Told OH...NO MORE!!!
OH was on nights last night, but popped home mid shift for something quick to eat......
Told him that as money is kept separate, Im not paying out for the SKids anymore, its his job......I had the normal "I never have money" routine from him, so told him to manage money better.....now, as from tomorrows payday.....I have his wages!! :jawdrop:
Said that was fine, however.....SS19 can get a job so better not coming knocking, SS17 HAS a job, so he can keep going and BM has SD7s money, so not to expect spending other than treats either......said that my BD has all money, maintenance and any SS payments come to me, therefore she will be catered for as per as it should be, BM has all the same for SD7 so SHE can start catering as she should....all said not in this blunt way, but in a nice way.....said that since money was all over, spending on "treats" for SD7 is quite a way off, baby due (and early due to Gest. Diabetes) and Xmas is almost here too.....so it was into next year once baby born and things settled before a normal life can resume....
I used to have control of his wages before, and he would have a certain amount (£100) each Friday, which would be gone by Sunday evening (he gambled, a lot, althouigh he hasnt done taht for over 12 months now)...and he didnt have to pay petrol, food or anything out of that, it was his money to do as he pleases with...it caused arguements so he had his wages back and the rest is history!.....I have made it clear whilst I have control, it will be done MY way no questions....
Perhaps the BIGGEST upshot of last night was that he was subject to an on-site drugs test.....he had been smoking blow.....luckily, he got away without dong the test....this time....so he has said he will give it up, as its going to risk his job and thats something he cant afford to happen....he has give it up before, did 9 months, then went back to it.....so he is more than capable.....I have told him previously it has to stop before baby born, which he said he would do....
As with everything, what OH says and what he does.....well they are two very different things!
- stressedstep's blog
- Log in to post comments
Comments
This man sounds like an
This man sounds like an overgrown teenager. Many teens can't control their finances, so mommy has to hold onto their money so that it isn't blown. It's common for teens/ young adults to roll dice on a random. If they get caught, losing their job only impacts them. This dude is risking his job knowing damn well he has three kids and one on the way to support. DUMB, DUMB, DUMB
Shall I tell you whats
Shall I tell you whats worse???...When he was with BM (for 17 years)...he owned his own house, controlled all the money, paid all the bills etc etc even worked two jobs if needed....never had any problems......BM NEVER worked, and when the market here went a bit bad, mortgage rates went up, and so did unemployment....they ended up taking a loan to make ends meet....anyway, he lost his job...then the house....and BM blamed him......
What I dont get, is why he seems to have lost that sense of responsibility!? I know he has had it sh*t, and I know when they split he LOVED his freedom away from her, but we have been together for over 4 years now, so surely with TWO of us knowing how to run a home, you would think we would be quite secure.....it will take me a few months to get back to that, and thats what he was told...
I wonder if once he split
I wonder if once he split from BM, the "freedom" of not having to be the responsible person all the time, kind of got to him and now he is a little out of control.
I had to be the responsible one in my relationship with my ex. Since DH and I have been together and I have a little more financial freedom I noticed that I am more "careless" with my money. Eating out, buying high end cosmetics, etc. Stuff that I never would have bought before.
I'm really curious though about how he went from extreme to the other. I think if you are generally responsible with money and taking care of your family, house, etc I think that is just who a person is, I dont think they really lose that trait???
THIS
THIS
Did I miss that part? ETA:
Did I miss that part?
ETA: Which that would make sense. And I was going to write that in my first post, the only time I have seen people go from one extreme to the next is with addiction but I didnt want to assume that was what happened or make accusations.
No, you know what is DUMB
No, you know what is DUMB DUMB DUMB????
Dumb is knowing your SO has a gambling problem, and having a child with him.
Dumb is partnering with someone who is so immature that can't handle even basic finances, and then having a child with him.
REALLY FUCKING DUMB is knowing your partner SMOKES COCAINE, and then choosing to HAVE A CHILD WITH THEM.
Holy fuck lady, you couldn't make worse choices if you TRIED. No sympathy here.
Actually....Im not
Actually....Im not dumb....simply didnt know the extent of his problems....as with most addicts they hide it well....Coke addiction came to light when I was 4 months pregnant....gambling hadnt been done for just over 12 months......
Thanks
If you look at it from
If you look at it from another angle he had the "everything" life; home, wife, children, job, he was able to manage his finances in such a way that they didnt have too many struggles. Despite his best efforts it didnt matter, he still lost his job, he still lost his house and also lost his wife.
Now I am not going to sit here and say he is mourning his past with his ex, but more the reality was that he did try very hard and in the end it didnt work, so now rather than actually taking that responsibility again he enjoyed his freedoms too much, got himself stuck in a rut and now finds it easier passing the reigns to you rather than dealing with it himself.
I kind of feel bad for him, in the sense that I think its sad he has turned to burying his head in the sand about it all. The drug use and the taking risks that could loose his job, they are a complete opposite to a responsible nature. No doubt he has a drug addiction problem, but I wonder whether the man really needs some help to identify why he has chosen to cope this way when it really isnt needed.
I can kinda see this if im
I can kinda see this if im honest....MIL asked me years ago who controlled the money for the rent and bills, and I told her I did....she said she was glad, because she didnt think OH wanted the responsibility of that again after BM blamed the loss of everything on him.....
On top of all of that, he then has nothing but sh*t off BM and the SSs really....so he kinda always seems to be "in a rut" or pretending that everything is wonderful and is over-forgiving stuff.....
MIL may have been blowing
MIL may have been blowing smoke up your behind. Chances are he was just a reckless with money when he was with BM.
Ugh and she is bringing a
Ugh and she is bringing a baby into this? Sorry OP not to be rude.
I wonder if he really did have his shit together with BM or if he was always an addict?
My SF was a herion addict. My mom later found out from his first wife (the BM) that he had a drug problem when he was with her as well. My mom had no idea.
Unless he gets into rehab and starts recovery this is always how the OPs life is going to be. Addicts only care about themselves because of the drugs. Very sad.
Well damn there goes my drug
Well damn there goes my drug knowledge, I assumed the OP was talking about marijuana?!
In the UK blow is
In the UK blow is Marijuana..also known as smoke, cheddar, slugs etc......
Coke was something he took for a few months, and eventually admitted to it after creating debts...that have now been cleared....
There had been many many MANY problems before this in the relationship which eventually led to the breakup.....BM was registered for State housing when the owned home was being re-possessed.....she moved there with the kids but OH went and moved back to his moms.....after this SD7 was conceived...OH believes that she "trapped" him, but hell he new what a liar she was so he should have covered up..........then, he worked away and she had 3 affairs!
At the moment he is only on Marijuana....Coke was quit (with help, he doing well to be fair)...Gambling has stopped, he knows what happens there,,,and he hasnt done so for 12 months....but the marijuana has always been on and off....
Ha Ha Sally!
Ha Ha Sally!
48 hours? You could not be
48 hours? You could not be more wrong. A blood test shows the presence of THC for 36 days.
thc will show within 6-18
thc will show within 6-18 hours in urine tests (they dont use blood tests around here). very infrequent users can piss clean sometimes in 10 days, chronic users it'll stay for 30+ days. however depending on how sensitive the test, towards the end of those days it may be so light that it registers as negative.
we use a lab that actually reads the amount and has a very very low threshold for positive.