Yes, DH...I will be speaking up more now
So I told DH a week ago that if I see anything whack in this household, I am not going to keep quiet to spare anyone's feelings. I have also been telling him numerous times daily that he needs to start parenting. I am so sick and tired of being the responsible one, the bad guy, the one that steps into the fire.
Tonight at dinner he asked what time the shower was tomorrow for his niece. I am taking SD13 (who proclaimed she wanted to be a boy 4 weeks ago and is going through her awkward stage). The three of us starting talking about the event and I asked SD13 what she was going to wear. She said she was going to wear her plaid shirt that we bought in the boy's dept last weekend, the one she just wore for school pictures. I just looked at her. I said she should wear something purple, everyone was going to be wearing purple for the bride-to-be. I knew SD13 didn't have any purple but I tried anyway. I asked her if she was going to button her plaid shirt all the way up like I had seen her do on occasion. She said yes and for the first time I told her she couldn't. Not tomorrow at this event, not on my watch. I am taking her for DH because this is a family event, but I'm not going to have her look stuffed into a shirt on an 85 degree day. She looked at me in disbelief and started her nervous giggle. DH finally spoke up and said don't button it up all the way, you don't do that unless you have a tie on. I asked her if she could take it down a notch on her aunt and cousin's special day and wear her blue dress shirt. She said she would. I have been so supportive of this kid and DH through all of this identity crisis drama. We are basically letting her be whatever she wants to be, but we give her pointers along the way as to how to dress etc. Meanwhile, we keep waiting for her hooker skirt, as we are now calling it, to arrive for her Halloween outfit. She wants the blue wig now, too. Good gosh already.
So just a few minutes ago DH and I are in the kitchen and I am looking way across the living room at SD13 on the computer. I wait for a few seconds and point for DH to look. He doesn't and SD13 shuts down her page suddenly, and then looks over her shoulder grinning. I asked her matter-of-factly what she was looking at. "Nothing." Oh well then why did you shut it down all of a sudden? "It's nothing, just google+." Google+? I didn't know you had an account, what are you doing on there? "I'm seeing how many followers I have" or whatever they're called on there. I say she has just turned 13 and isn't that a little young to have followers? I tell DH he can chime in anytime. SD13 starts getting defensive and I call her out on it. I said maybe DH should take a look at what she's doing if she says it's nothing. She says its not bad or anything. I reply that she's 13 and DH can be the judge of that because she's too young to know any better.
I am basically trying to get DH to get his ass in gear. He motioned to me to leave the room and I said he needed to start parenting. He said he would handle it. I replied that he would handle it by sitting there doing nothing, because that's easier than hearing whining from SD13 and actually parenting. I told him to quit making me do all of the parenting by being lax, and quit having me be the bad guy. I can't stand how much slides right past him, and I'll be damned if this skid is going to do this shit under my roof. I told SD13 she was at an age where she has started doing weird shit and DH could be the judge of whether or not what she was doing on the internet was appropriate. Then I calmly walked upstairs.
They are both down there and I hear SD13 whining. Way to get in there DH, way to get in there. Can't wait until the report cards come out in a few weeks. Ugh. I know I shouldn't care, but I guess I do. SD13 just stormed up the stairs. Gee did I start something? }:)
~ Moon
Turns out DH and SD13 had a
Turns out DH and SD13 had a long talk last night. DH told me she was in tears and has said she has wanted to be a boy since age 6. I told DH she was telling him what she learned off of the internet. She's enjoying being in the spotlight, getting all of the attention now. DH got really pissed with me. I said so it's ok for anyone else in this house to do or say what they want, but when I speak up I get shot down? How do you think I feel? I'm just as worried about this damn Skid. I told him she's not attracted to either sex yet and in the next year or two when that happens, we'll know better which path she'll take. I also told DH that just because SD13 is going through this, it's no excuse to keep buying her shit from the internet every other day. I told him she was eating this up. I truly don't think SD13 is doing this on purpose, she's just being a kid, asking for things she wants. Disney Dad to the rescue. I also told DH that there's no excuse for her not to get her chores done and not to have consequences for bad behavior.
I'm going to start staying at a hotel on the weekends or work overtime. Gheez. Same shit every weekend. Drama drama.
DH is stepping up more because I have been riding his ass, so that's a good thing. He told her to leave her iPod Touch at home today during the shower.
~ Moon
I had to ride DH ass for
I had to ride DH ass for years to parent his kid. He FINALLY started about 8 months ago. About time...because I was going to lose it if he did not step up.
And BTW...13 is old enough to start liking boys/girls. This is the age when they are very secretive about it.
I did not date until in
I did not date until in college, didn't drink until 21, had perfect grades. I got spanked once. Why did I do it? Because I had true parenting, the kind that has consequences...
You are a saint, keep up the good work.
I took SD13 to the shower
I took SD13 to the shower today. There must have been 50-60 women there. SD19 texted me an hour before it started, asking how nice should she dress? She was at school after staying with us Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Um, why didn't you ask then? She waits until the last minute for everything. I deleted the text without replying, something I've never done. My weekend was full of dealing with SD13 and this bridal shower, and I didn't want to advise SD19 on what to wear. She got to the shower and didn't mention a thing about the earlier text. Good. It was so hot in that house and my back was killing me from driving. I mingled a lot with DH's family, saying hi to women I've only seen a few times over the past few years. It was nice to see them, such good people. Meanwhile, SD19 was on her cell phone the entire time in another room. Some things will never change. I would go in and join the SDs to rest my back and sit every so often. SD19 was saying how tired she was because she had to deal with drunk people in her dorm room last night. Whatever SD19, no one cares, you immature skid. She was kind of looking for approval from me or something and I just said, "Only you can control what goes on in your dorm room." At one point she said she was up until 1am, then the next time it was 3:30am. Whatever. DH is on his way back from her sorority thing on campus tonight.
I am glad today is over. It got so hot at that shower that my stomach was upset. After 3 hours, SD13 and I finally left and not much had happened except for the gift opening part.
I never drank in college, still have never been drunk and was near the top of my class in HS. I had a stepfather to respect and do well for. I knew better than to goof off. I raised the bar then and I still do. I like to think I got that from my stepdad.
~ Moon
^^^^^ Now there's a thought
^^^^^ Now there's a thought ^^^^^
Agree
I have been asking them both
I have been asking them both that. I even asked SD13 point blank a few times. I said you wanted a boy's haircut and we took you shopping for boy clothes in the boy dept. The next day you want a miniskirt for Halloween? And DH orders it. I asked her all of this in front of DH last week. I told them both I was confused. SD13 started her nervous giggles and said lots of men dress in women's outfits for CosPlay. I asked her what character she was going to be for next week. And did she want us to get her a pole and put dollar bills in her skirt, too?
DH is mad that I jab at her. He really thinks she is headed towards being transgendered. I told him she is loving the attention. Just last night AGAIN she asked for her CosPlay wig to go with the hooker skirt that is on order. I'm gonna do a "twizzler" (poster on ST) and cut the damn thing with scissors if the skirt is too short.
SD13 is so freaking lost it's disturbing. She doesn't know if she's coming or going. Only time will tell. Oh, and Girl Scouts starts tonight. Yeah......
ETA: ...and she dressed like Finn from AdventureTime last week at school for hat day. Um, ok, I told her to get it out of her system before she started HS and got beat up in the bathroom.
~ Moon
Out of curiosity - how many
Out of curiosity - how many of you have actual experience with trans* people of any age?
I have had none, personally,
I have had none, personally, just friends who were gay. I understand that you feel like you are trapped in the wrong body, and you want to be the opposite sex. This has all come about overnight with SD13, so we're just letting her sort it out for now. I understand that she may have been feeling this way for awhile, but in hindsight, there have been no signs. DH and I can't really put our finger on anything. Part of me believes her, part of me thinks she wants to be the boy cartoon characters that she reads about in her anime books. Time will tell.
Well, gay is not the same as
Well, gay is not the same as trans* by any stretch of the imagination. Sorry. Are they playing? Maybe. But maybe not. A lot of trans* people have felt "wrong" from a very young age. My oldest is one - they came out to me at 18, but said they'd felt like a girl from a very young age. This isn't something kids make up, for the most part. My only regret is that I didn't know sooner. Bless Dad for taking it in stride. LOL your sk's, not my kids - Dad doesn't know. For good reason. But it must be terible to have to hide who you really are.
The costume? Kiddo's confused and trying to figure things out. It's a complicated time for most kids. Nonconventional ones especially. Making fun of them serves no purpose (and yes, you really are doing that).
Grades are a different story and should not be tied to their gender identity.Maybe you/Dad should investigate PFLAG.