I always knew that my husband struggled with "raising" his children, which is ironic because he is usually excellent with dishing out discipline. What I have discovered, though, is that he's fine with instant discipline for actions but he will not follow through when discipline takes work. He doesn't want to do the hard work.
His BPD diagnosed daughter, who is about to turn 18 and has been living with her boyfriend for the last year, allowed me to see the first cracks in his parenting abilities, and now his son who is almost 16 has revealed the remaining cracks.

I love a Disney dad. Oh, the horror of this realization.

Well, horror is a strong word. Really, I'm disappointed.

On the bright side, I have found that this realization helps me to disengage that much more. Because now, unfortunately, I can truly see that he does not want to be a parent who helps his children be the best they can be. It takes a lot of work to be that kind of parent, and he doesn't want to put that work in. He is content to be a friendly parent who helps out here and there, and wants his kids to be comfortable. But nothing more, so long as they are "fine". Admittedly, it mildly taints how I view him, especially as he expressed to me how much it bothered him that his mom didn't pay any attention to how he was doing in school, or provide a curfew or any kind of structure. So I do scratch my head when he behaves in the same way towards his children.

I am judging him. And if I were to score him based on my parenting standards, he'd get a big fail. But in the end, I can only be the best parent I can be to my own son, and learn every day how not to allow his parenting style to bother me, or how not to allow his children's choices to bother me.