BS Wouldn't go to SD's for Christmas
DH and I have a BS - mid teens. SD is mid 30's with 3 kids of her own. I have been disengaged for quite some time now and had no intention of going to a christmas get-together at her house (2 hours away).
DH of course was going and was very excited to see Gkids etc. He wanted our son to go and was very pushy and upset that BS wouldn't go. BS is very aware of the terrible treatment by SD and SD has not been very nice to BS over the years either.
I think he is done with her too. DH was very upset and expected me to help convince him to go. I said no, that i support whatever BS decides. I also said the best way to heal from hurt is to stay away from whoever causes the hurt. They (2 SD's / SD's hubby) have hurt my sons feelings MANY times. They have been downright cruel to him at times.
So DH caused a big scene and left. We were having such a nice holiday until this. He is OK with me disengaging but insists our son partake in the step shit.
How do we handle this ?? I feel like writing DH a big long letter explaining everything all over again but He hates hearing anything negative about his precious princess.
Again - last night I hardly slept from the stress and had to take a sleeping pill 
If he had wanted them to have
If he had wanted them to have a decent sibling relationship, he should have done something about his daughters treating BS so bad. I don't blame BS, or you for backing him up, one bit.
Don't let it stress you out, it's his problem and he'll get over it.
"I feel like writing DH a big
"I feel like writing DH a big long letter explaining everything all over again but He hates hearing anything negative about his precious princess." Just wondering if this would have any positive result or create any change of view in your DH. Actions speak louder than words. Your DH has exhibited many times where his priorities lie, and he was unnecessarily dramatic about it so he could get his way.
If your DH was in your son's place he would want to voluntarily visit someone who is cruel to him. They say the best way to stop children from having tantrums is to ignore them. Your DH does not deserve attention for his tantrum. I'm wondering why he is making such a big deal of it anyway other than to get a rise out of you and this is not a good example for your son. Calmly, but firmly, inform DH that your son does not want to go. If DH has a tantrum walk away from him.
Oh that's just awful,
Oh that's just awful, 20years.... I am so sorry your holiday was ruined to the point of losing sleep.
I think you guys need some family therapy. You and DH, that it. As everyone else is saying, he needs to figure out how to navigate the waters in this complicated family constellation and protect you and your son from bad treatment. I would not even leave it to your son's disretion to decide whether to go: until there is concrete progress in regulating family relationships, drawing boundaries, etc, I would refuse to let my son go to people who are hurtful.
In my family with DH we do not have any "ours" kids, but in my first marriage I had stepkids as well and my boys are their half-siblings. It was a much healthier family unit overall but i have to tell you, my boys' ( 15 and 18) 35-year-old half-sister with two kids of her own is totally indifferent to them - which is fine. They see her sometimes, there is no warmth there, but no bad treatment either. Which is enough. Your DH needs to temper his expectations of family cohesion. Coexistence may be all he could hope - and work - for.
I would do they same. Stand
I would do they same. Stand your ground. Like another poster said, if your DH had put little princess in her place when she hurt DS, then this could have been avoided. He was part of the problem instead of being part of the solution. Now he has to pay the price.
So DH went and had a great
So DH went and had a great time. YSD didnt give our son a gift because he is upset with his older half sister - SD that caused all the problems. So YSD jumped on the bandwagon to shun my BS TOO.
DH didnt notice and I pointed it how hurtful that is for our BS. He made a million excuses and said it was probably an oversight. Typical.
He ended up calling YSD to find out what happened and she said she was supporting her older sister by ignoring our son at Christmas. She also said that it is all my fault that BS is upset with SD since I must be filling his head with lies about SD.
DH did not defend me. He said yes but this has nothing to do with BS and you hurt his feelings. He basically let YSD bash me too. The same shit that went on with OSD. I am so hurt by my DH. IT seems he still hasn't learned what the right thing to do is.
You are step-aside. NO means
You are step-aside. NO means NO. DH is reaping what he has sown. He doesn't like it.
Too bad - I dont enjoy being treated like crap just to please the haters.
My sis thinks I should call
My sis thinks I should call the sd's and set them straight since DH lacks the spine to do so. She also thinks I need to stand up for myself and stop expecting Dh to. She is a SM too to one 20 year old SD.
I really have no interest in engaging with either SD. You can't reason with crazy!
Can you imagine if BS HAD
Can you imagine if BS HAD gone to SD's? The outcome could have been much worse for him. Don't call SDs. They don't deserve the time or attention. And neither does DH. Leave them to stew in their own juices. When you take yourself out of the game there will be only one target left: DH.