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promise2hrt's picture

I am the baby of the family never had to share if I didn't want to, I don't have kids of my own. I am now in a serious relationship on the road to marriage,with him comes 2 SD's. I don't find what the 14 finds interesting,funny and so on. I'm about to go nuts with these boy bands. I know I sound very selfish but I want to be a good mother figure to them just need help getting there. Help!!

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twoviewpoints's picture

Psst...here's a little secret. I'm the mother of a daughter 14. I don't always find what my DD is yakking about funny or interesting either. This is my second time around with a daughter (my oldest one is 33yrs old. I was much younger with my first daughter , of course, but I still didn't find her funny and all that interesting when she was a young teen.

It's ok. Listen for a while and then change the subject. You're not 13, 14, or 15. We'd all be much more worried about it if you said you hung on the teens every word and found her captivating. The important thing is she obviously likes you or she wouldn't be trying to share her day and interests with you.

You'll do fine with the 'girl time' together if you just remember she's 14 and you're not. It's a two way street though. You should share with her what were your favorite songs at that age and the like. She'll find you as silly as you find her. The point is to communicate and get a relationship going. One where she enjoys chatting with you but begins to feel she could really come to you if she needed to seriously talk or had a problem.

CBCharlotte's picture

Try and find common ground over time. When I first met SD14 she was into Taylor Swift and One Direction, but had an interest in music. I've introduced her to some new bands from "my time" (I'm only 27 so still fairly young and cool haha). I too am 13 years older than her. Now she is into some better music. She also now loves the boy bands I loved growing up, so we will listen to NSync, 98 degrees, backstreet boys, etc in the car. It's terrible music, but we have fun with it.

I remember being 14 and wanting almost nothing to do with my parents, so I'm just happy she wants to talk to me and share her life with me. As she ages, she will become more interesting (hopefully) so put in the ground work now.

We've found some other common interests. We both love to dig around boutiques for some cool finds (her younger sister and BM don't like shopping so this is a treat). She is more adventurous with food so we have that. She also loves going to the movies, so if her younger sister is busy somewhere I will take her to a PG-13 (or appropriate R) just the two of us.

She is also very mature so occasionally I will bring her out with my friends. Not out to a bar lol, but over to a girlfriend's house for a get together, or a movie outing. She loves that.

Just put in the ground work now and pray the teen years aren't too tough! That's my advice. I truly like/love SD14 and SD11 and we all get along and have fun together with minimal speed bumps, hoping ages 14-18 aren't too bumpy!

GOOD LUCK!!!