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All I want for Christmas is ----- REVENGE

Mercury's picture

This is a rant, it is long, it might even seem crazy. I don't care how it sounds, I needed this.

I am not a religious person. I never have been. Before anyone gets too alarmed about that, let me explain how I have tried to live my life thus far (I'm in my forties now). I have always felt that because of my lack of faith in the supernatural that I have an even stronger moral obligation to those who exist in the natural world, especially my fellow human beings. There is no sky daddy looking down on me adding up my good deeds and subtracting points for bad deeds. It's all on me. I have always vowed to be good for goodness sake rather than out of fear of eternal damnation or in hopes of a pleasant afterlife. This life is the only one I've got and I have to make my mark while I'm still here. I wept when I saw the movie Pay It Forward because I thought: Finally!!! Through pop culture, this concept may just become part of EVERYONE'S social consciousness and what kind of beautiful world would this be if more people were mindful of this way of living?

When I was young and energetic, I was a social justice warrior and a civil liberties activist. Now that I'm old and tired, I spend my limited energies on people I already know and love. My motto has been that if I see someone I love suffering from a deficit of a thing I have in excess, I have no choice but to share my strengths with that person.

But that's not the whole story. There is a darkness that exists beside the light. Recently, I've been in a downward spiral called "step life". During this time I have grown stronger in my loyalties towards my loved ones and everything I mentioned above has been amplified to the max regarding those few precious people in my life. But something else has happened concurrently. I have become acutely aware of my enemies. Whereas my fights used to be against racism, sexism, homophobia, poverty, and other general evils, my recent adversaries are very real, very specific individual people. I've remained silent (with the exception of Step Talk blogs) for the past two and a half years while these people poked around in my life with malicious intent for no other reason than this: I had the NERVE to fall in love with the man they were used to dumping their toxic dysfunction on. I became a hate target as well.

I'm done with it. I'm done silently brushing them off. I'm done being the silent supporter for my most beloved loved one. I'd rather be an avenger now.

I want to jump on the Karma Bus and take control of the wheel except that I would rather it be the Karma Steamroller and instead of blessing these twats with a quick demise, I want to watch them suffer in the longest most tortuous way possible.

Oh so dramatic.

So obviously, I didn't do THAT.

Instead, I engaged in a few targeted deliberate attacks that resulted in some sort of butterfly effect that knocked over just about everyone who was on my shit list. It wasn't hard to do, I just used preexisting circumstances, fears, insecurities, and emotional weaknesses that had been revealed to me over the years as my weapons. This past week, I had a startling revelation: emotional evisceration is "my thing". I'm good at it. The people hurling stones at DH and I have hit us hard a few times, but in our quest to rise above it, I was able to catch glimpses of quite a few of THEIR weak spots. There was no holding back. Complete annihilation.

Will there be some fallout on innocent people (like me, DH, and skids)? Probably a few scratches. But without a doubt, the real pain, the big bombs, were dropped on those who dished out the most hate over the longest period of time.

Everything came to a head yesterday. I totally expected to feel guilty for being the Grinch who stole Christmas but then didn't grow a heart and give it all back, for being the Scrooge who took what the three ghosts showed him and used it to learn how to be even better at doling out the pain. I totally expected to feel guilty for being a Grade A Bitch. I don't. I feel strangely at peace.

Comments

Mercury's picture

This just happened:

I was about to type out some vague details for hereiam, when I got two texts from DH.

Not only is there no fallout over our house (yet) but it now appears we actually got something HUGE and BEAUTIFUL out of it.

I would like to be less cryptic but sometimes I think it's wiser to reveal the details after the dust has settled a bit. I hardly ever give play by plays in here. Just in case.

Totalybogus's picture

My motto has always been, don't get mad,get even. Good for you.

I love your life philosophy!

Ljcapp1's picture

I hope you found out if BM had you tailed by the police...

Whatever it is - YOU ROCK and I love your first 2 paragraphs - you should write a blog or a book with that wit!

Mercury's picture

YES!!

She did. :jawdrop:

Fuck that bitch. And she called the cops on DH the last time he came over to get his kids on his court ordered time.

Unfreakingreal's picture

I want some of the details too! What types of bombs were they? I need some tips, there's a few people I'd like to completely annihilate!

Mercury's picture

Fine.

I don't want to go into what I said. It was bad. Really bad. It was aimed at MIL but it ended up affecting the entire effed up family.

BM has been steadily ramping up the crazy for several months and December has been especially bad. So bad that we spoke to a lawyer last week.

Despite BM's malicious attacks (that always end up hurting the kids more than DH), DH's mother is still BFFs with this woman. So much so that she invited BM and skids over for Christmas instead of inviting DH and skids. And to add insult to injury, they were doing this on DH's court ordered time with his kids!

DH's parents always go all out for this holiday. It has always been amazing, over the top, a kid's dream come true. Hell, DH is a grown man and he still loves it. He was devastated that he was excluded this year and his ex was going to enjoy HIS family traditions instead.

That's not all. MIL also told BM things we shared with her in confidence. Her excuse was "I just wanted BM to know DH was going through something terrible right now so that she would leave him alone and let him work through it in peace". Instead, BM ramped up the crazy to the nth degree and pulled together a lame pathetic attempt(according to our lawyer)to completely take custody away from DH using what MIL told her as "evidence" that DH was an unfit father. But instead of taking it through the proper channels or even talking to a lawyer first, she just took it upon herself to withhold visitation, take away skids' electronic devices, close down their social media accounts (to make sure they couldn't talk to DH at all). Contempt, contempt, contempt.

I basically tore MIL to shreds over all of this. I did it in a way that made DH look like a saint. He is, after all, the only one of her children who still talks to her. I used all of the painful things she had ever shared with me in confidence as weapons against her. I hit her in every sore spot she has. I was mean. I was cruel. The things I said were worse than the things she betrayed us with. She was a blubbering mess. Later that evening she sent a mass email to all of her family saying that she canceled Christmas this year and that she was also cutting BM out of her life for good.

BM hadn't done anything to prepare for Christmas. Why should she? MIL and FIL did it all. All she and the kids would have to do is show up on their doorstep Christmas morning. Now she has three days to try to pull something together. Also, DH is taking his kids on Christmas day, as per the CO.

MIL just texted DH today and BEGGED him to come over and bring the kids. They will be the only ones there, the rest of the family never had any intentions of visiting. They have been burned in different ways over the years and they are over it too. But this is a win for DH and his kids. DH still loves his parents dearly and this is exactly what he wanted all along. I won't attend and he's bummed about that but he understands.

Side note: I said I didn't feel guilty about stealing Christmas and I still don't. However, I'm cringing at the things I said to MIL. I wish I would have been kinder. Oh well.

Mercury's picture

New reply from BM:

A bunch of boo-hoo poor me garbage ending with "I guess I'll try to see my family on Christmas."

LMAO. No shit, BM. Why wasn't that the original plan?

Ljcapp1's picture

I can't understand why in-laws keep in contact with the ex's, and your MIL is stupid to invite BM over instead of her own son. BM HAS a family, her x-mas should be with them not your in-laws. I'm glad you let her have it and you did the right thing.

I can't wait to see what your attorney does to shit-for-brains BM. Wink }:) Keep us posted - I have a feeling she's in for a ride.

Tuff Noogies's picture

she said why when she screamed "SHE IS FAMILY AND SHE WILL AAALLLWWAAAAYYYSSS BE FAMILY". oh wait, that was my own mil.....

but it does make me wonder if merc's mil had the same sort of twisted thinking?