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Court, court and more court. Sheesh!

hangingbyathread6's picture

So today my exH and I had mediation regarding his request for a change in parenting time to EOW. I dispute his motion as he works during the day and holds a second job 4 nights a week for "extra money" while his gf and her four or sometimes just three kids live with him. His only reason for wanting EOW is to lower his child support by getting additional overnights. It's not that he wants to spend time with his kids, and honestly I'm not sure how the gf actually feels about being responsible for our three kids four nights a week while he is gone, however usually she goes and hangs out in her bedroom and my OBD is left to care for her brother and sister. Well an hour and a half later, we of course have no agreement, so we will be headed to court...when who knows...couple weeks...

In the meantime we will also be appearing for a motion filed by exH for a modification of CS based on him losing his job and working part time now and then holding his second job also. Fine with me...no problems with that, however I am also paying the health insurance and the out of pocket expenses, part of which is supposed to be his responsibility by court order so I'm not sure just how much his CS adjustment is going to get him, but no issues either way, except of course he wants those overnights to reduce his support to zero...again even though he would see his kids off to school in the morning and then not see them again until the next morning before school. He gets his weekday visitation tomorrow and for the fifth week in a row he will be working during his visitation time therefore he won't even see the kids until Thursday morning, and it's his weekend and he is working two of the three nights of the weekend...but yes, he wants more time with his children to form a better bond...gag me

However, one bright side to this is that my DH was also served custody modification papers by his exW. She wants EOW all year round also...that $80/mo in support she pays when she's not behind for those two boys is tough you know...lol...her reason is DH is abusive to his sons (playing on that false CPS allegation she made last spring...apparently she doesn't realize we have the FULL report and that there were ZERO findings of anything inappropriate or abusive and her claim was shot down as frivolous) and so she should have them EOW...apparently he is abusive but letting them stay half the time would be okay....I don't get that, but anyway... DH asked the boys how they feel, of course BM has promised all kinds of great things she can't deliver and there are no rules there it's a free for all and they are young teens so they think it's great nd said they DO want to live with BM half time...my prayers have been answered!!! Other than it was a total kick in the nuts to DH after BM abandoned them and only walked back into their live three years ago, and now they want to go to BM but hey, I'm liking the sound of this...Although I did tell my DH that if he is abusive and she really wants them, let her have them FULL TIME and we will do EOWE and one week night...think of all the fun you could have with your boys when you don't have to run them to sports or worry about much in the way of homework!! Yeah he didn't much fall for that...for a minute I thought he was just going to agree to the EOW and hell at least I get a week at a time break from them, but alas, he has decided no, he is going to challenge it in court...dang it!! Glimmer of hope...snuffed out...just like that.

My thinking now is that the court may ask the boys how they feel and I have no doubt they will tell the court they want to be at mom's and then maybe, just maybe it will be EOW...I think I could handle that...

Funny...just two years ago I would never have wanted to hand over my skids to their unstable and irresponsible mother...but now after all her and MIL's PAS bullshit and their shitty attitudes, I'm hoping they get granted to their mother...Oh how DH would hate it if he knew I felt this way....thanks for letting me get it out!

Comments

hangingbyathread6's picture

I agree that he should allow the week on week off...however I have stated that if they come home with shitty attitudes (which is what happens during the summer with the week on/week off arrangement after 7 days of BM brainwashing them) I will not tolerate it. That there will have to be consequences and I will make myself scarce. I would like to be an EOWE SM after all the bullshit that has been pulled over the last 1 1/2- 2 yrs to be completely honest. I unfortunately do not think that BM has a chance in getting custody. She has tried three times prior and it has never worked out for her.

As for my ex...he apparently has now decided he is going to quit that second job that "he REALLY NEEDS" to make ends meet and that maybe his parents will help him but he wants to see his kids. We will see of he actually does quit. Either way I think it's most likely a long shot that he gets the change, and I'm not going to stress about it. We will both give our sides in court and the chips will fall where they lay. He two has been denied a change twice so I don't see him getting far, he thinks he has a better shot because a month ago he moved closer to us. I actually did consider lowering the CS, I did this initially with him when we first divorced with stipulations in certain things....like helping with school clothes etc and I did not have as well of a paying job at the time, he didn't follow through in the agreements without repeated requests from me so I requested that the court order the standard amount based on our state's calculation. I a, sure his support will be lowered however he willpower the credit he was getting for supplying them with health insurance (which I now do) and have to pay out of pocket expenses instead of me. If I thought that agreeing to lower or even for that matter completely decline CS would make him drop all the crap he pulls for the future I would do it, but I really don't ink anything would change.

Ughugh's picture

I absolutely HATE these arrangements. There is NO VALUE in having the GF just nanny your kids over the weekend, unless you want to go drinking. The kids need to be with a parent or the other parent. If your daughter is old enough to chime in, let her say so now. Yep. I am in my bedroom the entire time the skids are here, so I know how it goes, no value whatsoever to the children. I did not used to be in my room, but they are so nasty, I decided my health is not worth my attempt to domesticate the beasts. Too late.

You can always offer to lower the CS to where it would be if he had them on those weekends, show the Judge that you are the one that cares about the children, he could NOT care about the children, leaving them with some chick that is not even in a formal relationship with him.

hangingbyathread6's picture

I don't think the gf should be left in charge either. If he isn't there to spend time with his kids then why shouldn't they be with me? I also don't think it's fair for him to put her in that position. She may have told him she was okay with it, but that's because he supports her and her kids, his house, he pays the bills, she drives his car, etc etc. even if she truly loved them to pieces (she doesn't...they know it, he knows it, I know it and don't blame her a bit....as they aren't HER kids) it's still not right to expect that of her and I doubt the arrangement would work for long.