Today i told him to leave and take HER with him!!
So today i told my partner to leave and take the little brat with him. I told him i couldn't do it anymore...
My day ended with us looking at engagement rings!!! Go figure.
Blinded by love. He asked me to give him 1 month to work things out. To lessen the burden. To make me happy.
So HELLO nanny!!! Finally i am going to get parts of my life back. Yet there is still this small twinge of "omg i can't do this"... I want to be with him, but still her existence is smothering me. She is horrid. He admits it freely... Yet he created her and now she is here to stay... full time... With us... OH GOD!!!
I know i will never win this battle (only because brat camp doesn't exist over here). I know i must share him with his past, including a child similar to the omen, a psycho ex, court cases up to our eyeballs, VRO's galore, hundreds and thousands of debt and so on. Hmmmmmm, tell me it gets better. When will it be my turn to shine!!!???
Oh tho, on a happier note, we finally went to the doctors and we have tests to help move along the baby process (Tho it's obvious stress is stopping me from doing anything these days, let alone fall pregnant)... And yes, we looked at engagement rings, although it wont happen anytime soon, it was nice to dream while gazing into a hearts on fire diamond. Ooooooooh shiney shiney
Im begging god to give me something to hold onto, to keep my sanity in tact and make that ring worth waiting for.
Thank god my partner is adorable!!! hahaha
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Comments
Holy crap, honey. Wow,
Holy crap, honey. Wow, perhaps you need to take a step back and look at the entirety of this situation. HE (not you) is in debt up to his eyeballs, has court cases up the wazoo, and has a kid full time (actually YOU have her full-time), and you... are trying to get pregnant with him and looking at engagement rings?
Honey, one month is not enough time for him to change things.
I'm not telling you to leave. But what I am telling you is, if you really want to give him time to work on things, then:
a) it should be longer than a month (because it will take longer than that for you to determine whether it's REALLY changed or whether he's just put a bandaid on it)
b) during that time, you should NOT be doing things like trying to get pregnant with him or looking at rings. Why would he believe that you are sincere about needing things to change when you're still showing that you will move forward with him even if they don't?
c) I'm saying this sincerely: you need to sit down and think about the environment you would be bringing this child into. Dirt poor, with an older sister who is a "brat" and who will probably only get jealous and hostile toward your baby if you get pregnant, with two parents who have lots of issues and will probably be arguing a lot from the stress. That is a recipe for divorce if I ever heard it. And it sounds like your BF won't have any money left to pay you child support for the baby, because it's all tied up in debt.
I know you love your BF. But you are very young to be in such a complicated situation and be able to make clear decisions about whether this is the right relationship for you. Part of growing older and more mature is realizing that, unfortunately, love is not enough in some situations. At 24, frankly, there is no earthly reason you should saddle yourself for a lifetime of HUGE problems, not to mention debt that your BF will likely never pay off and that will keep you from being able to ever have a comfortable, worry-free life. Please consider what it would be like for you at 34, and 44, and 54, to look back and see what you have sacrificed for this "love."
Good luck,
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
I definitely agree. You
I definitely agree. You SHOULD NOT be trying to have a baby and looking at engagement rings at this time. 1 month is not enough time to change. If you are having doubts, you should step back and look at things and make sure you can handle this before you go any further. I am a full time stepmom. To be honest, it might not get better. I would put the baby/engagement plans on hold until you are completely sure these are the steps you want to take with this man. Maybe try some family counseling?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I agree also. Sounds like
I agree also. Sounds like you are literally walking into a really bad situation. What do your parents think about this?
Crayon knows what she's
Crayon knows what she's talking about!! It doesn't get any better that's for sure.
Please listen to all the
Please listen to all the words of wisdom based on experience coming your way. I wish I would have known about this web site prior to making the decisions I have. Think long and hard. As Belleboudeuse stated so well, think about what you imagine this situation, as it stands right now, will be like at age 34,44...54 and on..I know you love this man, and I am sure your heart was in the right place when you began this relationship with him and his child. Just honor yourself and take the time to make sure the ground rules are established before you make any commitment to this guy. Contrary to popular opinion, love, and/or being adorable does not fix everything....and babies REALLY don't! Best wishes.