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Explaining to Bio kids

Toastergirl's picture

DH and I have a daughter that is only 5 months old, but I am wondering for future reference:

How did you explain to your young bio kids that your SK have their own family (hex/BM) that they are not a part of? At what age did they start to figure it out, or ask questions why they only see their older half- siblings EOWE? Have they ever asked why their father was married/divorced the first time?

Also- Dr Evil is VERY into the whole PAS thing-telling SD when she was 6,7yrs old all about the divorce, how horrible my DH is, blah blah blah. How do I stop my SD from someday telling my daughter all these things about their dad? I don't want my daughter knowing any gory details, or anything degrading about her father. I don't think it's my daughters business to know about DH/Dr. Evils divorce.

How do I explain this someday?

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

They eventually figure it all out. Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for sometimes. As they get older they'll start asking questions. Tell them the truth even if it's ugly. My kids figured it all out. No damage. We all just keep our distance now

Aeron's picture

My brother and I asked before we were 10. My mom just told us. There was no drama about it. Younger kids often just accept things at face value. Why did they split up? Our older brothers dad wasn't nice to her. But the court said he had to see his dad. We basically shrugged and went back about our business.

If the skid is badly PASed, then she will likely stop coming around and won't be interested in her siblings. If she wants to be around them, while your kids are minors, you monitor the interaction and if she bad mouths you or her dad, you end the interaction. If your kids chose to have a relationship when they grow up, there nothing you can do about what SD says except tell your kids your side and explain that SDs mom is disordered when they come to you with any garbage SD may spout.

step off already's picture

Kids just go with it my Dd13 assumed her father was some kind of relation to her baby sistrr. She asked me once, is dad (her father, me ex) dd1's half daddy? ". I assume that since she knew they were technically half sisters them her father was, by default, the half daddy.

Rags's picture

This is pretty simple. "Your sister has a different mommy." That takes care of other family element.

If and when SD attempts to pass the PAS perpetrated by her womb donor on to your DD then you say this. "Have you ever seen your daddy behave that way?" "No, you have not. So do you think your daddy would do that or do you thing that SD's mommy is lying?". "Yes, she is lying. Do not believe what your sister says about your daddy, she is only telling stories about lies that her mommy tells so don't you worry about your daddy. He loves you very much."

Lather, rinse, update (as your DD gets older), repeat.

Standing in the Cold's picture

BS is 2 and his whole life Bubba (SS9) comes and goes ... He will randomly ask Bubba? So we tell him Bubba is with his own Mommy. He just goes Bubba Mommy. We say yes. The hard part is BS2 has trouble sleeping when SS9 is there and after he visits for about a week. He will waken in the middle of the night during EOWE because he wants to play (even though SS9 refuses to have much to do with him unless DH is in the room to see him play with him).

SS9 mother won't allow us to call during the week or weekends. Even got SS9 his own cell phone but we aren't "allowed" the number. So it's not like we can let BS2 "talk" to his Bubba on the phone either to let him know he's ok because usually BS2 sees Bubba then next thing you know, he's gone for a while and then reappears.

Standing in the Cold's picture

duplicate

SMLIFESUCKS's picture

DD14mo already seems to have the pattern down. When she goes to BS13's room and calls "bubba", I say bubba is with his dad for now, he will be here xyz. She shakes her head yes and walks away. The difference is she can talk to "bubba (BS13) and Sissy (BD9) on the phone.

It's funny but she never asks about Skids SD11 and 8, they dont call her their sister and they dont interact with her unless DH is, so they can say they give a rats ass to their dad. They don't. They dont ask about her or to talk to her but when BM calls they ask to talk to their half-sister at BM's.

I think the part that's going to suck the worst for me, is explaining why her dad's other daughters dont care about her. Well I've decided DH will have to answer for that one, I will be there to monitor though. }:)