Update on my troubles with my SM

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Update:
I posted a couple days back about the problems that I'm having with my SM
So i booked a flight & hotel to stay in the same city where my dad lives so I could talk things out with my SM. It did NOT go as I expected

My SM and I are close in age and from the beginning we talked about how we would be open and honest with each other. We are adults and I think thats the way it should be.
So I asked her to meet me for coffee, I explained to her how I felt, that maybe she was keeping my sister from me and the rest of the family because of problems shes been having with my dad and that what she said hurt my feelings but that I understood that since she had a few drinks that night that maybe she had said things she didn't mean.
I took someones advice from here and told her I went on a Step-parent forum to get some advice on our situation and she was surprised by that
And things were going fine she even apologized for what she said about me.
Until she started talking badly about my mom...it made me extremely uncomfortable, angry even.

This is when I snapped, I'm sorry but I couldn't keep it in anymore, I get her issues with my dad, even my grandma...but my mom doesn't even speak my SM, they have met twice. I told her to keep my moms name out of her mouth and walked out.
I went back to my hotel room to pack. Because I was getting far away as fast as possible, I rented a car and left.

The next day my aunt sent me a screenshot of a post my SM posted on FB (she de-friended me) insulting me and saying I'm a brat just like my mom & all sorts of crap.
Ok who puts that stuff on facebook? where all of our family can see. I don't get her
I blame my dad for letting her speak that way about me, especially on social media where our family could see. We got in an argument and he sided with her, whatever.

I love my sister but I will not speak to my SM again, or at least until she gets her sanity back. I feel like she completely lost it, we were okay one second and the next she went nuts.
Even though I am mad at her, I still miss her and wish we were on good terms. But I've lost faith in that

I will continue on with my life and move, it saddens me that I am not allowed to see my sister, but I will not go against her moms wishes of not seeing me.

I just want to say that I am no angel, but I considered myself to be a good step-kid, I got along great with her and kept my mouth shut for a long time.
I know that this forum is mostly about nightmare Step-kids but not all of us are that bad, and it's nice to come here and see that there are some really amazing Step-parents who care about their step-kids.
Thank you all for the advice you have given me I really do appreciate it.

You gave it your best shot

You gave it your best shot both as a child and as an adult and she's just not ready to accept you for who you are. Many step-mothers cannot relate to step-children in a normal way because their man sired children with another woman, the kids take time away from her time with him or just in general or a myriad of other reasons.

At this point stop all communication with her except as needed to stay in contact with your father and sibling. I'm curious about why you would wait for your sibling to contact you instead of staying in contact with her? Even if she is very young you can still send cards etc. via her father and call to make sure he got them to the kid. Also call her directly if she can use a telephone.

For damned sure if I were in

For damned sure if I were in your shoes I would not allow a toxic Sparent to keep me from my sibling. Having a relationship with your sister has absolutely nothing to do with your SM IMHO and has everything to do with what you want and what your sister wants. If your SM can't retain contact with her sanity then work the relationship with your father. Keep that sound and you can have whatever relationship you wish to have with your sister who also is your father's daughter.

In hindsight when your SM attacked your mother you would have been better served to have said "I understand the tensions of having your husband's XW and their history looming in the background of your marriage but my mom has nothing to do with our conversations and I would like to keep it that way. Lets focus on our relationship why don't we?"… rather than attacking her and storming out.

All IMHO of course.

At least you tried...Beyond

At least you tried...Beyond that, all you can do is live your life and down the road, maybe have a relationship with your sibling.

Your SM sounds immature, but you don't know what your BM has done and what your BD has told his wife about his ex. Unfortunately, unless you are in their marriage you have no idea why she resents your BM. I hate our BM and I have only spoken to her maybe three times. No way to know what caused her to feel this way. So it is best to stay out of it.

Thanks everyone for the

Thanks everyone for the feedback!
Let me explain some things, my sister is a toddler, she's 2. SM has stated that she does not want me to visit her, basically I am not allowed to go to the house and see my sister and give her a hug.
She has made this VERY clear and not only to me, but also to other family members. Claiming that if we show up at her home she will call the police (I call BS on that one)
So I will not go against her wishes and visit my sister. She is still very young and I want to be a part of her life so that she can grow up and know that I will always be there for her.

What I've been doing is basically seeing her through Facetime with my dad when SM is not around. I send her books because she loves them even though she can't read with little notes saying I love her, to let her know that I am still there.
The nanny, who is a godsend lets me speak to her on the phone sometimes.
But theres not really much I can do since she is still very young and with her mom most of the time

My dad is one hell of a pushover and will not stand up to SM for nothing, he always sides with her, I guess not have problems with her or idk.
But the fact that he lets her keep me and the rest of our family from seeing my sister baffles me. He should have a say too, he is her father after all!

As for the "heart to heart" I had with her I have to agree with Rags and say that it wasn't my best moment and should have handled it better. That is my only regret in this situation.

My dad doesn't pay CS (obviously since I am 20, have a job and live by myself) which is why I don't understand the animosity, I really don't take anything away from her. I mean my father will always be my father and I will always be in his life but she knew that from the beginning, I don't live with them and only visit from time to time. I don't understand where the hate is coming from.

Like most of you said, at least I tried

Thanks everyone for the

As for the "heart to heart" I had with her I have to agree with Rags and say that it wasn't my best moment and should have handled it better. That is my only regret in this situation.

Like most of you said, at least I tried

Hi sally, no offense taken, I

Hi sally, no offense taken, I appreciate all the feedback I can get

You make a valid point, maybe she does feel that way and that's on me
BUT I just want to state that she was the one who asked me to help out when the baby was born.
Maybe she feels as if I'm trying to mother my sister but I don't ever discipline her, feed her, take her to daycare, or any other things that her mom does
I live HOURS away from them, I only go to visit for a weekend (once a month if that) and occasionally babysit if they ask me
If that's how she feels then I would apologize, it was never my intention to make her feel that way. I just thought I was helping out :?

When I say that my dad is a pushover is because he is, and not just with her but with other people too, he's been like that his whole life
SM and my dad don't even have a good relationship, they're always at eachothers throats, maybe another reason why she's upset all the time
But I will not get involved or even ask about that

My problem is her insulting my mother in front of me, it's inappropriate and disrespectful. I would never talk badly about SM to my sister.

Either way I'll give them their space, I won't contact either of them. If SM wants to bury the hatchet then so be it, if not then that's fine by me too.

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