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SD reverting to babyhood

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 10:32pm

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Blended Family Issues

Hello to all! SD 8 started wetting her bed nightly two weeks ago while at her mom's. Started wearing diapers and eating 100% baby food. Even her speech is regressing. Her behavior is more ADHD like than ever. I can't even be around her, it's nauseating. Anyone deal with this?

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 10:44pm

Yep. Every week another ultimate drama! Daddae buys it for her. If I say anything, I'm Da Witch!

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 10:53pm

Invite her friends over. Make a big show of offering them a snack and giving sd a bottle. Check her diaper to see if it needs to be changed. In front of them. Nothing like peer pressure.

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 10:58pm

She has no friends. She has increasingly become a recluse. She's obsessed with her dad. I'd say Hey, let's go to the (fun place) and shed answer I'd rather stay and help Dad with the garage...

MamaFox's picture

Submitted by MamaFox on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 11:02pm

Oh Hell no!

You get up in your husband's face the next time he buys baby food or diapers and you put your foot down!

"Really DH? She'll need tampons and pads soon enough and you are going to buy her diapers today?! You want to change her pads for her too? This ends today, and never happens again!"

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 11:08pm

He thinks if he ignores issues, they go away. Wrong. 4 years later, they are all worse! SD8 acts every year another year back, so does SD14. Another day, another drama-worse this time!

MamaFox's picture

Submitted by MamaFox on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 11:11pm

Seriously, ask I'm if he wants to change tampons and diapers at the same time. If he freaks out then tell him if he doesn't fix the situation NOW, that's what's going to happen.

This is absolutely unacceptable.

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 11:15pm

He'd blame me, not her. Ughhhhh it never ends. She also leaves her peed pants anywhere, wrappers on the floor, her room a bloody mess, never bathes even when she used to love bathing, now she blows it off for days, there is no consistent parenting in their lives.

MamaFox's picture

Submitted by MamaFox on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 11:19pm

And if they are going to act like babies...bed time is 6pm, they don't get to eat ice cream or with forks or bowls or drink soda or kool aid or anything like that.

Babies don't get to play with cell phones or iPods or videogames. Babies don't get to watch tv or movies. Babies get time outs for everything. Hell, make shit up at this point. Babies don't get to have long hair or wear jewelry or pick their own outfits and shoes. Take their beds away. Can't put her in a crib so put her in a pack and play and tell her its her new bed, babies don't sleep in beds. Put baby monitors in their rooms 24/7. Don't answer them when they call for you, babies can't talk. No stuffed animals or toys of any kind, babies can't sleep with toys, they could suffocate.

MamaFox's picture

Submitted by MamaFox on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 11:35pm

Don't forget, no extra pillows or blankets in the pack and play. Babies need hard beds and only one blanket, and they have to sleep on their backs. Hell! Swaddled her in a blanket. Leave her that way.

Embarrass the shit out of her. Only send her to school in ugly footy pjs, be sure to explain in person to the teacher "Well, according to SD8, she is a baby again, so I sent you a bag full of diapers and bottles and baby food. Don't let her color or use glue or scissors, since babies can't use those. Actually, I think we will take her home, it sinks like she made a mess in her diaper.."

Then ask her in a baby voice "oh peanut, did you go poopoo in your pants??"

Say the last bit in front of all the other kids. Loudly. Maybe even repeat it.

I give it a week or so and that shit stops quick.

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Tue, 09/09/2014 - 9:23am

Cute idea!

Sadly, lately, she does choose to "not make it to the bathroom", then stages all this drama about having nothing to change into, leves wet pants on the floor and they reek!

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Tue, 09/09/2014 - 9:10am

DH does not buy these things on his own initiative. SD is the one that forces him to buy baby food. He just thinks nothing of it. As for ADHD, she does talk and walk a mile a minute and it is getting worse, she is needier and more demanding, even her sister noticed that. As for BM, SD peed her bed and her sister's bed three nights in a row and BM did not even know it, SD told nobody, her sister noticed when she came home form he trip.

I am just sick of her erratic behavior and constant need to manipulate DH into treating her like a baby. She started this "Daddae!!!" talk and googoo language four weeks ago, then the whining and bossing, the the ADHD which got worse, then the bed wetting at her BM's house, then the baby food thing... UGH!

We have been through so much, nothing is a deal breaker for me, it's just never ending drama...

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Tue, 09/09/2014 - 11:53am

He thinks that baby food is an improvement from the 100% pure sugar diet she lived in until this fiasco, but I agree, he is ignorant to the darker side of this

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Tue, 09/09/2014 - 9:18am

Nothing new here, all is peaceful, no fighting, no new baby, pretty much routine, they spend time with their dad, I let them do their thing, if DH needs help, I watch them or take them somewhere, nothing new here. That is what is shocking. I thought maybe it's school nerves, but she said she likes school because she gets to color a lot. I know this started at her mother's house, but you will never get any honesty from BM. One time I asked older SD in passing "What is up with Little Missy over there, she is demanding lately" and then SD let it rip about the bed wetting and baby food and baby language and spoiled Shirley Temple act recently... I'm sure she did not get molested either. She's just a mess, always has been. I care for her, don't get me wrong, but it's easier for me to just do my thing and leave them to their mess. They all told me to mind my business, so I have since day one...

onthefence2's picture

Submitted by onthefence2 on Sat, 09/13/2014 - 11:36pm

I was in a LTR with a guy whose daughter was similar. The bm was REALLY infantilizing her at every turn, but Daddy didn't help matters. When we first met, she had really bad baby talk that he thought was cute. Gag. Within a year, she started peeing her pants. It started at her moms all the time, and then eventually it started happening at Dad's, too. But it's SO crazy, because it's not like she was doing it on purpose. She had all this whiny baby behavior, but it was almost like the peeing her pants was coincidence and was just a developmental thing (sometimes the bladder and body grow at different rates, causing this). But it HAS to be a deep psychological thing where they literally are going back to that time and physically responding, because 6-7-8 year olds don't normally enjoy wetting their pants. And if your sd isn't telling anyone she did it in her bed, it's not that she's looking for attention. It's really weird and certainly not healthy if Daddy is just ignoring real issues. I've been out of that LTR for 2 years and all I hear about the kids is negative stuff. Big surprise.

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Mon, 09/15/2014 - 7:49am

Awesome reply. I hear lots of love and experience in your post. Thank you.

No, I totally agree that the parents set the tone for a child's life. I spend a lot of time with my bios, hugging and kissing their cheeks and laughing and playing, so I think SD wants that. I do not feel comfortable doing that with a child that is not my own blood, I mean I am kind to her, kiss her on the head or give her a hug when she is struggling, but she was never LOVED by either parent in a warm way, so infantilizing herself is her way to take back her childhood, in a way, I get that, but I also cannot be around it, it is so disturbing.

DH is a simple man, not super educated or enlightened in any way, he and BM basically parent by not parenting, if you know what I mean, there is no correction or affection. UGH

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 09/14/2014 - 12:31pm

In your house no diapers and no baby food. If BM wants to cater to that bullshit then she can deal with the crap that falls out. If SD freaks when she is visiting your SO then put her in an empty room and let her shriek until she is exhausted and goes to sleep.

This has to be dealt with now before it gets entirely out of control.

IMHO of course.

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Mon, 09/15/2014 - 7:53am

Oh, I agree. If my bios did this, their dad and I would have a long talk with all four of us together as to what is really going on!!!

I read a bedtime story to my bios, then turn lights off and sing, pray, talk a little, but once they are out (which is pretty quick because they work out a lot), I go back to our bed. If they wake up in the middle of the night, they know what they can or cannot do, but I do not sleep in their bed all night... She discovered that this is yet another way to have Daddaeee's attention, in yet another negative way.

I do not hate my skids, I resent the crap that they are taught or allowed to get away with, but DH or BM are not they type that really care about their children, so...there's you guys here on StepTalk Smile

Thank you for your reply Smile