrum as to what to do with those unwanted gifts. I'm sure she was not intentionally trying to be rude she's got some learning to do and so do I. As my screen name says I'm "still learning." This is my first run at being "grandma" so this experience will serve me well in the future. As I said in an earlier post, DH hooked me into the shopping last year but it's all on him from now on.