my boyfriends child doest want to interact with me or.my children

I have been in my relationship for almost 6 months. My boyfriends son didn't like me from the beginning. We started to get along until I started bringing my children around. He has a few issues of his own. But I feel like I have tried everything to get him to like me and accept me and my children. His father doesn't want to make him upset so he just goes with his flow and keeps him away from me and my children I don't know what to do. He has him every other day so I can't see him on the days he has his son. He won't play with my children and doesnt ever want to come to my home. His father allows this behavior and I feel like a 10 year old is running my.relationship and its putting a strain on us. Its been long enough and I am still trying to get him to like us. Help please

nana1987's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Uh... if that situation is OK

Uh... if that situation is OK by you, and OK by your BF there really isn't anything to help. Him allowing a child to control his adult relationships is insane, but obviously he's OK with that. If you aren't, (and you should not be) then you need to move on.

You can't force his son to

You can't force his son to accept you and your children, and you can't force your boyfriend to do anything about it.

A 6 month relationship is relatively short and at this point, his son's feelings are more important than yours or even his own.

Have you asked your boyfriend what happens if the two of you continue and get serious?

This may not be the guy for you. And that may not be such a bad thing, if his son has issues that your boyfriend does not want to deal with.

Oh I didn't catch that this

Oh I didn't catch that this was only 6 months. That is a pretty new relationship, so I can see why BF might not be ready to turn his kids life around to meet you and yours if he's not sure you're sticking around.

My advice? Two things.

#1, this is an excellent opportunity to open the discussion of what would happen/how would adults respond if his kid remains distant to accepting you and your kids in the future

#2, there is a good chance that he might just not be that into you. Make sure you aren't investing more in this than he is.

Well yes 6 months isn't long

Well yes 6 months isn't long but how am I supposed to cope. He says he loves me. He says he is trying. He also has said its happened to all of his relationships where his son has hated all of his past girlfriends and they left. I am trying but its hard when we want to do things together and his son shuts himself in his room his son doesn't talk when me and my children come around. But his father is starting to just ignore his behavior but that's not the answer. I'm not saying he should turn his life around but being that he is ten I thought he would try.

What his son is doing is

What his son is doing is working for him (running off all of the girlfriends) and it won't change until your boyfriend does something about it. His son doesn't have to love everybody but basic manners and some social skills should be instilled in him.

Your boyfriend is a lazy parent, choosing to ignore his son's behavior instead of doing something about it. That is very telling and doesn't bode well for the future. The older this kid gets, the harder it's going to be to do anything about it.

My husband's daughter knew from the get go that her dad was the parent and she did not get to decide who he was going to be with. And she also knew to treat people with respect. She has always been kind of timid and shy, so she didn't always say much, but she didn't purposely ignore anybody or be rude. Even at 23, she doesn't have much to say but she's not rude.

Its putting a strain on

Its putting a strain on everything. For almost two weeks we haven't seen his son. My son who is 3 yrs younger really likes him but he is so mean to him when he tries to talk to him. My kids feelings are just as important. And i feel if no progress is made with the next couple of months I have to walk away.

My 2 year old loves his

My 2 year old loves his eleven year old brother and sister. My older son is playing xbox. My daughter reading, both in older son's room. The 2 year old is playing with my sons toys. I just went in there to check on them,maybe take the 2 year old off their hands, but 2 year old closed the door on me. They are fine. Thats what can happen with large age gaps. Love and bonding. (Helps that they all live here and are blood related).....and yes I do use the older ones sometimes to keep the little one entertained so I can get stuff done.

He has him every other day???

He has him every other day??? What kind of schedule is that for a kid

It's possible dad is more

It's possible dad is more than happy to just date. The fact that his son is an ass, just makes it easier for him not to have t o deal with commitment/long term relationships.

If he really wanted more or wanted the relationship to last, he would do something about his son. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean he's looking to build a life with you.

By keeping some distance between you, his kid and your kids, he won't have to worry about the impact a breakup will have on him.

Honey, this guy is for a good

Honey, this guy is for a good time and not a long time. IF you are happy to have a part time BF who has a separate life with his son then work on getting your kids to accept the situation and don't involve yourself with his other life. You cannot make kids like each other and as long as his Dad sees the situation and is OK with it then you are at different places in your lives.

So your choices are... stay with him the way things are and resolve to only see him on the days his son is not with him. I would not move in with him at all until his son is grown and out of the house.
... Move on and wish him well. Tell BF that being a father is more important than being a BF and if he is OK with his son running off all his other girlfriends then this is not the life for you. You want a family and not separate groups.

In this situation I would move on. If BF really wants to be with you he needs to work on his son calling the shots.

I take all opinions in and

I take all opinions in and they are much needed at this point! I know love isn't enough but when you love someone you at least try. 6 months isn't a year or so but steps should be made correct? I have tried. I am just asking for advice. I'm trying.to understand his feelings and I get how sensitive this situation is. I figured being his age we wouldn't have such a difficult time. My boyfriend said he has no problem with his mothers new boyfriend he just doesn't like us. I give them so much time alone that I don't even see his son anymore. I don't know what to do. My childrenatter too but then again my children don't have Amy issues with me moving on. His son has add and I'm sure some type if imbalance. I've seen things that makes me fear.my children's safety. I asked him to get his son help and 4 months later nothing. But he wants to be with me. I'm sacrificing a lot to get so little out of it. I accept his son and all that he comes with but when is too much enough?

THIS If you fear for your

THIS

If you fear for your kids' safety, why are you pushing for this kid to spend time with you and yours?

Pushing for him to get help for his after only two may have triggered all sorts of red flags to go off in this guy's head.

No matter what comes out of his mouth, his actions scream that he isn't looking for a long term relationship.