I can see why you would get resentful. I bet, unfortunately, that you are her babysitter when she goes out and that is a bummer. Perhaps a good start would be that you watch the baby while she gets a job, contributes to the mortgage, electric, food bill, etc.

Nope, check into programs that are available for her, housing assistance, etc. I bet she collects benefits on the baby.

Sadly though, your DH doesn't see a problem. You need to be able to present your findings on what is available for her to him. Once she gets out on her own I am certain you won't mind babysitting once in a while, you are just not going to be a full time caretaker.

There's a program that will pay for day care if she doesn't make that much, also with food stamps and child support plus working she can do it, if I were you I would call and get all the information on Govt. Housing, food stamps and Govt. Assisted Day Care and give it to your DH to give to her, just tell him you wanted to help her gain her independence since it's so degrading to be dependent on your parents as an adult!

It's really sad that we all have to pay for the parents who raise kids to be this way. If you don't want your kids living with you down the road, make sure they are self-sufficient when they grow up, whether or not they have brought kids into the world. THIS is the reality of all these skids that no one wants to put up with while they're young. They never go away...

I agree about finding the resources that she can can use, but then you will have to make her utilize them. You really need to get your DH on board and convince him that it's best for all involved.

Her dad is doing her no favors, and certainly not his grandchildren, letting her live like this instead of being independent. It's a cycle that's hard to break and the grandkids will learn to be just like her.

Where is the father of her children? How did she expect to be a stay at home mom? She needs to get a job, like the rest of us who are not independently wealthy or who don't have a Sugar Daddy. Is that what your husband wants to be, her Sugar Daddy? Because that's what he is if he's supporting her and her kids.

Of course, you will need to work on getting your own BS out, as well.

Does the SS pay rent for the home he is living in? I see nothing wrong with him living there IF he is paying fair market. If not, your husband is enabling him, also.

I feel for you. Your story motivates me more and more to push DH when it comes to SD19 being independent. They can make up any number of excuses when it comes to their children.

What about getting all the facts together and some comparisons. Works for my DH. Find out about all her possible options and then paint a picture for him of how good one of those might be. Also if you haven't before then read up on disengaging. Is your DH actually feeling any of the pain or does he just cruise out the door to work for example?

Make it about her failure to operate as a member of society and not about you being the bad guy. Do not let him start with the "you don't like her" rubbish.

When she goes out reward him and show him how nice it will be when she goes.

Can she move in with the other lot mooching off you in the other house as a transitional stage?

Unfortunately, once they get comfy it is tough to dislodge them.

Somewhere in the past couple of decades something seems to have shifted. It use to be that we couldn't wait to grow up and get out on our own. It was a sign of maturity, being able to support one's self, etc.

Today we seem to have an entitlement attitude that feels it should be given to me. Why should I work etc.

I once talked with a farm wife who said how difficult it was to get help. She said it use to be you could hire high school kids for the summer to help with chores, detassel corn, etc. Now it is their parents that don't want Johnnie and Charlie to work unless you pay them $20+ an hour.

If you do not put YOUR foot down and evict all of the mooching spawn regardless of their biology then this is entirely your fault because YOU are enabling it.

My SS's Sperm Idiot has lived in Sperm Grandhag's and Sperm Grandprick's rental property rent free for more than 20 years. They paid his entire CS obligation for my Skid for 17+ years, they raise his three younger also out of wedlock spawn by two more baby mamas in their home on their dime without any help from him. They house him so that the two other baby mamas can't contest custody because of inadequate housing and .... the Sperm Grandparents pay CS to baby mama #2 while that kid lives with them.

Through all of this Sperm Grandhag and Sperm Grandprick whine and complain that they can't afford all of this on their retirement income. Not our problem. Any chance we got we stuck it too them even harder just to try to drive clarity that their son is a worthless POS who will suck them dry for every penny he possibly can.

So, boot them or not. Your call.

For sale signs. That is the solution to your problem. Put for sale signs in front of the home you live in and the home your SS lives in. Once they sell buy a home in a retirement community that does not allow residents under age 55 unless they are married to a qualified resident home owner. If no such community is near enough to where you live and your businesses are then buy something too small for mooching live in dead beats.

End of problem.