Thanksgiving worries me...
I guess I'm a terrible person, but I don't want the offspring to come to our Thanksgiving... I don't mean that I'm going to gripe and eventually allow her to come, I mean NO. This is why -
Last year, we had her, and the entire day was neverending caterwauling about being bored, not liking the food, hating this movie/program/craft, not liking the gingerbread houses I bought her and SO to do together, we do this at my moms, Gamma makes this better. That year, SO had to work Friday AND Saturday...I was off both of those days and he assumed me into babysitting. I planned for us to go to a local theme park for their Christmas light display, she complained through all of it - bored, when are we eating, cold, this is for babies, my legs are tired...etc. By Saturday I was so fed up I told SO her mother needed to pick her up if he wasn't going to stay home to watch her. So she went with the sea hag for that day...then came back for the night and part of Sunday.
This year will be my DS's first Thanksgiving...SO and I will forego making our own dinner to take him to my parents and have my grandmother be involved as well. I'm very excited for this and I want it to be special, even if he's too young to remember. I want to build memories and traditions for him. I don't want her there, period. She will do nothing but make it about her and her wants and needs and in order to keep the peace, my parents will give in. They want her to feel accepted, poor wittle COD, so they bend over backwards to accomodate and make her feel welcome. I don't want my SO to spend the day trying to stand on his head so she doesn't run home and tell the seahag that he ignored her the whole time. She would do that anyway, trust me.
I've already told SO this...and he feigned agreement...but I can tell he plans to bring it up later and at that time he will force the issue.
Any advice?
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I see your point, and
I see your point, and honestly - it makes me tired just thinking about it. I want it to be about my DS, and I guess that's selfish of me. What makes me tired is that if this is going to be a fiasco for every major holiday...is it something I really feel like fighting for? And I don't mean the holiday.
the eye-twitch. u gotta
the eye-twitch. u gotta include the Evil Step Mother (TM) eyetwitch!
}:)
If you had her last year,
If you had her last year, shouldn't she be with her mother this year?
What is the arrangements in
What is the arrangements in the CO for holidays? Do they alternate years or split the days? Or do you have custody?
Anyway, it sounds like whether SD is with you is a choice and not required. I would just suggest to your DH that she spend this Thanksgiving with BM since you had her last year.
We get her when the hag
We get her when the hag doesn't want her. Which is Thanksgiving, so she can go black Friday shopping.
Tell the hag sorry, I'm going
Tell the hag sorry, I'm going black Friday shopping this year.
Exactly, tell BM that she
Exactly, tell BM that she gets her this year. You'll be gone to your family's anyway. Make sure you leave early or the night before and she won't be able to drop her off.
Look, I can't stand my SD but
Look, I can't stand my SD but she is DH's daughter and so therefore had to be included in the holidays. You have to suck it up on this one and include her. Your kid is no more special than she is. Now, when she does all the horrible things mine has done, then you can say no. Let me add, really horrible but at least she had the sense to not do this stuff at family holiday, she saved it when it was just us. My recommendation is to make sure she gets parented now, before she turns out like so many of the teenage stepdaughters on this site.
You can make her a child you like, you just really have to work at it. My SS16, was a child that was anti-social and had no rules. We finally got him at full custody at 13 and now he is someone I can take to family functions and not be mortified. He still is anti-social, but he is getting better. I will have to tell him on the way to Thanksgiving to make sure he says hello and uses manners and doesn't spend the whole time on his laptop. Again, a work in progress, but it is progressing.
You can make her be respectful and stop whining. DH just has to help with that and you have to nip it every time. SD18 did that last year the whole trip at Christmas and DH cut her quick every single time. She was miserable and finally ended up going back early after a meltdown. All of this attitude can be prevented now, when they are little.
Your parents sounds like my
Your parents sounds like my mom. She has done so much to make SD feel welcome in our family. I don't think SD even realizes that my mom is not her real grandma. But my mom overdoes it. She buys SD presents upon presents for Christmas and birthdays. SD has now come to expect a ton of attention and to be showered with gifts by my mom. She was actually quite rude about it last Christmas - she would open each present and toss it aside, barely glancing at it, eager to open the next one. She doesn't show any appreciation to my mom for the things she's done for her (which is my husband's fault as well).
I can understand why you don't want to spend Thanksgiving with your SD. I'm surprised BM doesn't want her if she didn't have her last year. Maybe that's something your husband should add to the CO next time it gets redone.
You ladies are right. I guess
You ladies are right. I guess I'm just going to have to bite my tongue and bring some extra wine.