Question about 50/50 Custody
Right now DH and BM have a 2/2/5 schedule. They chose that because neither one of them wanted to go a whole week without seeing SS.
I asked DH if maybe the changes in the middle of the week are too much for SS and if he thought maybe a week to week schedule might help since neither party is willing to give up custody? DH said BM still won't be there at night to make sure his homework is done. I agreed but I thought perhaps the constant changing environment is what is making things difficult. When I say that I mean we have a neat, organized house, with a routine. BM's house is a wreck and she lets SS do whatever he wants because she's not there. (I see the state of her house every time I pick him up from there, well at least her living room.) There are always weird things on the floor. A deodorant tube, a catbox pooper scooper, random wads of paper, etc.
What do y'all think?
- Gabriels Mom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
How old is the child and why
How old is the child and why is the mom not there?
He is 12 and BM works
He is 12 and BM works overnight. Her DH is there. But he's more like a big brother or cool friend. He doesn't make SS do his homework.
We have 2/2/5 also, I do
We have 2/2/5 also, I do recall the transitions being hard difficult in the beginning, kids confused about what bus to be on, "oh no, I forgot my band folder at Dad's and I have band tomorrow" but after a while, it was easier. Is this a new visitation schedule?
No this has been going on for
No this has been going on for 5 years. SS doesn't do his homework. "I left it at my moms" is his most favorite excuse as to why he doesn't have something or turn something in...
We have 2 rules for the
We have 2 rules for the "forget excuse"
1) no others at our house without prior permission. DO NOT TEXT BM and have her show up unannounced here with your band folder, just cuz you knew she was coming doesn't mean me and DH did
2) We charge them the cost of a gallon of gas to go fetch their stuff...from school or BM, ExH house, they used to come downstairs with a handful of change and ask "how much is a gallon of gas today" and we knew they "forgot" something...
We did this because DH would spend all night on exchange nights and all morning on exchange mornings running stuff to and from, 2-3-4 trips sometimes...ahhhhh
I feel your pain, I'm in your same boat!
We also have this schedule
We also have this schedule and I love your second rule. I just might be stealing this one. Thanks!
You will love the second one,
You will love the second one, we honestly only did it for about 6 months, and fetched about 6 times...
All 4 have stopped forgetting since then...they all have all their things and have stopped forgetting now... huh, funny how that happens
LOL you and me both. I threw
LOL you and me both. I threw up a little in my mouth when I saw that. Even if DH wasn't allergic to cats we wouldn't have one because the idea of box of poo in my house does not sit well with me.
BM is not willing to put forth the effort to make sure SS succeeds.
Honestly week on/week off
Honestly week on/week off isn't much better. We had the same schedule as you and switched and apparently our BMs are soul sisters because the lifestyles are similar. We are organized and have routine, BM lives in chaos. If anything, I think more time away from our home makes the transitions more difficult where when transitions were more frequent the kids didn't forget the rules.
My SD use to go back and
My SD use to go back and forth middle of the week about 3.5 years ago. It was really hard on her. She was the one that asked to change it. Of course now we live very far away from bm....then life really got alot better for all of us. Including SD.
We only live about 10 mins
We only live about 10 mins away from BM. I'm just trying to figure out ways to help SS. DH is frustrated with the situation and doesn't know what would be best for SS. The school counselor recommended last year that SS stay with us Mon-Fri and visit BM on the weekends or EOWE. But BM wouldn't go for that and we don't really have the money for a court battle and quite frankly I don't want to do another court battle.
suggestion, I too did not
suggestion, I too did not like the 2/2/5 idea at first because I couldn't imagine not seeing my babies for 5 days!
yea, there teens now, SO over that now....
But my lawyer suggest a weird thing, and it helped for the first 18 months, After that it got tedious and we decided to stop doing it (your BM might too)
Might help BM adjust to the week at Dad's weekend at mom's and not feel like its too long without her son.
We did "dinner dates" on day 4, I would get the kids for a 2 hour "dinner date" we would go shopping or out to dinner or to the mini golf or, whatever"
Maybe she would be more open to weekends only if she got a Wednesday dinner date? IDK, just throwing stuff out there...lol
BM will never let DH have him
BM will never let DH have him all week and get him on weekends even with the dinner date thing...because she doesn't really want to be a parent she just doesn't want DH to have him. I think if she really wanted to be a parent she would make more of an effort to spend more time with SS. The last 3 weekends she has had SS (they do the EOWE thing) she has left for the weekend with her DH and left SS with her mom or at one of his friend's houses. This is a frequent occurrence. We plan couple stuff on off weekends and our DS goes to my sisters and we do it that way because SS is not with us all the time.
My ex and I do something
My ex and I do something similar but my kids are with me slightly more. The kids all get the schedule and are fine with it. the homes are different and run differently as well. My bios are 10, 11 and 13 and have been doing this for about 8 years without issue.
Neither me nor BD wanted week on/ off either as it is too long to be away from the kids.
Would she agree if she had
Would she agree if she had something approaching 50/50 but your husband agreed not to ask for CS? So how about she has 3/4 weekends, friday night to monday morning and then she has the kids full time in the holidays, but you get them eowe in holidays. That works out about 45/55. At least that way you can help keep on top of homework.
Maybe. I'd have to present it
Maybe. I'd have to present it to DH and see what he thinks. But I will definitely talk to him about it. That might work...