Stay home! How dare he talk to his daughter (your sd) as his companion and treat you like some child!

Nope, get a room at the nicest spa or resort in proximity to the Skids and stay the hell away from sleeping under the same roof with your DH's XW.

Visit them each day after a nice dinner, relaxing sauna and massage and cocktails and don't forget to comment about how wonderfully relaxed you and DH are. }:) }:) }:)

Have fun.

Even if BM didn't live there, I would say get a room.

Do not stay in the same house with DH's ex. Being a houseguest/entertaining a houseguest is stressful enough even when everyone likes everyone else. When there already is a strain, all of you will be miserable, even if all of you try your best. You two need to stay in a hotel. He can spend as much time with DD as he wishes. And you can spend enough time with them to be polite. DH and you do not have to spend the same amount of time with DD's family. Your other choice would be to let him go alone, and you stay home and rest. Were it me, I would stay home and let DH go alone.

Wow, that Dh of yours is certainly full of himself. Tell the cheap a** he either forks out for a hotel room or 1) have a nice trip without you, 2) ask him if it's ok if you bring along your ex-DH/SO/BF 3) tell him the divorce papers will be waiting for him when he returns.

I'm a pretty tolerant person. I can and d suck it up and manage to get their a few social events in the same vicinity of a person/s I don't particularly like and/or get along with but can remain civil. I'd draw the line though on what your DH is suggesting and telling you. Appropriate or not wouldn't be in my lines of thought. Nope. Just isn't happening. Period.

Wit's end
I have dealt with a very similar problem for years. Dh has daughters who have lived with mom for the entire time we have been married. Originally the adult daughters and their children were camped out at the ex's when she still owned her own home. Now they and mom rent a large home coverted into a tri plex.

We now live out of state and several hours drive from them, so his visits include over night stays. Ex always ends up included in what ever is going on at the sds apartments. After all it's only a matter of walking through a doorway and she has arrived. It has always aggregated me when he would call home announcing he spent the night there. Not because I worried about anything going on between dh and ex, but because I always felt he could have visited there and then traveled an hour to visit the sd that lives elsewhere for the night.

Knowing that sds consider me as just the next insignificant female in dad's life, I thought they were enjoying and fulfilling their own fantasies of " we are the family" and I being the outsider. Although ex, sd's and dh are all quick to claim innocence of any hurtful intentions , I find it hurtful. I honestly do not believe he would be invited to stay or assume he could if I was tagging along.

The last time dh visited, he came home from the visit and told me that he had invited the ex to join him when he took the sd out to dinner at a restaurant. There was a big chill at our home for 6 weeks while I repeatedly told dh " make choice, divorce or never do this again, " this was not going to become a new standard in our 16 yr marriage. Once something is started it becomes considered acceptable and expected to continue.

I find it surprising that dh and you would both be invited to stay the night together. I think my sd's would never want to insult their mom by allowing me to stay in the same bed as dh, and under the same roof as mom. On the other hand I think they do enjoy knowing it probably bothers me that " they are all family" when dh visits.

I know I would not be staying there and I am sure if the tables were turned and your DH was expected to stay at the same house as your ex he would say NO. Even if you get along and his ex is polite to you, there is going to be a strain with having that many adults under one roof and not to mention the dynamics that go along with your situation and since the thought of it makes you feel awkward you need to get a hotel with DH.

He can alone, then. Ridiculous.

Your DH has made it clear this is not a one time only event and he has plans to make it the norm, based on what you overheard: "they (me and the ex) will just have to get used to it."

Get used to it? Where the hell does he get the nerve to tell two adults (you and exW) that you MUST spend this kind of intimate time together and not ASK? Because really, it's pretty intimate when you two women will have to share the same household with each other. Plus, it sounds like there is a strange dynamic with him and his adult daughter (precious daughter mini-wife). Perhaps the SD would love to see some fireworks between her Daddy's "women" because maybe she feels she's ultimately number one in his life?

I'd say stay home or at a hotel. No way would I allow this to start - because once you do, he will expect it to be the norm.

Just the fact that he feels he could even suggest this to you is astounding to me.

It's crazy that he would suggest this, but hey, men are dumb sometimes, so I probably would have just said, "No, honey, we will not be staying with your ex wife, we will be getting a hotel."

However, the fact that he and SD had a little convo about how the two of you (you and BM) would just have to "get used it"... That kind of disrespect would put me over the edge. What are they? The two sane adults deciding how to get the children (you) to behave? Now the visit would be cancelled, and DH put on permanent probation until he figured out who his WIFE was and who his CHILD was. No way would I let that go.

I agree put him in PROBATION until he gets his head on straight( the head on his shoulders). Your DH thinks he has balls the size of Texas.

Not sure if you work or have your own money, but I would just go ahead and make reservations at a motel nearby. Then I would tell DH he is welcome to stay in the motel with me, or go stay at his daughter's house with his ex. If he chooses to stay with the ex, then I would think a divorce might in the works. That's just nuts. No way would my DF even ask me if I would stay in the same house with his ex.

Not sure if you work or have your own money, but I would just go ahead and make reservations at a motel nearby. Then I would tell DH he is welcome to stay in the motel with me, or go stay at his daughter's house with his ex. If he chooses to stay with the ex, then I would think a divorce might in the works. That's just nuts. No way would my DF even ask me if I would stay in the same house with his ex.

Clearly this man is out of his mind.

Nope ....Not now, not ever. It is disrespectful to both you and his ex. No love is lost between me and DHs ex. But I will not allow her to be disrespected for something she has no control over.

Although I think I can trump this...
DH and I were planning a trip out of the country. My own daughter thought that as her dad and SM (my ex and his wife) may be visiting from Australia at the same time they could stay at our place and take care of the dogs etc while we are away.

After I had finished blowing her up over the phone I excommunicated her for a month. She asked me what my problem was.. I asked her if she would be so generous with her house towards her daughters father and SM. She got the point and knows never to suggest it EVER again.

No should be enough.

Then rip him a new one about his comment you overheard about you and BM getting used to it.
Ask him if SD is warming his bed at night....tell him he can just get used to it being cold and lonely for him
Until he remembers who is his wife now.
What an ass.

I say skip this visit all together.
Book yourself into a spa with some friends and have a massage. Hot stones are nice.
Your DH clearly needs to get his back from SD.

Peace. And Joy.

Your husband is a giant ASS.

When DH and I first married we went to an event where we camped RIGHT NEXT to his ex gf who's 15 years older than me, jealous and was crying right in front of us that DH and I got married. DH had this great idea that we'd all just get along. ex gf was asking DH to help her set up camp, um no didn't happen. Later ex gf's sister had a party and invited DH and I. DH was close to the sister and her husband and wanted to go, I told him to have a good time. He didn't go, we will never go camping with his nasty bitchy ex gf again. I would never stay in the same house as BM. Someone earlier said men make stupid decisions, yes they do.

Tell DH absolutely not. You'll either be in a hotel or at home. Hope he has a great trip! Speak up and create some strong boundaries and let hubby get used to it.

Sounds like your DH watched too much of that old Reba show.

DH wouldn't be caught in the same restaurant with BM much less walk in to any house that she was also in. It would be like voluntarily putting your foot in a bear trap.

This is absurd. Your DH thinks so very little of you that he would expect you to stay in the same house with the ex. You don't owe this to him at all. Please ask him how he would respond if you wanted him to stay with your ex. If you go at all, it should be at a restaurant where the ex is not invited. Just say, "No, no and NO!" And tell HIM to get used to it!

I would never spent the night ay my H's daughter's house. EVER. I do not put myself into uncomfortable situations, on their "turf," for more than an hour or two when it comes to his kids. My H knows this and respects this. He wouldn't even ask for anything beyond that! lol He would know it's a no go. Beyond graduations and weddings, we always steer clear of BM. His daughter and ex try once or twice a year to contrive some need for them all to be in the same room, but my hubby knows that WE are the central family now. His kids and my kids will always be welcome into our core of a family (my H and I, as partners), but his kids refuse to accept that is now the case (it's been 5 years now). Their loss, as they see their father once or twice a year because they refuse to set foot on MY turf -- works for me.

I'm always amazed at what people put up with here!!

They are all crazy. Him for thinking it was okay and SD for thinking that she rules everyone else's lives and decisions.

No way would I do this and I would not give a hoot what husband felt about it, especially if he thinks you just need to accept it. I would either back out of the trip or make hotel reservations but I certainly would not stay in the same house as my husband's ex!

Don't do it. I was asked to attend a dinner for my DH and his daughter to reconcile from his ex turning the daughter against him for 15 years. Ended up my DH and ex started talking again and he even when to see her several times. All of this was hid from me until I busted it up last year. He said nothing happened he had to do it to get to know his daughter again. It caused us to re-evaluate our marriage and thousands in therapist fees. We are still together but it is stressful every time he talks to his daughter for me. He broke it off whatever it was with the ex but it still triggers things for me that are hard to deal with. You two need to get a room. The SD is grown and your husband and ex are divorced now. So she doesn't need to be involved in the relationship between you husband and your SD anymore the girl isn't 10 years old

No you do not have to get used to it. What a douche!