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sunny81's picture

Submitted by sunny81 on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 9:35am

What do you do?
Wake up early this morning to find my 15 year old step-daughter and her boyfriend in bed together. She is not to see him because of the same thing from July. Her father tells him to leave, she rolls her eyes. I ask for her phone, which she turns off. He leaves and we ask her how long has this been happening, she says first time. She leaves goes to school. Her father is now feeling like this is our fault and heads off to work. Now I figure lets really see the truth. I unlock her phone and find out she has been lying to us the WHOLE time. Sneaking out for months. Drinking, smoking pot sending inappropriate pictures. We even told her she was not allowed to go to homecoming with him and she PROMISED she wasn't meeting him yet I found pictures of them also, her girlfriend that we thought we could trust is with them and getting high as well.. OH and best of all....She has ALL of the other 6 kids involved with her deceitfulness. You would think that her hateful texts about me would hurt the most but it doesn't. What does is that her father feels like he did something wrong, that he has been to hard on her and this is why she is the way she is.Yesterday she told her father that it was my fault that she is acting like this. Ever since I came into the picture....

How do I feel about this?
First angry... Now hurt. How do you love someone with all of heart just to be treated like this? I ask her all the time how is life, how she feels. I even stuck up for her in July when she lost her virginity and thought she was PG. Now... I don't know.... Please some advice, do I tell her father all that I found, do I tell her girlfriends parents. What do I do about the other children involved......

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 9:43am

I was hurt when I found out the nasty stuff that MSD was doing and saying behind my back. I was hurt because I had NO CLUE that anything was wrong. She pretended to my face to care about me and like me, when really behind my back she was stealing from me and making up lies about me, resulting in issues with the other skids.

I just had to realize, she showed me who she was and that I was going to have to accept that. I gave her a few chances, but she only continued to dissapoint and hurt me. Her "liking me" was an act. Maybe she did at one time, but where were were then, no, she did not like me. She wouldnt do the stuff she was doing if she did.

It hurt, but I got over it. You will just have to understand that no matter what you do, they are going to still talk shit about you and be mean behind your back.

I would show her dad what you found on the phone.

And for sneaking a boy in overnight, I would most def. take away her phone and ground her.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 10:23am

Oh I don't think I could ignore this with 4 kids of my own in the home whom SD is apparently involving in her inappropriate actions. No way, no how. I would tell DH to handle it swiftly and harshly. Tommar's suggestions are spot on.

Ljcapp1's picture

Submitted by Ljcapp1 on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 10:00am

OHHHH when will these asshole kids stop blaming their parents and take responsibility for their own actions???

Sorry OP but none of this is YOUR or your H's fault. The person making the bad decisions is at fault. I would let her friend's parents find out just like you did. Not sure I would get mixed up in the drama of telling their parents. But SD's dad needs to know what you found and like someone above said BIRTH CONTROL - with a quickness.

FML's picture

Submitted by FML on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 10:07am

I might be inclined to post her pics to facebook and let natural consequences handle themself. Maybe even file a police report.

TinyDancer's picture

Submitted by TinyDancer on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 10:25am

I don't know why, but the thing that bothers me the most.... is someone coming into my home
when I'm in bed. That's where it becomes personal. A stranger has invaded my private space.

So, clearly she can't be trusted. Also, just as clearly, her father doesn't know what to do.
Help him out. Let him know that your upset that the sanctity of your home has been invaded, and this needs to be taken very seriously. Home alarms need to set, big barking dogs, whatever it takes. Same with Princess Slut. Why do you need to compromise on your security because she wants to get laid.

Every time I've had a situation in my own home that could create conflict between myself and DH, I'm calm, cool and collected. She might be Daddy's little Princess, but I'm the Ice Queen.

Lack of drama wins every time. Wink

Glassslipper's picture

Submitted by Glassslipper on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 1:50pm

I will admit, my Bio Son was pulling similar crap, not listening, lying about his location, hanging out with a girl who was into drugs...blamed me and DH, said he was upset about the divorce (5 years post divorce mind you) I too, like your husband blamed myself...

DH and bio's dad both said, slam him down hard...take it all away, ground him, be tough, your too soft. he pulled one last stunt with some photos on his phone from the girlfriend, and that was it.

He lost it all, phones, video games, locked out of wifi, we even turned off the cable so he couldn't even watch TV! Then we got a book about STD's a medical text book with photos...made him read every chapter and write a report, he was grounded to the kitchen table till the naughty friends and girlfriend were gone!

He is doing well now, on the tennis team, getting good grades, hoping to make varsity tennis this year.

DH needs to be tough...it is kinda his fault...he is TOO soft on her...