Silent Night, Days and Afternoon too!
I know so many deal with mean spirited step children who are unkind verbally. I have the reverse. They just refuse to speak. If I say something it is a one word or as few words as possible as a response, and this is only if I speak to them directly. I had hoped this behavior would at least lessen a bit with time, and some effort would be made by them even on a minimal level, but no they are as cold as ever. It just makes the dinners so endless and awkward. It is not helped by them sitting and texting through the meal. I try to converse just because I was brought up never to ignore people, but my patience is wearing thin. Do any of you deal with this? How do you handle?
Have escaped to bedroom as many here seem to do!
Best of holiday wishes to all!
Permit no phones at dinner
Permit no phones at dinner table.
If they balk at the rule have them eat their meal standing over the sink or thrash bin like the animals they are.
Or have seperate meal times for the civilized people who wish to have a pleasant social time
The ingrates can have the second shift with cold food and clean up duty after.
Or stop cooking for them. But do not retreat to your bedroom.
Banish them instead.
IMO of course.
Hello, and thanks for the
Hello, and thanks for the reply. Sadly if I did what you suggest, which is a pretty darn good idea by the way, their father would swoop in and blame me for not being understanding and allowing them to "adjust." We have been married for over three years, I think they have had time to "adjust." He tells them no phones, but they just ignore him. I already do not cook for them. I can hear them now chit chatting together. It is so obvious that no effort is made. I can't say anything to their father as it somehow will be my fault. Thanks for the support, and for giving me my dream scenario. Oh how I would love to do it!!!!
Hi thanks for the kind reply.
Hi thanks for the kind reply. I know it needs to come from their father. He has told them, and they ignore him. Their time together is limited, so I understand why he is reluctant to start a big fight or drama. It will probably just make his kids behavior worse.
He does do everything for them, so what's really left is this lack of speaking and just flat out rudeness at meals.
So it seems that you would suggest to just ignore them and make no further attempts to communicate with them? I have struggled with it in the past because I was just not raised to be rude to people.
Thank you again for your reply and ideas.
What's the point in you even
What's the point in you even eating at the dinner table with them. I might have made something really good for myself like lasagna, only enough for me and maybe Id eat it in front of the TV and ignore the crap out of them.
However with your DH blaming you for their behavior, that's a really tough battle to win. Because no matter what you do to disengage, DH will always find a way to tell you what a harsh stepmother you are. That way he doesn't have to get up off his butt and confront his own jerk face kids.
Ive been iced out by my former SS and its the worst kind of disrespect.
I am getting to the point
I am getting to the point where not eating with them is exactly what I would choose to do. I just struggle with allowing them to reduce my behavior to their level. It raises the question of what to do with my kids who are also ignored. I don't want to expose them to this crap as they are nice, and have only tried to be kind to their siblings. His kids will not even look at my kids its is weird and strange. None of them are young, so hard to chalk it up to age related immaturity.
I am sorry that you face the same issue. How did you handle it, and did it ever improve?
Thanks for your thoughts and for reminding me I am not alone in dealing with this sort of behavior.
He has tried to correct the
He has tried to correct the phone thing, but they just feel free to ignore him. There has been this habit on their part to ignore parental rules before, so I think it is more to do with the way that they were raised. This does not excuse anything, but just my way of saying the lack of parental respect is ingrained deeply.
How sad is it that what you suggest is probably what needs to happen, namely leave my own home to have a normal polite meal with my kids.
Thank you for your advice and for the kind reminder that I have done nothing wrong. Deep in my heart I know I do my best always for my husband's kids, but like many here, their behavior somehow becomes my fault, or I am expected to "be the adult and understand." Sad because I thought being an adult, particularly with children meant that you taught them proper behavior and had minimum standards of behavior that had to be met, so they could function as adults.
I always eat in the comfort
I always eat in the comfort of my tv room. I let DH and mini wife have their meal together. It's much more relaxing for me, as nine times out of ten, SD will be pouting, and DH would spend the whole meal trying to cheer her up. :sick:
SD now has total control over DH, and I just don't care anymore.
Disengage from those skids. Let daddy deal with them, and the type of adults they turn out to be. Then he can take full credit for their dysfunction.
Sad that it comes to this,
Sad that it comes to this, but in truth, eating alone sounds far more pleasurable as you have mentioned.
Goodness, I hope his kids are not this rude to others. I have heard stories that they have been inappropriate, but I don't really see them interact with others too often. It is sad that the parents of these kids don't seem to realize the ideas of acceptable behavior they are giving to their kids.
So strange, I was raised that at a meal, regardless of who is there and how you feel about them you are polite and make at least small gestures of conversation. I just wold be so utterly ashamed and embarrassed for any child who had parents who permitted other behavior.
Thanks for the sage advice, and best wishes.
It is sad to see a parent
It is sad to see a parent turn the other way, and pretend all is well. I watch it every day. My DH is so blind when it comes to his daughter. At the moment, she is in another situation, that DH should have been on top of, but as usual, ignores things. DH has actually said, he doesn't want to know everything she does. OK, I'll just keep my mouth shut on this one, and we'll see what happens.
This particular situation was staring DH right in the face. I know about it, how come he doesn't?
The world must look pretty good through those rose colored glasses.
Phone, meet hammer. End of
Phone, meet hammer. End of problem as far as texting through dinner.
Your house, your rules, you set the consequences and enforce them.
Kids either learn or they live a life of abject misery.