Where have all the clothes gone...
How do you handle the clothes situation and skids. I have no problem buying the skids clothes if they see something they like and they are with me BUT I expect to see them again! We have just moved and when DF pulled out sd8 clothes there was almost nothing (as in maybe 7 tops and one pair of shorts and all old play clothes). He buys them clothes, I have bought them clothes but they have nothing! DF has stated before that BM always sends them back in clothes that are right at too small and bitches at him when he says he has no clothes for them. I bought SD clothes last month (not becAuse I had to, just because she isn't very girly and BD and I wanted to shop with her and get her to try new styles). How do you ladies/guys handle clothes. I'm going to start putting my BD name in all of SD clothes and bitch to BM that they are missing. Might not work but... I'm open to suggestions of what works for others.
I have to agree with FCT.
I have to agree with FCT. Worked for me and I have seen many other SMs have to do the same thing.
Even if the clothes are too small or stained, send them back in them.
OMG I am finally done with
OMG I am finally done with that garbage drama. Skids came to us with no clothes, then shoved every piece of clothing they could find at our house into their bags when they left, it was disturbing.
Nowadays, I do not care what they bring or not, I buy nothing, I do no laundry.
Little jerk users and thieves.
Barf Mother used to steal her own skid's clothes in her previous "marriage", so I expect nothing less of the Barf Dumplings.
^^^^THIS^^^^. I also am done
^^^^THIS^^^^. I also am done with the clothes drama. DH pays child support (at almost the state maximum). BM can buy clothes. If she doesn't, it is on her. If they don't bring clothes, oh well. DH used to buy clothes for our house but now feels the same. Why should he be spending more money to buy more clothes just so BM can then use CS for something else.
We have skids majority of the
We have skids majority of the time, and they visit BM every other weekend.
We have a set of clothes for them at our house and BM has a limited wardrobe for them at her house.
Whatever skids are wearing when they go to BM's on Thursday night she washes and they wear to school Monday morning so we get them back when we pick them up Monday after school.
Just send your SD back home in whatever her BM sent her to you in.
I have the same situation! It
I have the same situation! It is frustrating because it's embarrassing to see them wear clothes to school that don't fit or have holes and stains. I don't recommend labeling the clothes. That will only make you look like a neurotic control freak in their eyes. It's going to be what it is. Just remember that he is with you for a reason. He's not with her probably because she did not give a darn about things like that to begin with.
P. S. Save the money you
P. S. Save the money you would spend on the skids and use it on yourself. Nobody else is going to take care of you but you!
Oh yes and I like to hide the
Oh yes and I like to hide the decent clothes. Then when we have an event that requires decent clothes I bust out a decent outfit that didn't have a chance to get smuggled.
What others said. Always put
What others said. Always put SD back in what she came in, no matter what the condition. I sometimes felt embarrassed for putting SD7 in those clothes (like it would reflect bad on me or DH)....but then I realized that BM did it first so whatever.
Also, sadly it helped SD grasp the concept when BM screamed at DH and I in front of SD when she was about 4 "YOU PUT SD IN THE WRONG SHOES, I BOUGHT THOSE AND THEY'RE MINE" so after that I would say to SD "Here are the clothes/shoes from BM's house for you to wear back today". She would reply "Yeah, I don't want my mom to be mean again". Then SD started developing a severe anxiety about having to wear the right clothes, down to her underwear so BM wouldn't freak out.
Luckily exchanges are at school now that she is older, she also has a uniform so that makes it easier. (Summertime, just send her back in the same). We have a routine where I pack her exchange day outfit/shoes in a small bag and hang it up for her to wear and she always knows to get the bag to get ready for the exchange day now. Takes a little extra effort on my part to get the right clothes ready in the bag, but saves a lot of stress for SD7.
Return them in what they came
Return them in what they came in. This is a huge issue in a lot of homes and you won't get her to return the clothes just by putting your daughter's initials in them and complaining to BM. She'll pretend she did return them, never saw them, someone stole them...you'll never see them again no matter what you do.
We have gone through this. We
We have gone through this. We buy a lot of clothes and dh's mom buys sd a lot of clothes. I put her in the nicer things when she will be coming back to our house, and have a stock of things that are less expensive, but still neat, clean, and comfortable that I get on sale or second hand that she wears to bms.
Bm used to send sd in clothes that had stains, rips, and didn't fit (even though she has a 3 figure income) and then would complain she wanted "her" clothes back. I refused to send her to school in tattered clothing, so I would toss the trash- which meant that bm was getting outfits from our place but we weren't getting anything (wearable) in return.
Bm now sends sd to our house ONLY wearing clothes we have bought. She must have piles and piles of stuff we bought, though, because I *never* see sd- for months now- wearing anything we didn't purchase. When I sorted her winter/summer clothes, there were *2* items that bm bought in our entire house. Sd comes from bm's to our place three days a week.
I don't care though. We can afford it, I want sd to look nice and be comfortable.
If we couldn't afford it & I had the time, I would take the outfits that come from bm's and wash them, then send sd back in that outfit the next time she goes to bms. In my case, since NONE of the clothes that come from bm's were bought by bm, I don't have to worry about it! lol