Husbands "baby mama"
My husband had a child from a previous relationship. As soon as she found out about me she freaked and wouldn't let him see his daughter. She has let him visit from time to time but not much. My husband and I dated for a year and got married in June, it is still an issue with her and she hates me for some reason. Last night I went with my husband for the first time to meet his daughter and she threatened that she would leave or hurt me if I was to meet her, so he did his thing and I waited. I know she most likely still has feelings for him and that's the reason she hates me, I tried to talk to her and level with her so that we can meet up avoid issues and let my husband, myself and my son try to connect with his daughter as a family. She told me that it was no of my business and to stay out of it. I guess my question is do I have a right to be involved or do I leave it alone? I don't want to over step my boundaries but what is my role in all of this? Thanks!
This^^^^^^. What did you
This^^^^^^. What did you find so attractive about a man without the testicular fortitude to stand up for himself and his child? That question is to the OP.
He needs a CO to enforce his
He needs a CO to enforce his visitation! It needs to be done, or this will happen for years to come!
Legally, she has no power to
Legally, she has no power to stop you seeing your husbands kid on his time, the only way she could is if she could get some sort of restraining order (RO) or order of protection for the kids and to do that she needs some sort of real evidence that you are a threat to them. You have no real rights over his kids yourself, as your husband's wife but equally BM has no rights without some sort of RO or protection order to prevent you from seeing them when your husband has visitation. I hope that makes sense.
If she doesn't want to talk to you then don't bother trying to get her to, it isn't worth it and why would you waste your time and energy on her. Trust me, she will eat away at your soul given half the chance. Don't let her have that pleasure, take a back seat and if you want to, advise your husband behind closed doors and don't interact with her again.
Leave it up to your husband. He needs to find out what his rights are and assert them so that he can stop being played and stop the children being used as pawns. If a CO parenting plan granting him visitation rights isn't already in place then he needs to sort that to stop her nonsense. As long as he isn't a threat to them he will be granted some amount of time with them. If there is a CO in place and she is violating it then he needs to threaten legal action against her and follow through with it if necessary.
The other thing, yes she could well be harboring feelings for him still but there is also the threat to her motherhood with another woman coming in to play and a general possessiveness over her ex that maybe she doesn't want him back, but she sure as hell doesn't want anyone else to have him either.
Stop trying to talk to/meet
Stop trying to talk to/meet with BM. You and your son are of no concern to her. By not going to court, your husband is making the choice to allow BM to control how/when/if he interacts with his child.
"She has let him visit from
"She has let him visit from time to time."
It is not BM's place to "allow" your husband to see his daughter. He has a right to see his daughter whether BM likes it or not. Our BM used that same phrase in court and the judge put her in her place.
Your husband should go to a lawyer to get a proper CO put in place.
I have experience with a crazy BM as well. She's made my life miserable so I'm glad I found this site. You'll get lots of good advice here.
Your husband needs to get a
Your husband needs to get a court order that leaves no stone unturned. He needs to use it in part to outline how and when she can contact him. He needs to get child support figured out too. Maybe he could pay it through the state so bm can harass them if she doesn't get it on time. He needs to make it so that all exchanges happen at a neutral place with surveillance cameras, like a police station.
Court orders are enforceable. Bm can face jail, fines, and/or loss of custody for withholding visitation.
ETA: never talk to bm. Ever!!! Not unless she initiates it. Then you just tell her where to shove it.
Sure, you have every right
Sure, you have every right that you feel like taking. However, you have no official or legal right as a Sparent.
Your DH needs to put a hand down his drawers and grab a big old man hand full of man-sack and man up. I can't believe that he lets this toxic womb donor drag him around by his balls rather than putting his proverbial foot up her ass and setting the example for his daughter of what a confident man and father should be.
If he does not have one your DH needs to get to court pronto for a CO, he needs to fiercely defend his time with his child from any interference by the womb donor. If he doesn't then he is nothing but the sperm donor and CS check.\
I have to ask. Why would you choose a guy who would tolerate this crap and not step up as a father to defend his rights to his child?