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Need advice...DH lets SS6 stay up until 2am! Wtf!

KidsAreAMigraine's picture

So I got into this big fight with my DH. I had rented a movie for him and I to watch after his kids 3 & 6 went to bed that evening. We really, really needed some together time. He had his kids an extra few days that week and he completely ignores me when they are over, so that week, I had really felt alone in our relationship! Anyway, he lets these kids stay up till all ridiculous hours of the morning blasting cartoons in the living room. I put my foot down this summer and started going to the bedroom to decompress and watch regular non-cartoon tv when I started getting tired (about midnight). I used to try everything I could to actually stay up till he would finally put his kids to bed, so that him and I could spend a little time together before we went to sleep. This evening in question, I went to the bedroom to get comfy and watch some tv while waiting for DH to put the kids to bed, so we could have our movie time. That was about midnight. Well, 1:30am rolls around and I am getting PISSED still waiting. I needed to go into the kitchen and get some water. I have to walk through the living room to get there, so I say "hey, just so you know, its after 1am". That was it. He finally puts the kid to bed and comes in at 2am and I am expected to stay awake to watch this damn movie. I was not pleased. I watched about 30 minutes of it and I was Zzzzzz. I didn't make any big deal of the whole thing. I am so used to getting totally ignored and sh*t on when his kids are here that it just doesn't get to me anymore, its normal life. The next morning, he is acting like a dick to me. I had no idea why. Then, he just blurts out all hurt "do you not want me to spend time with my kids? there was no reason for you to come out of the bedroom and tell me it was 1am, I knew that! You knew the kids go back to school next week! Its my last weekend with them!" I was dumbfounded. I explained that was not the case, and had never been. I never tried to compromise his time with his kids, not ever. I also was unaware of when school starts...its irrelevant to me honestly...and his time with them isn't reduced in anyway during school time, except that during the day, obviously they are at achool. I didn't say any of that of course, but I was thinking it! Then he said that he thought he was doing a nice thing for me. He said that he was going to sleep in living room with them like a campout or some sh*t because ohhhhhh god its their last weekend before school starts. Instead, he was doing me a favor by not making me sleep alone and decided against this "campout" thing. So, of course, because he pulled the "time with his kids" card, I am wrong on all counts and just an awful b*tch. ugh!!!! *rolls eyes* Anyone else deal with this kind of crap? Any advice for me PLEEEEASE!

Orange County Ca's picture

Your biography says you don't want children but fell in love with this guy. Have you fallen out yet?

You really need to find a guy who doesn't want children and there are plenty who would be delighted to find a girl that isn't feeling her clock go tick tock.

I'm not sure why you even agreed to a date beyond what it took to learn he had children. It would be my first question even before accepting that first date.

Tell him this was a mistake on your part, accept all blame to avoid any arguing or pleading and get on with your life. You'll be second fiddle far beyond their 18th birthdays.

KidsAreAMigraine's picture

exactly! its insane what he lets these little kids do just so they have "the best time ever" while they are here! i am the ONLY one who asks if the now 1st grader has any homework (he does every night and did each night for kindergarten too), the thought never even crosses his father's mind..just cartoons, cartoons, cartoons! god forbid i mention they should brush their teeth or wash their filthy hands!

Rags's picture

This is toxic parent 101. Even when they know that they are idiots they attempt to spin their stupid decisions against whoever catches their idiocy.

Rather than tolerate him sleeping on your couch let DH know that he is full of shit and if he persists in his stupid bullshit parenting he can sleep on the curb.

Pathetic!

KidsAreAMigraine's picture

I really appreciate everyone's advice. I really hope to find a decent balance at some point. I am so happy to have found this site where I know that my negative feelings about this stuff aren't crazy and I am not completely alone in this. It is easy to feel like the kid hating wicked witch when I actually don't hate kids at all, I just hate living with ill-behaved ones!

Emily1984's picture

Summer holiday or no summer holiday, 2am bedtime for a 6yo is literally INSANE. I'm dumbfounded and I have to be honest and say that's one of the most appalling things I've read on here.

The person who allows that doesn't sound rational in the slightest, so I'm sure trying to raise the issue with him will continue to fall on deaf ears. I think this is an issue purely between you and him. Ask yourself this: Is he capable of understanding your feelings? Does he actually care?

Kat67's picture

2 am is crazy!! I get irritated if the kid is up til 9:30...his bedtime is 9 pm! I have been disengaging and it seems to be helping, I am not really sure if I have any advice as I am navigating all of this too but if it helps ... you aren't alone!