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Ss14 is upset because dd13 told everyone at school about his violent behavior

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 4:40pm

When DH took SS to school this morning, ss14 told dh that my dd13 told Everyine that he tried to throw me down the stairs while I was holding the baby. SS is embarassed and mad at dd.

Dh basically told him that it was his own fault and that if he was embarassed by his behavior then maybe he should think twice before acting out.

I told dh that I'd speak with dd about discussing household matters outside of the home but if she wanted to confide in her friends, that was not something I was opposed to. The kids go to a very small HS with less than 50 kids so I'm sure everyone is up in everyone's business. Ds also is not find if SS and was not happy about what went down that night.

As far as I'm concerned this is part of the natural consequences for poor behavior - peiple don't like it, people tell other people as a warning and then you have to deal with it.

Comments

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 4:46pm

Exactly what I think.

Wait till his grandmother and aunt and cousins find out...

I'm just happy that he is actually embarassed.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 4:58pm

Well, he didn't actually push me. He gave me a shoulder check and called me a fat bitch while storming down the stairs in his way to go take a few swings at his dad.

So nut sure if ds actually said that he tried to push me, if dd inflated it or if the kids at school inflated it. In my mind, it's minor details...

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 5:00pm

And he is aware that the police will be called if he is ever violent in the house again. If BM wants to bail him out and let him live with her, she's welcome to do so. Though that'll probably not ever happen since he called her crying that night begging her to let him live with her and the answer was ... NO.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 5:09pm

No agree and told dh I'd speak with her but I also want her to develop friendships and have confidants outside of the home. If she has things that worry her or bither her, I'd like her to be able to talk it out with friends. That's what girls do and I'm actually happy she is comfortable enough with a few girls to share her thoughts.

Now if course, I don't have full details but we shall see.
M
We had a previous incident where SS kicked dd in her stomach. So violence is not something new to this child and ds is clearly not a fan of SS.

Glassslipper's picture

Submitted by Glassslipper on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 5:20pm

"Dh basically told him that it was his own fault and that if he was embarassed by his behavior then maybe he should think twice before acting out."

YEP YEP YEP!!!

Told my son the same thing when he thought he was tough at school...pushed a kid freshman year and none of his friends wanted to be friends with him anymore because he was "violent"
I told him, well now you have learned...Mommy can't make it better anymore...this is the real world now, good luck, if you don't like your friends shunning you I would suggest you act socially appropriate.

I'm glad your SS is learning Smile

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 5:22pm

Well. I can't quite tell yet if he's learning but he's definitely getting a dose of reality.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Tue, 12/02/2014 - 8:55pm

I'm glad your dd blabbed about it at school.

Yes some things warrant discretion but domestic violence, sibling abise and parenta abuse isn't one of them.

I'm glad she feels comfortable talking a but it with her friends. Some people might be too ashamed to openly talk about it.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Wed, 12/03/2014 - 10:44am

It sounds like what happened was that one of the girls asked SS why he's been wearing the same shoes for a week + (since SS is very fashion conscious and likes to match his hat to his shoes to his pants to his ....you get the idea).

He said he was in trouble.

Then the girl asked ds why he was in trouble and she told him. I recommended that next time she tell her friend she should ask SS directly. I told ds that I didntbhave a problem with her sharing information with friends when talking about her life but as a rule, it's always much more polite to suggest the person asking Qs about another go to the source.