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New poster here but a lurker for awhile

scarlettgirl1's picture

I have been lurking on this forum for awhile and it's really helped me in dealing with the issues I have with my 9 year old SD. I have a 2 year old BD and a wonderful husband. I'm seeing some major issues slowly coming to light about SD and it scared me to the point that we are putting her into therapy. Yes, I knew that he had a daughter (he has her full time) but I had no idea that it would be this difficult with a stepchild. One of my sisters has stepchildren and they are really good kids, we are close and she would tell me if she were having major problems. I was so naive and thought it would be that easy with my own SD.

I have so many complaints about her that are all warranted (lazy, manipulative, habitual liar, bully) but I don't discuss it with anyone else. I talk to my sister about it and she gives me really good advice but even she's just flabbergasted at what this child is capable of. I could say that if I had known this I would've made a different decision about marrying him, but probably not.

He's a great guy and calls SD out on all of her bs, totally supporting any concerns I might have. But it's still so difficult to deal with her that I cringe every time she comes home from school or when the weekends arrive and she's here all day long. I've never really had any anger issues and I've been called 'pollyanna' on more than one occasion (lol), but this child has called up my wrath from some awful place that I didn't know existed in me. It makes me feel like a terrible person for having bad feelings towards a child. I am seriously thinking about therapy for myself - if only to have a safe place to work out my issues on my own instead of screwing up some kid's life. Thanks for listening.

Rags's picture

After school care and professional help are both great suggestions. I suggest Web cams too. That way her manipulative and bullying behavior and be clearly documented and her ass bared for her crap as well as showing you dealing with her while maintaining your calm. Of course that requires you to maintain your calm.

Ditz is right. It is her behavior that is driving your reaction and very likely not her existence.

Take care of your family and yourself.

Good luck.