Not a Happy Thankgsgiving?
Well, I used to post here a few years ago, then I stopped because I extracted myself from the situation for the most part...I left my husband.
It's been 3 years, again for the most part drama free, except that the husband and I never got divorced, and never stopped sleeping together occasionally, which has resulted in me being currently almost 5 months pregnant with my 3rd son. We still don't live together, because frankly that's the only way I can avoid our "issues".
So yesterday, I get a text from husband asking me if I will take SD16 with me to MY family's house for Thanksgiving, because her flake of a Mom yet again decided she had better things to do than spend the holiday with her child, the only family she has in town, and of course antisocial husband has no plans, and doesn't want her "stuck in the house with him". Honestly, as bad as it may sound, my first thought was "how is that my problem?" Because frankly, if neither of her parents are making a efforts to spend the holiday with her, why the Hell do they expect ME to want to? But I feel sorry her, I do, so I said ok, and brought her with me to my family's house.
Sad part is, nobody has any idea how incredibly hard this is for me. You see, one of the problems in our marriage was that I felt like SD16 was husband's "Mini-Wife", and I was just the woman around to pay bills, take care of the kids, and of course have sex with him. Even worse, is that I really don't feel like he overtly did anything to encourage her in that status, just that she asserted herself in that position, and husband never discouraged it or set any boundaries on it. So essentially what happened, is that I felt like I was walking on eggshells around a CHILD, in MY house that I paid for, and of course that is not sustainable, so I left when I finally just couldn't take it anymore. In addition to that, I've always felt that my husband shows clear favoritism towards her over my children (who are his children too!), so of course that would further drive a wedge between us, and make it virtually impossible for me to feel any bond with her, because I'm always feeling like I have to stand up for my own kids.
Anyway, here I am on Thanksgiving Day, feeling like I brought my ex-husband's new wife with me to my family's house for Thanksgiving! Lol. I'm laughing because it sounds pretty ridiculous, but that is how I feel. I was stressed out all night about it, and cried about it this morning, and here I am, watching her latch herself onto the closest thing to my husband, my 5yo son, just like she does with my husband when he's around, in what I can only describe as the closest thing to pissing on them to mark her territory, because she knows I won't don't anything about it.
It's very sad for me that I feel like I can't even enjoy time with MY family (NOT hers) on this holiday, because the "other woman" is here...
...well...Happy Thanksgiving to you all at least!
I know you felt bad for her,
I know you felt bad for her, but you should have said no.
Why won't you do anything
Why won't you do anything about it? If she's doing something you're not ok with you Should do something about it, at least when it involves your kids. If you don't, you're as guilty as your husband.
Should have left her with her dad.
It was very nice of you to
It was very nice of you to take her, but I'm sure it was miserable for you. But kudos to you.
i know exactly how you feel.
i know exactly how you feel. family had the holiday dinner and shutter bug dh took pictures of just two sds. they are both mini wifes. no one else included in photos. other guests and family were not included. pictures of sds eating, making faces at camera, laughing and posing.
nauseating.
Thanks for your responses. My
Thanks for your responses. My apologies for not getting back sooner, but I picked up a pretty nasty cold over the weekend that I'm still trying to get over.
Anyway, I know you all are right. I definitely have had some issues with setting and maintaining boundaries and limits when it comes to my relationship with my husband that I never had in prior relationships. I still haven't figured out why that is, other than I became a mother and found myself willing to completely set myself and my own happiness aside for what I think might be best for my children, which is having both parents in their lives, even though I've obviously had a hard time determining what that looks like (whether it's husband and I together or not, which is why this is like to 4th or 5th time I've left him in the 10 years we've been together.)
As for Thanksgiving, it actually turned out ok, thanks to my family. I think they must've sensed something, because right after I posted here on Steptalk, they actually when out of their way to engage SD16 (who apparently has never been taught any manners and was not talking to anyone, even though she came to their house for Thanksgiving.) This allowed her to release her grip on my 5yo, so he could go off and play with cousins his own age. By the end of the night, we were all playing games together, and I think SD16 might've actually had fun, so I think I did my good deed for the Holidays...at least until Christmas. Lol.
Again, thanks for your feedback. Not exactly sure what to do with this complicated situation I'm in, but I've been seriously thinking about marriage counseling. Believe or not, NOT because I actually want to "save" this marriage, because I'm not sure I do (we've tried counseling before, & it was a disaster!), but because I feel like maybe if we could get all of our issues on the table in a neutral environment, that maybe we could get the closure we need to move forward with the best co-parenting plan for our children.
I guess we'll see...