BM went to jail for DUI
BM went to jail for DUI and has been there for 2 months. She has 5months left on her sentence. I'M GOING TO PASS OUT.
SS11 and SS8 were in BM's custody full time and we got them every other weekend before this. Now DH filed for emergency custody and we have then around the clock now. The behavior issues started within 2 weeks of staying with us. Skids are going through a LOT themselves and are old enough to understand what jail is. In front of Skids DH acted like he was so sorry BM was in jail but really he is thrilled! He has been granted full custody and is considering keeping full custody even after BM gets out. It has been hell in my house. Skids used to like me and I didn't spoil them to death but we all enjoyed our visitation time.
I'm not trying to replace mom I am trying to help them through a tough time, and logistics still need to be worked out such as me driving them to school, cooking dinner, etc which are things I do for them now (and don't mind but don't like the crap I get for it). Screaming, crying, tantrum throwing and KICKING Dad. We need to see a therapist. I am at a loss right now.
Shit shit shit shit
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2 months for a DUI? has she
2 months for a DUI? has she had multiple DUI's or was someone hurt? I guess where im from DUI you stay until you make bail usually a day or 2...3 if its on a weekend?
This is her 3rd offense
This is her 3rd offense within a five year period. Could have been up to 24 months
good lord, here a 3rd is 12
good lord, here a 3rd is 12 months max - 10d jail time w/ 11m 20d probation (but if u screw that up they can put u in jail for the rest of time)
YES ya'll need therapy. and you and dh need to sit down and come up with a division of labor, big time.
dh got emergency custody a year and a half ago, then full custody. the transition wasnt too godawful bad to begin with, as things had already progressed to where they ended up being w/ us more than 50% anyway. but yss is getting progressively worse w/ his behavior issues, especially since contact w/ dumbass is sporadic, at best.
please talk to him about discipline, correction, and teaching. some FT sm's discipline, i dont. i can and do correct, tho', but sometimes dh has his head up his ass and has a problem w/ it. and i'll teach them anything they want to know, as long as they listen w/o attitude - if i catch crap, i'm out.
actually, with ANYTHING that i catch crap for, i'm out. i've disengaged one by one on issues i continuousley caught crap for. i dont cook for them, i dont do their laundry, and i dont pick up after them. i dont transport them anywhere unless it's physically impossible for dh, or i FEEL like doing HIM a favor.
this is how i handle things. but they are things to keep in mind that WILL come up and will leave you stressed and resentful, so it might be better in your situation to address it together before you ever get to that point.
ALSO - print this out for
ALSO - print this out for your dh -
http://powertochange.com/sex-love/support-stepmom/
someone here shared that a day or two ago and i loved it. the guy who wrote it is non-custodial, BUT the things he says are even MORE important for custodial.
Just because he's gotten
Just because he's gotten custody while she's in jail doesn't mean he can just decide to keep them when she's out. MOST states will hand them right back over to their mother as soon as she is out of jail. Try to think positive
I dunno, with 3 DUI's in such
I dunno, with 3 DUI's in such a short period of time.... a judge would be awful crazy to give those kids back to her. I think.
8 and 11 year old KICKING an
8 and 11 year old KICKING an adult? What the hell? What's with the violence?
It sounds like it is time for
It sounds like it is time for a reset in your house. Do you think your husband would support you if the two of you sat the kids down and expressed sympathy for their situation changing and that you understand that things are difficult because of the changes but that there are certain rules that need to be followed and that there will be consequences if they are not. Then set out the rules and consequences for them. If you wanted you could also put in there some nice things like particular times in the week when you will have family time or that friday nights you take turns to choose what you all eat for dinner or which movie you watch together.
Rules about respecting each other, doing chores and homework etc would be a good place to start. Writing them down and putting them on the fridge lets you all have a point of reference and it also empowers you to enact consequences if the kids are disrepectful to you or misbehave.
Though I hardly comment on
Though I hardly comment on personal issues but I think you really need family counselling as well as a good DUI lawyer that you can find at http://www.duilawyerlosangeles.com/. Though things won’t be fixed overnight but yes, over few months, things will fall again to normal if not good.