SS19 still has house key...why is he so mad if he doesn't want to give up the key??
So my SS19 moved out of my house about two weeks ago or so. He is soooo mad at me because I asked for the house key...which he didn't give to me by the way. As most of you know, my husband is in prison(white collar crime), he totally supports anything I say, when ss left the house to live with his non existing mom, I ask for the key, thinking he will only use the house as a hotel with his girlfriend(which never liked me and always pretended it was "their" house). He is an ungrateful boy which I still pay for his car $400 payment...AND HE IS MAD AT ME? I want to make peace with him, if he wants to come by the house I don't mind, but I seriously doubt he is going to see me because he misses me. This is so confusing to me...I wish I could have the guts to change the code to the alarm...but i'm not that evil. I guess I will have to wait out until he "trashes" my house...sad news is that I will be out of town for 4 days and he knows this....I'm mad at the fact that I know he will go into my house and use it as he pleases. Yes my husband and I built our home for us and the kids...but the moment he started trashing me to his dad, I lost all (of any)love for him...
I know he doesn't..but I love
I know he doesn't..but I love his father and whatever I do I am doing it to him. And even though he stands by my choices...it still hurts him.
Wait...so you being a doormat
Wait...so you being a doormat to your SS is going to make your DH happy? Im sure your DH would be more upset (hurt) by knowing you are being hurt by HIS son's actions and attitude unless he has always expected you to be a doormat to his kids!
Change the code. How dare he DECIDE to NOT give YOUR key back to YOUR house!!! Protect yourself PLEASE.....you are caring way too much about what SS wants/thinks and it showing me how unhealthy your actions are now as you are prepared to hurt yourself to please an ungrateful brat....why?
You are not evil. Please
You are not evil. Please change the locks, the code. You deserve some peace of mind. If you know he's going to trash your house, just don't give him the opportunity.
The man is in jail. Who
The man is in jail. Who cares if he gets upset or is hurt by what you do? There isn't a damn thing he can do about it because he's in jail.
change the locks and dont
change the locks and dont apologise. one of my skids moved out and still has keys. uses keys to come into the house even when we are home. i can see if we are not there and skid needs to come in (with our permission of course) but skid just comes in like he still lives here.
I'm sorry one of the FIRST
I'm sorry one of the FIRST things I would have done is change the locks/ and code. Your DH is in prison and you are there....THINK of your own safety before anyone else. Also, why are you still paying bills for an ADULT skid?? HELL NO !!!!
I would stop that too, and if ANYONE complains to you about these issues, stuff 'em, your own physical ( and monetary) safety MUST come first now.
He's mad at you because he
He's mad at you because he wants access to the house to come in and do/take whatever he wants. Change the lock TODAY. When my exH left, I had the lock changed within hours. He tried to get back into the house after midnight. I wasn't there - my sister took me for coffee. I got back to the house, retrieved the voicemail message on my cell, and it was him pitching a fit because he couldn't get in. 20 minutes later, he called and I answered and told him he couldn't get in because I'd changed the locks. "WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE LOCKS?!" "YOU did. When you left."
He left. CHANGE THE LOCKS.
Spawn or not, anyone who does
Spawn or not, anyone who does not respect the home does not get unsupervised access to the home. This is not brain surgery or rocket science it is just polite behavior 101.
SS-19 forfeited access to the family home when he decided to not respect you. End of issue.
Let him suffer for his actions. Re-key the locks, recode the alarm and if he tries to enter he can go away in hand cuffs when the police show up. End of problem.
Time for some unequivocal lessons and clarity for young Master SS-19.
Most importantly, don't even think about feeling guilty for brining the pain down on this snide, rude, disrespectful POS kid.
Someday he may grow up and re-earn your trust. If not, so be it.
After SS-22 finished HS when he was 18 and decided college was not for him, that he did not want to work, and that his goal in life was to ride sofa rodeo wearing our sofa into submission he learned that he had to respect and contribute to the home or he had no access to the home. After a couple of months of trying to give him clarity his mom and I came up with the chore list from hell. He did each and every chore on the list for the day or the next AM we dragged him out of bed by the ear and deposited him on the front porch in whatever he was sleeping in and we left him there all day until we got home from work. The first time he was a bit dehydrated when we got home because like most millennial kids he had never had a drink of water out of a garden hose. When he vented his anger at us when we let him in that evening about not having any water I walked him outside and turned on the garden hose and said …. “Water”. He just stared at it with a confused look on his face.
Your SS-19 needs the clarity that only feeling the pain of consequence for his behavior will bring.
So, bring the pain....and quit paying his car payment. If the car is in your name, take it back. He will learn quickly if he has no access to the family home and he is walking.
IMHO of course.
Please change the locks and
Please change the locks and alarm code. Give two month notice to stop payment on ss car at most!
You are allowing fear to run your life. You are afraid of making ss made at you. Afraid ss will not like you if you make him mad at you. Thing is, it doesn't make any difference. He will be mad at you if you allow him to continue to run over you and he will be mad at you if you stand up for yourself.
Please stand up for yourself. It is your choice, I just hope you choose to stand up for yourself before your house is trashed. You may be thinking "well, I am just not sure he will trash the house..., I need to give him a chance" No, you don't. You don't have to allow ss to trash you home to prove what you thought would happen, did, AND you don't have to sacrifice your peace of mind to prove ss will not trash your home. It is your home. SS has no RIGHT to have a key or alarm code. Please stop walking on egg shells.
Please, for your sake. Good luck sweetie!
I am not going to tell you to
I am not going to tell you to change the locks. You need to make that decision.
I will say however it seems you love your husband but you don't have faith in the love he has for you. You need to figure out why you are afraid.
You don't seem to trust that if you stand up for yourself your husband will not only understand but be happy you CAN take care of yourself. If he, your husband is unhappy with your decisions he will what?? divorce you?? not love you?? fall into despair and die??
Relationships don't work without trust. You might want to work on that part of your relationship with everyone important in your life