Advice please.... And thanks for letting me vent.
My dilemma is this. I have a step daughter who is supposed to be with us every Monday and Friday and every other weekend. My husband and I have discussed having her more often because of her bad habits. She is 8. Some of them are not cleaning up after herself asking me or her father to do simple chores for her like get her something to drink. When she comes to us in Friday after being with her mom all week her nails are dirty and long. She has to fall asleep with the TV on and is generally cranky because who knows what time ale went to bed. And she is obsessed with food. By the time we get her straight again it is time to send her back. Like I said my husband and I discussed having her more often to instill better eating and grooming habits. And better life skills in general.
Now get mother has asked to have her on the Fridays she is with her mom because sometimes they have plans and it works better for her. and my husband said yes! I am livid. This means more exposure to what we disagree with. And this Friday she ended up spending the night with her cousin with whom she can see anytime. Which is directly not her reason for wanting her on Friday.
I have expressed my frustration to my husband and his reply is I'll talk to her about it. Am I wrong about this and what should I do?
Give it up, sista! She's a
Give it up, sista! She's a lost cause. Between a Barf Mother and a Disney Dad, you are still just...the Evil Stepmother that tortures little Slum Princess with trivial things like bathing and proper bed routine and you know...a good upbringing in general.
DH wants her gone. He wants peace. BM wants what SHE wants. The kid is screwed. Back off. I'm in the same boat, as are most of us here.
Enjoy your peace, she'll be completely gone soon and onto the streets and some welfare program.
Thanks!
Thanks!
unless the girl is being
unless the girl is being harmed or abused, you will probably not get custody.
we tried for joint for similar reasons a year ago and lost. my SD is 13 and has horrible study and sleep habits, eats nothing but junk, no discipline or structure and is extremely immature.
He does care about her well
He does care about her well being but is afraid to stand up to her mom. Should I continue bucking about it to him until something changes? Or keep rolling my eyes in disgust at the way this child behaves and looks? It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. And I feel like my husband is a chump.
"It's hard for me to keep my
"It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut."
^^^^^^^
This is me to the "T"! I have the same issues with SS12 & his BM. I am appalled at the filth & laziness she has instilled in him. He has lived with DH & I for 6yrs and nothing we try to teach him makes a difference, and he only visits BM EOW but when we make him clean himself & his room it gets done...but DH says SS shows all the same traits as BM & her nasty family and he will probably be this way as an adult no matter how much we try to change it.
I wouldn't give up on the time skid is with you, enforce rules and consequences for when she is with you. I also do not suggest having more time with her, that's just more time you will be disgusted by the behavior. Try to find a way to get through to your DH, maybe suggest that if he doesn't try to teach her hygiene she will be made fun of at school...usually parents will do anything to protect their children.
We have joint custody so
We have joint custody so that's not the issue
No plans I just can't believe
No plans I just can't believe he allowed it and isn't going change it. Guess I'll have to drop it...
Listen to the advice. Most
Listen to the advice. Most people on this site have many years of experience and have learned the hard way. It really is better to just keep rolling your eyes in disgust. I've been rolling my eyes for 7 years. During the first 3 years, I tried to do what you are doing but it all backfired too many times. Even as a full time SM, my SD11 just hates to hear any help or advice from me. She refuses. So I just let her be dirty hoping her peers will get to her because I can't.
Let your dh deal with the
Let your dh deal with the custody schedule. Our only rule is that he doesn't make changes that involve me without asking me.
Chances are having her more isn't going to change her, it is just going to increase the amount of time you have to deal with her and suppress your eye rolling and comments.
In the long run, what is your goal, to fix someone else's child or to have a good marriage- if it is the latter, then let it go, enjoy your new found freedom on Friday nights, and focus on your marriage.
Thanks! Very helpful.
Thanks! Very helpful.