Yeh that is about the only answer he wants. Then when I say it, he runs to BS to ask. It's a stupid game he seems to play. Now he has changed it to he heard running water. I'm supposed to find what the running water was. Well, over toilet overflowed. Ok, why do I have to look through the damn house??? He is just as capable. But he won't actually get up and look.
I think it is built up frustration on my part.
I told him I don't get what is going on with him lately but I'm tired of the attitude. Everything is on my shoulders or so it feels.

Sue I think you hit it. Your right. I made him feel dismissed. I was frustrated because I have a torn shoulder and he has lived in bed for 2 days. Go figure it out yourself. By the way it wasn't the bathtub it was the toilet overflowing. Why come find me to ask this when you can figure it out yourself??
And the second part. YES!!!!! That is exactly how I feel. When SGD was here everything was not a big deal. He didn't check her room, she could eat on the couch, she was allowed to treat me like shit, she didn't have any chores. BS does more for this house in a week then she did in a year. BS left nut shells under the couch. I told DH to not clean them up, I would have Bs do it. He did it and then the next time I let BS eat on the floor, he jumped in with you need to eat at the table because I cleaned all your shells up. First thing he does when he gets up is check BSs room. He hide the wii-u game last night because BS fell asleep with the disk in. In the last week, BS has taken the cans to the curb, brought them in, taken the trash out everyday but one, cleaned the cat boxes 3 times. Ran errons with me 3 different days, taken care of the chickens, mowed the yard and helped me with laundry. BS has OCD and BF is filling his head full of crap. He is on meds and in counseling. I get attitude at times but I snap him back. DH wants to come BS to SGD. I'm sorry, please tell me when bS threatened to hurt me, brake my phone, hurt my kids, call CPS on me, call the cops on me, threw everything he could touch at me to include his mattress?, dislocated my jaw, ruined BSs birthday with a complete meltdown at 9 yrs old, left bruises all down my legs so bad I couldn't wear shorts, told my kids no one loves them, kicked my daughters cat in the head, slammed my 4 pound pomerians head into the concrete, slammed doors in my face.... The list goes one. Oh, wait that has never been BS, that was SGD. Don't you dare compare them.
My kid has some redeemable qualities. He own friends want nothing to do with SGD. A friend he had for 20 yrs has nothing to do with him because of her. She ease dropped on a conversation, and when being babysat by the oldest kid (22) told his little sister (7 at the time) no, he's not even your brother because your adopted!!! And DH made excuses for that.

You know sweet pea, I am starting to agree with you. DH is one of those give you the shirt off his back kinda guys. At first I thought it very selfless. But it's not. He over spends and buys people a bunch of stuff simply because of how it makes him feel. Most people do nice things because they want to do something nice, or want to make someone happy, or even a little because it makes them happy. For DH it is strictly about himself. He is controlling and has this insane need to be needed. I do not provide that for him and now that SGD is gone, he is getting bad.
Seriously... Resent example. I cook 99.9% of every meal made in this house. He brought up some ideas for dinner, they were productions.. Chilli, pot pie, he wanted to have these the same week as Thanksgiving. I tossed out well, how about homemade pizzas and carda asada? That's easy. Somehow that got turned into everything has to be my way, my rules.
Last fight we had over money and him breaking our agreement he actually took DD11 to the store and talked to her about the fight. I was blown away. He had been bringing up he would just tell her (since he promised her he'd buy something, that broke our arrangement) I told him that in no uncertain terms with he talk to DD about our fight or any of our issues. So he took her to the store and did it anyway.

Disney... OMG! :jawdrop: I hadn't made the connection but reading your reply my stomach dropped. You are 1000% correct. Shit.
Well, as I drove back from getting cigarettes I had some replies to him rolling around in my head.
When the comparisons to SGD or when I get well, if it was SGD my standard response is going to get very blunt and I'm going to start working on an exit plan.

My reply that I think is perfect, I'm can't believe you would compare annoying OCD/anxiety behavior to physical abuse, verbal threats to your wife, her children and the pets in the house, and someone who clearly has no respect at all for either of us or our marriage.

Or if it is well, if it was SGD ... I will start replying with, well, I tend to treat people who don't help out in the house and are physically abusive different then those who help everyday and don't attack or threaten to attack me everytime "papa" isn't around and she didn't get her way.

I think it is time to stop tip-toeing. Thank you. I will not let this happen to BS. There is a difference between correcting/being tired of horrible behavior and looking for issues in someone to justify another persons behavior.

And I'm going to end that crap, along with call it straight out.

My son, thankfully, freely talks to me. Unfortantly for DH, BS has eyes and ears and is very smart. DHs bio spent the night tonight to help me out tomorrow and even she stated DH was very grumpy with BS and then was all about DD.
Thanks to you all, I see this now. And luckily it has only happened for a couple of months. And it will stop, one way or another.

The only bio DH has is 25. Every other one is an ex step.
The example one, BS would be home from school in 2 hours. DH doesn't clean much and only swept under the couch. No where else in the whole house. He was looking for something.
Example 2. BS was in bed. I got home from taking DD to school at 8am. BS wasn't awake when I left. And BS did clean it up. BS does more in this house then DH.
I used to go to DH on all bio related issues. I would talk everything out with him, and proceded from there. DH doesn't do the same. Over the last 3 months, he looks for things to complain about BS over. DH has gotten out of bed, immeniately checks BSs room and closet. Doesn't check DDs, never checked SGD ( his ex step). BS unloaded the dishwasher just because. And put a spoon in upside down. It was the end of the world.
Yet, he has been talking to DD about our fights behind my back. She is 11.
Bought a new game for the wii-u and the Xbox. BS asked if he could watch DH play the wii-u game (family game DH wanted it to play on Thanksgiving as a family) DH told BS he could play, and went to DD and told her I got a new game for the Xbox too, want to play. And sat in the other room for 2 hours watching DD.
I have never been overly defensive of my kids. I'll be the first to say they are not perfect. But when DH has tried to punish BS for doing what I told him to because he didn't want BS to do it?? That's bullshit whether step kid or not.