DH lets SS6 stay up till frickin 2am! WTF
So I got into this big fight with my DH. I had rented a movie for him and I to watch after his kids 3 & 6 went to bed that evening. We really, really needed some together time. He had his kids an extra few days that week and he completely ignores me when they are over, so that week, I had really felt alone in our relationship! Anyway, he lets these kids stay up till all ridiculous hours of the morning blasting cartoons in the living room. I put my foot down this summer and started going to the bedroom to decompress and watch regular non-cartoon tv when I started getting tired (about midnight). I used to try everything I could to actually stay up till he would finally put his kids to bed, so that him and I could spend a little time together before we went to sleep. This evening in question, I went to the bedroom to get comfy and watch some tv while waiting for DH to put the kids to bed, so we could have our movie time. That was about midnight. Well, 1:30am rolls around and I am getting PISSED still waiting. I needed to go into the kitchen and get some water. I have to walk through the living room to get there, so I say "hey, just so you know, its after 1am". That was it. He finally puts the kid to bed and comes in at 2am and I am expected to stay awake to watch this damn movie. I was not pleased. I watched about 30 minutes of it and I was Zzzzzz. I didn't make any big deal of the whole thing. I am so used to getting totally ignored and sh*t on when his kids are here that it just doesn't get to me anymore, its normal life. The next morning, he is acting like a dick to me. I had no idea why. Then, he just blurts out all hurt "do you not want me to spend time with my kids? there was no reason for you to come out of the bedroom and tell me it was 1am, I knew that! You knew the kids go back to school next week! Its my last weekend with them!" I was dumbfounded. I explained that was not the case, and had never been. I never tried to compromise his time with his kids, not ever. I also was unaware of when school starts...its irrelevant to me honestly...and his time with them isn't reduced in anyway during school time, except that during the day, obviously they are at achool. I didn't say any of that of course, but I was thinking it! Then he said that he thought he was doing a nice thing for me. He said that he was going to sleep in living room with them like a campout or some sh*t because ohhhhhh god its their last weekend before school starts. Instead, he was doing me a favor by not making me sleep alone and decided against this "campout" thing. So, of course, because he pulled the "time with his kids" card, I am wrong on all counts and just an awful b*tch. ugh!!!! *rolls eyes* Anyone else deal with this kind of crap? Any advice for me PLEEEEASE!
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Comments
My husband plays the "I just
My husband plays the "I just want to spend more time with my child" card all the time. He doesn't let SD6 stay up as late as your husband lets his son stay up though. It's usually about 10:00 when I have to remind him what time it is (which is still too late for a 6 year old IMO). Her BM claims that she goes to bed at 7:30 during the week. I told my husband it's better for SD if she keeps a more consistent bedtime. I understand it's the weekend and she could stay up a bit later, but not that much later.
My husband and SS's BM does
My husband and SS's BM does the same thing. The thing is, children need structure. They should not be staying up all hours of the night like that. It only hurts them in the long run, and makes them very crabby!
Why the hell are a 3 and 6
Why the hell are a 3 and 6 year old staying up until 2am? I don't give a flying fuck if it's the "last weekend" next weekend's excuse will be "this is the only time I get to stay up late with the kids weekend"
Those kids should be in bed at a normal bedtime. I think a 6 year old should be in bed by 8. When kids go to bed adults need their time, whether it's together or alone.
All he's teaching the kids is that they are the priority and the woman in his life is at the bottom of the list. The household doesn't revolve around the kids.
Damn your DH has me so pissed for you! My DH always put the skids before us, but he would never have the skids staying up all hours of the night. He wants to be known as the fun parent, Disney Dad.
He needs to parent. Honey I would disengage now. Let him deal with it all.
Love the; but I want to spend
Love the; but I want to spend time with my child(ren) excuse, so how much quality, bond building time is it when sat on your asses watching cartoons?
Id be so pissed if that had happened here, heck Im pissed for you. Hubby needs a big ass wake up call hes a parent not a friend
That's called terrible
That's called terrible parenting.
I agree with SecondGeneration
I agree with SecondGeneration -- How much do you bond while watching cartoons past midnight? At that point, hell at any point, the TV is a built-in babysitter, used to distract the kids. This way DH doesn't have to go chasing them all over or even interact with them because that would require EFFORT. Sounds like he is very selfish and doesn't like to interact with anyone.
~ Moon
Sounds very immature and
Sounds very immature and irresponsible! The home is yours too and you two need to sit down and work out rules and schedules that will work for the family, and be enforced. If he can not manage turning off the boob tube and getting kids in bed at a decent hour, what else can't he take care of? I would be irate, and concerned for a future with a person who seems to lack common sense and judgement as a parent! Is it the worst thing ever? No ofcourse not! But it is unneccassary and totally stupid on his part! The kids should have been bathed and in bed for the start of school to go smoothly.
He's a poor father, and if he
He's a poor father, and if he doesn't know enough to even set a reasonable bedtime for his children then imagine how badly he's going to handle the thousands of other parenting issues that are going to come up as they grow older. And how you're going to end up at the butt end of that bad parenting. It's not uncommon for non custodial Dad's to try to squeeze more time out of their evenings with their children, my DH did it, but 1am, and then he thinks they should have stayed up even later, is ludicrous. And that's not even addressing the fact that he's making no time for you. That incredible defensiveness about his time with them doesn't bode well.
When I first met DH my SD was
When I first met DH my SD was 3. I used to come over during the weekend when she was here and he would let her stay up until 11. It was absurd! A 3 year old up at 11 at night?? And it was a frequent thing too...after a couple of weeks of observing this I said something to him and he started putting her to bed at an appropriate time, but seriously!