New Attempts
So dh is now calling his estranged daughters, for about a month, he has called both of them about once a week. They chat for at least 30 minutes, all about themselves. Dh says they do not ask about him at all. We had a discussion before he began this endeavor. My opinion to him was that if he could accept being a VERY distant second to their mother, and that they would throw him under the bus for the least little perceived slight, then go ahead, call them. That is what the past years of the Cold War have been about.
So he is reaching out to them. So far it seems they engage in conversation, but no random phone calls or texts. Honestly, I hope it stays that way, although I would be foolish to think that this will not progress. However, the daughters live far away.
One issue that I am not sharing with my dh is I see from looking at youngest daughter's FB public page is her joining several groups recently, all about Embracing Islam. Now this daughter spent a semester abroad in a Middle East country and liked it so much she stayed for the summer. I am not looking for a religious debate, but I do find this 1) not surprising given what I know about her, and 2) of concern. She has always been a follower and honestly abused by her mother and sister.
On an aside, I am spending Thanksgiving with my dh and his family, and my kids, my ex and my parents and siblings are spending the day together. Then we are all meeting up next weekend at my Ex's vacation home. Strangely, we all get along and have spent several holidays together. I do feel that my ex is family, and that includes sometimes not getting along.
Thankfully, I have not extended myself with cooking and offering to bring things. I work many hours and this year, did not volunteer to bring one thing! It feels so good....
Weeeee-ooooooooh-weeeeeeee-oo
Weeeee-ooooooooh-weeeeeeee-ooooooh!!!!!! I am calling giant emergency alarm. Your DH may well talk to his daughter now as much as he can because he may never hear from her again in the not too distant future.
Please educate your dh about young women and girls being recruited to join ISIS to become terrorist "brides." Here's a start, the NY Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/24/world/europe/as-islamists-seek-to-fill...
It is becoming more and more common. These young women are angry at their parents, their school, their ex-bf, whatever, and think they will become important and glamorous and are subjected to rhetoric designed to appeal to their naive, adolescent minds. Bam! Off they go to that wretched war zone and most will never come back alive, even if they wanted to which most end up wanting. But they find escaping ISIS is not the cake walk that "escaping" the west is. Plus by then they undoubtedly have babies. And last, they are now terrorists and will not be allowed back by their own countries.
Tell your DH to prepare himself for a visit from the FBI in, oh, about the next 2 years or so.
So sorry about this situation, op.
I don't see her as becoming a
I don't see her as becoming a terrorist. She plans to go to a very expensive grad school next year and likely wants to become a diplomat. She studied Arabic in the Middle East. I laugh when I think of her as a diplomat. She can't have a relationship with her father and his family, but she is going to fix world problems?
Dh is still paying college, all court ordered and he is hoping she and her mother will not fight emancipation with her college graduation in the spring. However, the history speaks otherwise. So many court battles. All done to wound.....how do you justify sending your father a court motion on his wedding day??
So I am keeping my fingers crossed she gets emancipated, converts to Islam and moves to the Middle East somewhere. Honestly, she is a professional victim, and I do think the subservience of women there appeals to her. Amazing how all this terrible drama can affect a child's life. Just look at her's, but I don't care because I tried so many times with her only to get stabbed in the back.
No, it is not, but in this
No, it is not, but in this state, fathers have been forced to pay grad school. It is not a given that emancipation occurs at college graduation. Do I think she and her mother will go quietly? It depends if her mother still has the same attorney that she used several years ago. Dh and I think she must not have been paying cash for all that legal service.
Just to fight paying grad school would cost thousands. That is a real concern. Part of me thinks dh is chatting up daughter now because yes he has always wanted her, but he does believe if they have a relationship now she will not stick it to him in court. Maybe some validity? Has their relationship been so damaged? Good likelihood of that.
I think that is alarmist and
I think that is alarmist and cliche. Islam is a beautiful and peaceful religion. However, like most religions, it does have extremist factions.
I mean, abortion clinic bombers, polygamists, and Westboro Baptist Church are all "Christians".
Sure. Because this young
Sure. Because this young woman has shown herself to be of such sweet and moderate disposition. A rational girl, a real good critical thinker of exquisite judgment with love in her heart for all. Absolutely.
I think it is alarming. It
I think it is alarming. It was alarming to me that she chose to stay there this summer. I do not understand why women would be drawn to that culture, not so much the religion, but the culture. I would feel the same about any culture where women need to be covered up in public and are considered less than men.
But again, look at her background. She was enmeshed with a father whom she views as abandoning her. She has been verbally abused and bullied by her mother and sister. So it seems logical she would gravitate to this culture of the strong male, and fits her need to be taken care of. Not a healthy reason to convert to any religion.
Perfect candidate. Sorry to
Perfect candidate. Sorry to hear it.
Well just because she has
Well just because she has joined some sites embracing Islam does not mean she is converting, although very suspicious, no? Quite honestly I do not give a rat's ass about her and her cruel sidekicks, but I think it would really upset my dh. I feel strongly not to share this with him. Why worry him, maybe needlessly, and it will only give him more guilt.
There are precedents aplenty.
There are precedents aplenty. I have not read the link above yet, but here is another example of an all-American girl looking for a way towards peace and beauty with love in her heart:
Remember the Tsarnaev brothers? The Boston marathon bombers - the older one was married.
http://news.yahoo.com/katherine-russell-tsarnaev-boston-marathon-bombing...
As for your SD, NAI, i find it very fitting. She should marry a terrorist. She is an emotional terrorist already. When apple trees bloom in Orange, NJ, they will make a BOMB of a pair...
My OSD has been all over the world saving the downtrodden. They provide great narcissistic supply, i hear.
It gives her a sense of power to be seen as their rescuer. Good luck to her! Your SD wants to resolve conflicts in the Middle East - more power to her. I cannot see the State Dept. amused by her flirting with embracing Islam but the FBI could be....
You have a good point Pilgrim
You have a good point Pilgrim Soul. I think if she converted it would devastate my dh. He would not be surprised however. Let's see where their phone calls go. Unreal how this divorce stuff can mess up kids and have horrific consequences on their lives. However, you and I can only be observers and yes we do get attacks now and then...
I am curious to see how his
I am curious to see how his phone calls are going to progress. You are ahead of me in this crazy alienation
saga, and I am looking forward to your updates. The key to a successful "restoration" may be to keep it light and not go into establishing the truth about the nature of their break-up. I do not envy your DH, or mnine for that matter. We have had radio silence since February - and this is perfectly fine by me. Instead of converting to Islam, which she incidentally adores, my YSD seems to have completed her conversion to BUTCH - ridiculously unattractive. She used to be feminine... now she appears to try really hard to look ugly working against her nature, almost.
Disclaimer: There is nothing wrong with being gay, but she is going gay for all the wrong reasons. BM, also gay now, hates men, YSD has been indoctrinated since cradle to hate and despise anyone with a penis.
Divorce creates a mess, but underlying pathlogy which predates divorce and causes it creates real potential for long-term damage. After the dust settles, will your and my SDs be walking wound-ed or walking wound-ing - or both? Wherever they go, i think they will create a minefield of their own: they appear friendly and normal, but have the instincts of a rattle snake.
You nailed it, Pilgrim, it's
You nailed it, Pilgrim, it's the underlying pathology that is the real problem. "Instincts of a rattlesnake" -- oh, my yes.
I think our collective SDs
I think our collective SDs are going to keep the family legacy, er curse going for another generation. As I have shared, the ex and her sisters all got themselves pregnant to entrap decent upstanding guys, and are all divorced. The ex's brothers are in and out of jail and one had been diagnosed with antisocial PD in a custody case of his own. Their pathology is genetically and deeply environmental. I pray dh does not get sucked into their web of manipulation. He does know where I stand. There will be no more contact on my part with any of them. They are monsters dressed up as pretty women. I may sound overly dramatic, but I have seen these chicks in action and I know their dirty laundry.
So let's see where the phone calls go. I think they love the attention and mercifully they live miles away, although one daughter may be going to grad school near us. I shudder at the thought.