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CO phone calls. I hate them (sorry this got long)

Biomomof2's picture

Ok. So in my court order my bios call me at 7pm on Saturday while at BF. I don't keep them on the phone long. Both have told the therapist it is hard to talk at dads because he always will guilt them after if they so much as say they miss me. It turns into oh, so you would rather be with your mom? Guess you don't love dad. Blah blah blah. So I just check in with them. Tell them I love them and will see them Monday. I always include try to enjoy your time with dad. And I'm off the phone. There is no need to drag it out.
BFs court order time is Tuesday and Thursday. Call between 7-730. This has been reworked sooo many damn times. The first was "reasonable contact" Bf called 41 times in 18 hours. It wasn't "reasonable to him" that we all had the flu and he didn't get to talk to his child's for 24 hours. Crazy. So I reques the exact days. And they call him. Sooo in that order it stated 7-730pm. BF is an ass. I have voicemails saved of him saying "I don't think you understand, it's my 1/2 an hour. If I want to spend that listening to my kids fucking breathing I will. The kids got off the phone 10 minutes early. You better call me back or I'm reporting you". Judge was less then impressed with BF and we reworded it again. It states now " children will call father on Tuesday and Thursday between 7pm and 730 pm. Children do not need to be on the phone longer then 5 minutes total between both children unless the child chooses to talk. Children will make the call"
It is crazy that it had to go to that. I thought that would be the end of that. Well, of course NOT!!!! Now, I have blogged about the issues with DD and BF. She really doesn't want to talk. I'll tell her time to call dad and I get ugh do I have to, I don't want to!!! Anyways, anyone with an IPhone knows how easy it is to heard what is being said on the other end. BF has made her promise to talk longer to him, has threatened that she will be grounded over the weekend if she doesn't come up with things to talk about, and promised kittens, new clothes, trips to the mall, her favorite food, threatened getting rid of her cat (why get a child an animal they see 4-6 days a month?!?!?!) threatened to break her iPad, break the Minecraft disk she and BS bought with their allowance... It goes on and on. All because BF wants her on the phone with him.
BS or DD have been sick with strep throat, had the flu, once DD was literally in the middle of getting sitches in her chin and BS was at home and it continues. There is no reason good enough to him for them to not stay on the phone forever with him.
And he talks o them like adult friends. Will talk about this date or this girl or a problem at work or even heard him talking to BS about come chicks ass he saw walking down the street.
I personally would love for the phone calls to stop. I will give up talking to them on weekends they are with dad just to be done with the crap involved in him talking to them. He made a big deal in court about how he doesn't get to see them and would at least like the phone calls. BUT I didn't think it out, and the twice a year he has them for a week, I still only get Saturday calls. Sooo he has kinda blown his own side. If it is sooo important he stay in touch with them, then the reverse would be true while he has them for a week. I wasn't thinking about that fluke week he has them for a year and didn't get it in the order.
I have phone records that show just how uncomfortable they are talking to me around dad. And that I do let them talk with dad.
Since I'm going back to court anyways (trail Jan 30th) should I just ask to have this calls canceled??? Do I reword it be pending on the outcome of court??
For example outcome of trail is BF has no overnights with DD and only 1 overnight (Saturday, this is requested due to BF not working on BS OCD/Aspergers ticks and actually is harming his progress because "BS should be able to be himself while with me. So I will not work on the behavior modifications) with BS every 1st and 3rd Saturday a month. So maybe reword it to be children will call BF every 2nd and 4th Tuesday??!? Or just ask they be removed all together?!?!??

Comments

Biomomof2's picture

Wow. Ok. So you think everything BF has said to them is ok?? And they should what?!? Take my phone, and head off to their room?? They are not always right next to me, there are even times BS has put it on speaker ... But sorry I'm not responsible for BFs behavior.
The threats ARE NOT OK!!!!!
And yes, when I have 41 calls in 18 hours I took him back to court (guess what it's called Harrassment. And most of you all would flip if it was BM doing it.
And yes, when he was calling the cops because the kids didn't sit on the phone for 30 minutes I took him back to court and played he voicemail. The judge was pissed. Right after this Bf took me to court for contempt in. Regards to the calls, but he is an ass. The dates weren't real. He included days he had them, and days he made police reports on, then testified differently then the police report. The entire thing was thrown out. I do have them call every TUe and Thursday. Sometimes I can hear what he says, sometimes I'm doing dishes, sometimes the kids put it on speaker. But Thanks for you opinion.
And no, I do not PAS my kids. I have done everything I can think of to reinforce a healthy relationship between them and their dad. Guess what??? It's now time to protect them. I have an RO against him because of issues, I have sole legal custody because of all the issues. My focus right now is what's best for them. And it's their therapist that told me how to handle it.

BSgoinon's picture

That is exactly where I stopped reading "TRY to have a good time at dads". What they do at their dads house is absolutely NONE of your business. If they had a good time, if they sat and stared at each other all day, it is not your concern. Now, if they are in danger, yeah.... you need to get involved. BUT if you are just demeaning their relationship with their BF, you are just as wrong as he is. Possible he is even making those comments as an attempt to combat YOUR PAS tactics.

You are both wrong and immature. Sorry...

Teas83's picture

I agree. I completely see the OP's side on some of this, but I agree that it's not right for her to tell the kids to "try" to have a good time at their dad's. Our BM says the same kind of thing to SD and I hate it.....it implies that something is wrong at our house and she couldn't possibly have any real fun.

If her husband is/was harassing her with phone calls, then that's not right either and I can see why she's upset. Maybe phone calls should be taken out of the CO altogether?

Biomomof2's picture

If any of you have read any of my posts involving BF and DD she has gone to the extent of telling the school counselor dad makes her really uncomfortable with how he touches her. And she reported it to the police. She DOESNT want to be there.

BSgoinon's picture

That's exactly what I was thinking.

BM once accused my DD, who was 3 at the time of "touching SS inappropriately". SS couldn't even talk at the time, but he "told" her this. He was barely 1. He could say "momma" and "daddy" and MAYBE "ball". There was NO WAY on earth he COULD have said that, much less WOULD have said that. I just have a hard time buying in to this crap.

BSgoinon's picture

That's exactly what I was thinking.

BM once accused my DD, who was 3 at the time of "touching SS inappropriately". SS couldn't even talk at the time, but he "told" her this. He was barely 1. He could say "momma" and "daddy" and MAYBE "ball". There was NO WAY on earth he COULD have said that, much less WOULD have said that. I just have a hard time buying in to this crap.

Unfreakingreal's picture

These types of situations really baffle me. I honestly never understood why BM had to call the Skids on the TWO nights that the kids were with their dad but if DH tried to call the Skids during the TWO WEEKS they were with their mom she'd ignore his calls and wouldn't let them speak to him.
So what did DH do? He stopped calling. And then he'd get "You don't love your kids! Why haven't you called them!"
Boohoo bitch, cause you're ass is a nutjob! That's why he stopped calling! DUH!

I DESPISE these types of situations. Kids shouldn't have to deal with this sort of CRAP. If a man wants to talk to his kids? Let him! Let him tell them that the sky is purple and that grass is blue with polka dots. WHO CARES? Kids aren't stupid, they'll figure things out on their own.
If you have sole custody, and they see their dad only on weekends, stop checking in on them. Assume they are SAFE and being taken care of until it is PROVEN otherwise.
If he was UNFIT, he wouldn't have unsupervised visitations.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I think I missed something.

Are you the Bio mom of these kids complaining about the Bio father? Do you have stepkids and this is O/T from the stepkids?

Biomomof2's picture

Thank you!!!! It's really great to know that other people understand the issues with crappy BFs. Sometimes this site is too quick to just defend BFs and blame BM.
It has been so extreme that we are in my bros tow 4 hours away getting ready to get on the train coming home, and BF wouldn't let them get off the phone. He sat there with BS, well, do you want to talk to me? I don't care if you have to miss the train. BS had already been on the phone 20 minutes at this point. BF dragged it out another 15 minutes with that crap. He does it a lot.

Biomomof2's picture

THIS!!!!! Sooo very true!!! I have it from all sides. EXH..DH, OSD, SGD... Some days I only like my DOG!!!! She is my best friend and we got for long walks all alone!!!

aggravated1's picture

I'm a BM and a SM, and I still think OP's story is horseshit. Unless by "multiple issues" you mean "comtrol freaks who PAS their kids"...then I apologize.

Disneyfan's picture

Maybe CPS decided the claim was unfounded. Of course that doesn't mean it was. We have all heard of abusive/neglectful BMs getting over on CPS.

The OP isn't the first bio parent to post about issues with her ex. The OP's ex is the male version of the crazy BMs posted about here.

The OP happens to have the misfortune of dealing with crap from her husband, exhusband, adult SD and step grandkid. Kudos to her for keeping it together. I know I would have snapped a long time ago if I had to deal with all of that.

Biomomof2's picture

Thank you Disney!!!!
CPS has left it to the PD, PD has turned it over to the courts.. Trail is Jan 30. PD calls it Harrassment of a minor.
This county is really poor (can't wait tell we move in Febuary) and it affects everything they do.
Had a clear RO violation on BF. No if or butts. My RO states if PD has any proof RO has been violated they are to arrest on the spot. DA has issued policy that RO violations get turned over to him. And they sit and sit and sit and sit.....

Shaman29's picture

I agree with the others, I stopped being sympathetic when I saw the "try to have fun at Dad's house" comment.

PAS, plain and simple.

I agree the phone calls should stop or you can just stop calling on your own. It's ridiculous for either parent to make these calls during what should be uninterrupted parenting time.

The only time H would call (or text) was when it would be a few weeks in between visits. This happened more and more as she got older. Otherwise there was no need for check in phone calls. It interrupted the flow of their household.

Uberskank didn't give a crap and would constantly call when skid was over spending time with us. Very annoying, even to the skid.