Now she has gone too far! I cannot take it anymore?
So tonight was the final straw in my relationship. My DH's stepson took my husband's van and went to school two days ago. He never came back. Apparently he went to his BM's house. Well tonight he called and wanted to tag long to dinner with his dad and my SD and her boyfriend. I was invited by SD, her idea of course, but did not go as I was tired and dinner was at Daddy's expense at a restaurant at 10 pm. Well, SS calls and says hey Dad can you pick me up. My DH asks him where the van is and his BM is out driving it somewhere. She took it without asking us and my SS let her take it because he thought she would be back sooner.
So I am furious. I mean where are the friggin boundaries in any of his relationships especially the one with her! I mean come on, if he wants to loan her his car that is one thing, but she should at least ask! So I asked him to contact her and tell her to ask him if she ever needs anything before she takes it and he said he won't do it. That maybe if he runs into her tomorrow at church he will say something but they are in this together. And why am I making such a big deal.
So I told him, I am done. I am moving out as soon as I get a job. Calling the attorney Monday. Anyone else ever deal with this?
And I have my surgery
And I have my surgery Tuesday!
Hope all went well with your
Hope all went well with your surgery. Get well fast and take care of yourself.
Why didnt you just call the
Why didnt you just call the van in stolen when you found out she was driving it?
I agree with MamaFox, I would
I agree with MamaFox, I would have reported it stolen.... }:)
I haven't had to deal with anything like this from an Ex but I do have InLaws who think my stuff is his stuff therefore their stuff....Such as old iPhone 4S.....adult sister in law rings OH, have you got a spare iPhone mine is broken...yep no probs. Yes, actually there is a problem, it was my old iPhone 4S. I'm like WTF?
Stepmomdavis, my heart so
Stepmomdavis, my heart so goes out to you. I have a wonderful husband but he has had the problem of "anything and everything his kids do" is okay. I was actually blessed with estrangement from all three of his kids at one time and that seemed to open his eyes as we had been nothing but good to these kids. He still as a bit of the same problem but it is not as large has it had been. I can relate to you on how frustrating it is that no matter WHAT these kids do it is okay. To top it off here you are going to go in an have surgery and you must feel that no one gives a damn about you. Yes you could call in and report the van stolen but what you really want his for your dh to step up to the plate and be a man and protect his wife and their belongings. I had felt so many times that the kids owned everything we had. We were just the salves that they owned who worked for it. I wish I had some wisdom that would solve your problem but I don't. I will suggest a couple of books for you. I have a hard time sitting down and reading but I listen to books while I am doing my work around the house and such. The first book is "Who's Pushing Your Buttons" by Dr John Townsend. The other is "Safe People" by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend. I have had so many problems with the skids that I have been seeking out books that will help me deal with the problems better and get in better control. And I must say it is not about me wanting to be in control of everything but there is NOTHING wrong with controlling my environment or what I own. I get so sick of skids wanting something or to use something that is not their and getting all upset and making statements that indicate I or my dh are controllers. One problem for me has been when trying to talk about a problem to be able to recognize that the person (DH) I am speaking with is diverting the conversation away from the problem to something else. I need to recognize it and bring it back to the problem. I hope this helps some. I hurt for you.
Thank you all. Jam, I will
Thank you all. Jam, I will definitely get those books. If I wasn't looking at Surgery in 2 days I might have called the cops but honestly, the pain right now is around what he said about the BM is who he is linked to. And that he won't speak to her. I do need to disengage. There are not words for how upset I am with all of them. They have an agreement, the BM and my DH, that they will split 30/70 percent the taxes back on the youngest daughter. DH let BM file using my SD as a dependent. She was supposed to give him back the money. She never did. She told him, did not ask him, that he was making a loan to her of the money. That was 5 months ago! Have not seen a penny.
I know this is late coming
I know this is late coming but thank you.
Is the van in both of your
Is the van in both of your names or was it bought after you and your DH were married? If so, that van is yours too! I would tell DH to get the van back...ASAP. If not, I would report it stolen. If she has a wreck, she kills someone...they could come after your insurance company, you and your DH. I do not like loaning a car too...ANYONE! SHIT CAN HAPPEN.
Yes, Cat. I did. His pathetic
Yes, Cat. I did. His pathetic response was that they share kids so they are always going to be tied to each other. And it doesn't bother him that she took it without permission. I asked what that meant for us???? I mean what the helll!!
She is in a serious live in relationship with another man and is really in love. She left my DH after 25 years of marriage. She ain't coming back no matter how much of an idiot he is. And thank god, my name is not on it. He bought it 20 years ago.
Absolutely, and since he
Absolutely, and since he won't go for counseling I am going to start the works going to leave.
Oh and I think what your
Oh and I think what your neighbor is doing is wrong. It sends out the wrong message to the kids, the ex, everyone. Why act like you are still married if you are not? It stops the ex DH from moving on emotionally and it is harming his relationship with the new woman.
By the way, my DH told me 4 times if I didn't like it to text her myself. So I did. I got some mealy mouth text about forgetting to ask. She is an idiot if she expects me to believe she took a car and forgot to ask if she could drive it. But even after that we still had to get the van. She never brought it back.
Catmom3, Yes, it does. Though
Catmom3, Yes, it does. Though I have to tell you that your comment "golden uterus status" was hilarious. First time I have smiled in days.
I would be furious beyond
I would be furious beyond belief! Calling the police as the van stolen sounds good but in the long run of it all the police would realize this is a family situation and nothing would come of it but hard feelings. What was your husband's reaction to this and did he say anything to his son? My husband too is the type that let his sons do as they pleased and thought I should be able to allow for the same which caused a great deal of hard feelings. Sounds to me like your husband needs to step to the plate and deal with the situation.
My XW used to call me about
My XW used to call me about all kinds of things in her life after she ran off with her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy. Can you come look at my car? My sink is plugged, the A/c on my house is not working, I am pregnant what should I do? Do you want to meet me at a hotel to hook up? etc...... :?
I would occassionally meet her for lunch to discuss some element of our divorce proceedings but never did I look at her car, fix her sink, or meet for a nooner.
No way was I going to risk her claiming her out of wedlock product of adultery spawn was mine.
She even tried to borrow my truck to move her crap. Nope, and I also took the keys for the car my mom and left for us to use when she and dad took an overseas assignement shortly after we married. She was stuck with her 15yo beater rather than a new vehicle. Her crowning bit of lunacy was when she decided that I should buy her a new car since I bought one while we were married. It was in my name only so it was not on the table during the divorce. I told her that I agree with her reasoning but since I had 4 cars when we married and now I only had one that she owed me three so rather than buying me 3 cars she could just buy me two.
Her head about exploded over that one.
Get well first and send him
Get well first and send him packing.
Take good care of yourself first.
Since DH has no problem sharing his stuffs with Skids then send all his stuffs to BM including medicines and dirty underwear. Change the lock. You don't need to move out. He needs to get out.I don't know how long you've been married but with CA law, if you file for divorce he has to pay spouse support 1/2 of the time you're married and slit 1/2 of your access.
Best of luck and take care
A.
Thanks, I have a friend who
Thanks, I have a friend who is a family law attorney in california. So I am ready if need be. I have a question though, other than leaving every time they come by which I already do, how did you disengage? Specifically.
An example of disengagement
An example of disengagement in this case: It's his truck, so it's his responsibility. (I hope the insurance is in his name, or I'd remove it from mine.) I wouldn't care who has it. If he needs it or needs a ride, I would let him take care of it or take the bus.
And no, him saying he is in it together with BM and going out to dates in the park with her is unacceptable and would be a dealbraker.
I'm not an advocate of divorcing for just any issue, but I'd be talking to an attorney and getting my ducks in a row. This man does not seem to love or respect you if he's so intent on playing happy family with BM.
Umm his ex still goes to
Umm his ex still goes to church with you all? And he won't tell her to NOT take the van? No way would it be ok with me for ex to drive the van at ALL even if she had permission. No. Your husband needs to take a stand.
After marrying my husband, I
After marrying my husband, I found out HER car was still in BOTH their names. A property tax notice came to our address in my husband's name, for HER CAR. When they divorced, he did a change of address at PO but after a year, it stops, and apparently for 4 years post divorce, the notice went to HER house. UNTIL I also discovered he was STILL getting mail at her house, she would pile it up for 3-4 months then have one of the kids stick it in his mailbox. At that time, I did a new change of address FOR him. And that's why we got the car tax notice. I was so mad. I was also pissed that he was so slack that he continued to get mail at her house!! I mailed each business personally and updated his address.
She had been arrested for DUI, drugs. She drank....lived with a convicted felon drug dealer who was ALSO driving this car.
We sent her letters, sent word through kids, her dad, (DH & ex do not speak) and 5 months passed and the car title was not changed.
We got a new title figuring she did not know where hers was, a copy of settlement agreement that stated she got the car, but SHE still had to go to court house and sign. Finally I said get a lawyer. The lawyer sent HER lawyer she used in divorce a letter. We got a letter fro her lawyer saying he no longer represented her. So I stuck the letter in an envelope, wrote the lawyers name on return address and mailed it to her myself!!!
Finally the heifer got the car in her name only.
One day during this I vented on Facebook. "How long does it really take someone to get a car in their name after a divorce??" I was mad and not even thinking about the fact that I was FB friends with 2 of his daughters. One daughter saw it and posted "really??" and I was upset and I posted back YES REALLY. Well then the oldest one cussed me out on my post. Told me my husband was a grown ass man and could take care of it himself, and if I didnt like it why don't I take my ass down the road to her house (ex) and take it up with her? And that I was posting dumb ass shit on Facebook that no one cares about anyway!!
Her sister then "liked" her comment. One of them posted REAL FAMILY STICKS TOGETHER. and then the other one liked it.
I immediately deleted it all. Told my husband what happened. I apologized by text to all FOUR of them for posting about it on Facebook. Only one responded. She said she does not tolerate anyone talking about her MOM. At the time I didnt know how to deactivate my Facebook so I deleted all friends. After some consideration, I said to heck with them and refriended all but them.
My husband spoke to the one who cussed me out and her response was only, she was just speaking the truth. Whatever.
But I have never forgotten their message that REAL FAMILY sticks together. Their message was clear: I am not family.
Funny side note, The one who told me she doesn't tolerate anyone talking about her MOM, a few years later, her husband said her sister was crazy like her momma. Wish she knew that!! Her own husband talks about her mom.