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"Inform us." "Consult us."

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 6:49pm

It stuns me how many people say bm didn't "tell/inform/ask/consult with us." Bm isn't obligated to tell/ask/inform/consult sm. She's obligated to do those things with dad and then HE should say something to sm. I have no desire to consult with bm. Ever. And if I had a child whose sm thought she should have as much of a say as me/ex in big decisions, I'd tell her to tell my ex her opinions.

Comments

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Submitted by 20YearsAsAStep-Mom on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 6:56pm

I agree. BM does not need to communicate with SM direct EVER.
I never did and certainly would have felt odd doing so.

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 6:57pm

I would think for most people its a form of expression. When I would say "Bm didnt tell us" I pretty much meant she didn't tell DH.

I am sorry it stuns you. You must lead a pretty sheltered life if this is such a big concern.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 7:53pm

I agree with you on this as well.

The poster only meant they weren't informed but some of the members latched on to the wording and not what was bothering the OP in that blog.

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Fri, 09/19/2014 - 6:54am

I don't tend to use the phrasing "it stuns me" for petty situations like this. But then, I am not overdramatic like that. Its ok if you are.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 09/19/2014 - 7:39am

mooooiiisssttt..... moist. moist. moist.

}:) sorry, couldnt help it, had to distract.

c'mon ladies. lets get back to the topic at hand.

Stepintime0111's picture

Submitted by Stepintime0111 on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 7:04pm

Yeah, dh and I are a "we". We are a team. Bm actually consults me more than dh. Bm and her so are also a "we". Never saw it as a big deal. I don't expect her to consult me, but by consulting me or dh, it would be "us".

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 7:07pm

I agree. I'm a bm and it is not my desire nor my job to communicate with sm. That's the Ex's job.

I also have no desire to communicate with our ratchet bm. That's dh's job and even though she only sees ss14 4 days a month during school, and he has a RO against her, he typically asks me to write any letters or send any texts "informing" her of what's goingn in.

Teas83's picture

Submitted by Teas83 on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 7:39pm

BM has told DH that I've overstepped my boundaries simply by spending time with SD. There's no way she's communicate with me about anything and I wouldn't expect her to. SD is not my concern.

As a BM myself (currently married to my husband though) I wouldn't want to communicate with a hypothetical SM. It would not be her place to be informed of anything from me. I would only communicate with my hypothetical ex husband.

Wah-wah-11's picture

Submitted by Wah-wah-11 on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 8:42pm

No it's not BMs place to inform SM and SM technically doesn't get a say with reguards to SKs Buuuuut if it effects me or my bio child then yes I should have a say... May not be my kid but if I'm being volunteered to transport the SKs then bet your behind I should get a say etc...

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 09/18/2014 - 9:38pm

I only talk with my ex about my son. Never his long term girlfriend. That would be so weird!!!! My ex would find it weird as well. Ex never talks to my hubby about our son either.

BM and I tried to communicate in regards to SD. What a colossal mistake that was. Never again. She is all your hubby to talk to. No thanks. Rather pull out my finger nails than talk to her.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 09/19/2014 - 3:07am

Dh used to send out several emails telling bm when events were for SDs. She never showed. So now he just sends one once a year. If bm forgets the info she can get it elsewhere herself. The once a year email sounds good.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 09/19/2014 - 4:14am

This, I agree with...hopefully the dh is keeping the sm in the loop and consulting with her.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 09/19/2014 - 7:27am

I wonder if this is in reference to the post about the 14year old on BC? My opinion on that post was that a bunch of bullies came out of the woodwork to degrade a new poster on her choice of words. Sad.

She even said that when she said WE she meant for BM to talk to DH. But people still ran with it and gave her crap. Strange.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 09/19/2014 - 7:41am

OP, i agree with the intent of what you are saying.

the ideal would be each one is responsible for what happens under their own roof. no-contact type of policy unless it had directly to do with something covered in the CO (like switching religions all of a sudden, or moving across country)