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They hate me.

lilliputtin's picture

15 years, I have known my stepdaughters for 15 years. They were 2 years old and 3 months. They had an older sister by another baby daddy. I Dated my husband, he told me that he had babies but was no longer with their mother. I would stay with him at his family's home. Dated him for a year and a half, saw the girls weekly. They went to court. He was to get them every week at a safe house. They decided that they didn't want to "do that" to the girls. After almost 4 years Biomom decides that "the girls" can only see their father at her house. She knew he couldn't afford a lawyer. She gave back the Christmas presents...blah..blah. (She was already living with another man for 2 years at this point) Husband lost job.

All hell broke loose. We moved. another court order blah blah. Supposed to see the girls 8 weeks every summer and a week after Christmas. Rarely happened. They didn't want to come... When they did, they had a great time. They were 9 and 10 at this point. They hated me and were rude but I ignored it. I just wanted them to be with their father. They came again, this time at 14 and 15. Hateful. Lazy. I said nothing. I wanted them to be with their father and now 7 year old half-brother.

Hateful but I thought there was a connection with the older girl. 6 months later we drive to see them since my husband was told that for school reasons they couldn't come the week after new years as we requested. That's when it hit me. They refused to answer his calls when we got there. Finally saw them after 4 days. They only had 2 hours because they were going to the mall. That's the last we saw them. We left 3 days later.

Year and a half goes by. They refuse phone calls, emails, letters. out of the blue, they want to come. We were surprised but said okay we need a couple weeks notice to give the boss. They wouldn't want to be alone with me. They decide against coming. I told my son nothing because he desparately wants to see his sisters.

This time I had it. I send now 17 year an email and tell them that they've been lied to and that their father loves them very much. That they could still come out, we'll talk and work things out.

Then the venom came. Who was I. I was low class and pathetic. They hate me, they always have etc. etc.
Their "father figure" abandoned them and it was my fault. They are going to show this to the judge and say that it is stalking and inappropriate contact....blah blah blah. They block me. They tell their father that they will never talk to him again, that he is a scumbag.

Three months later I send an text to person I thought was friend of mine. Turns out the text went to baby's momma instead...or daughter, I'm not sure. I hadn't called the number in 15 years and had it under a different name. (I always had it under "meanmary" somewhere along the years I switched it to "beeyatch.") Could have sworn "beeyatch" was my friend because she would call everyone "hey bitches" They answered the texts like they were my friend answering, not who they actually were. I talked some shit about my husband's ex. They called and sounded like they were doped up. they kept taunting and saying my name. I hung up. They texted and asked if it was me. I asked who they were? They just kept asking if it was me, if xxx was my husband and xxx was my son. I refused to answer and I blocked them.

I told my husband because he needed to know. It's gonna screw him in court now, right? I'm sure it will end up coming up in Court because my husband was seeking a modification.

I feel like shit. Not because you know, a judge will chew me out and threaten restraining order but because they hate their father. They only hate their father because the bitch has done everything she can to alienate them. Sending back presents...presents lost in the mail, never answer the phone....etc. Evil stepmother...blah blah.

I hate them now and I know how wrong that is. What do I do about the heart ache for my husband and my son?

they are 17 and almost 16

Evil stepmonster's picture

You don't have to feel horrible for hating them. That's your instinct. They have hurt your man and your child, hate is normal. If it makes you feel better, hate isn't the oposit of love so there's always the thin red line.
As for the text...I'm not sure it could hurt you in court. I'm not sure what was said, but you said it about the mother and not the kids right? And the email, you didn't insult or threaten did you?
Sadly, with or without the texts and emails, if they don't want to come, they can't be forced to come. I'm sure their BM is the reason and filled their heads with BS but there's nothing you can do about it. Evil people will do evil things. One day, those girls will see the truth.

Rags's picture

At some point the toxic bullshit that a child inherits from their parent(s) becomes their own problem to either continue or fix. At this point your SDs are toxic POS people that neither your DH nor your son should want or tolerate in their lives. That they inherited this crap from their mother is really no longer relevant. They are choosing to perpetuate the bullshit so at this stage it is on them.

Cut'em loose and good riddance IMHO.

Have your long term records in order when your DH goes to court. A couple of disjointed communications will not over ride more than a decade and half of toxic manipulation by BM and the girl's own toxic crap.

All you can do is let your DH know what has transpired and tell him what you have asked us. "How can I help you deal with this heart ache and toxic crap from your girls." For your son, just be his mom and love he and his dad.

Again IMHO of course.