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Frustrated

Lovechickens's picture

I can't get my husband to understand what it's like for me emotionally as a step mom. Most of the time I feel used. He expects me to pay for and to provide insurance for his kids, yet I have no say in things. He threw a fit when I said I didn't want sd to use the car to school. He defended her. Then I suggested, ok, if she wants to use the car, she can pay for insurance, again another fit, I'm not going to burden her.
Sd is still in HS, but she works, I figured since she is using "our" vehicle she can contribute, even a small amount. I'm in a no win situation no matter how I look at it. Both lack of emotional support, and financial support. Oh, don't get me wrong, my dh does provide, but he has no idea the resentment I feel towards him and his kids. It's like providing for the neighbor kids. Sacrificing for them, but there's no return. Kids don't call me mom, I'm called my dad's wife, or by my first name. It stinks. I hate bring a step mom, and I don't like bring married. Complete lack of emotional support.

furkidsforme's picture

Why should she have a car given to her? I worked in High School too, and I bought my own car AND paid my car insurance. Sure, it was a beater, but that's what a kid should be driving!

Kids these days are the way they are because they are handed everything and earn NOTHING!!!!

Orange County Ca's picture

"furkidsforme' is right of course, millions of people who think they're owed. I've read that almost 50% of our population receives money, tax breaks or other value from the federal government. Every penny the government gives to these people comes from someone else's pocket.

But what are you going to do? You said you're tired of paying for his kids as well you should be. Stop doing it. You hate where you're living, his kids, lack of emotional support. So why aren't you leaving? Go on get out of there. There is nothing for you.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I feel the same way. I take care of the checkbook and DH and I both work FT. The entire family is on my health insurance. When SD19 was 17 and got a hand-me-down car FREE from DH, he made her pay insurance, about $1200/year, while we were still making payments on the car. It was my idea to keep it for her as a first car. BM lucked out and didn't have to split the cost of purchasing a used car for SD then. All of a sudden SD19 is at college and DH says she can't afford insurance because she's not working while in school. SD19 also has her late BMs car, which she actually took to school this year. I told DH that if it got vandalized or anything, SD19 could pay the deductible. DH hasn't asked her to pay insurance since summer 2013 before she started college. That was it.

Thankfully we have a few death benefits for the kids from BM's passing, so everything is covered for now, but it's just the principle of it all! SD19 turned off her wi-fi by mistake last month and ran up our cell phone data usage while at the beach. DH called Verizon to make sure that he upped our usage so we wouldn't have astronomical charges. DH changed it from 12G to 18G and it's $25 more a month now. It would have been close to $65 if it was straight overage charges.

I still continue to go into SD19's savings and move money over for her assinine mistakes that cost us -- the higher phone bill, breaking three phone chargers and not replacing her sister's, buying make-up & protein powder and vitamins when she went "back-to-school" shopping on our dime. Those items are personal choice items and if you want to live that large, it needs to be on YOUR dime. I told DH we weren't covering these items and he could let SD19 know. He didn't tell her and she's clueless as she doesn't check her savings account to see what I've transferred.

She is an entitled, whining brat.

~ Moon

niknakpaddywak2's picture

Don't pay for anything. I refuse to I only get my SD gifts for special occasions. Xmas birthday etc

Lovechickens's picture

Sounds like other step-moms are dealing with similar issues. I can't access SD account. My name isn't on it, only DH and hers. If my name were on it I wouldn't take money out without DH knowing. What bothers me is a DH expects me to support everyone financially, with insurance, and to support them emotionally, yet I don't reap the benefits, they don't call me mom. Youngest SD moved in with mom a year ago. I already told DH if she stays there I'm NOT putting on a graduation party for her bio mom can do it or none at all. I gave SS a party, and spent hundreds plus a full week of preparation. He did appreciate it, and I'll do other SD party (unless she moves out before she graduates in two years) .but the youngest, no, I'm not doing it.