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partners adult daughter is a stroppy brat

BanjoPlayer's picture

I've been with my partner for a couple of years and although I get on with the rest of the kids his one daughter will not except me. I have never fallen out with her and just wanted to be a friend but she is rude to/ about me and looks at me like sh*t.I have spoken to my partner about it and he doesn't know what to do about it. She lives with her boyfriend but is a really daddy's girl. I cant take much more of her attitude, any advice? Thanks Smile

ChiefGrownup's picture

FWIW, I announced to my DH the day SD turns 18 I am treating her like an adult. No more pussy-footing of any kind.

He supported that statement and agreed with it.

You have already crossed that hallmark, so make full use of it.

BanjoPlayer's picture

The SD os 25 & the favourite of his kids and she knows it. I don't see much of him thru the week 'incase it upsets her' (I'm seriously p****d off now) & he's got into a routine of doing what he wants. I have spoken to he and I know he knows things need to improve but I'm still waiting.

ChiefGrownup's picture

"doesn't see you...upsets her?!!!?" WTF?

Drop this guy. This situation is hopeless. Really. It is.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Don't expect her to change ( worse scenario) is she does ( which I highly doubt she will) that will just be gravy for you.

I matter to DF but I know he won't completely cut her out of his life ~ she just won't be around me ~ which to me ~ my gravy.

Don't want to be around someone just bc she is a part of someone I loves life. I will not be forced in her life n vice m versa. I chose to be around people who I enjoy their company n they enjoy being around me. I will not allow Veruca ruin our happiness. He can chose to be with me n be loved like he has never been loved by Tinkerdouche n grow old with me or ~ wait for Veruca to make time for him ~ be her ATM n be alone. Your choice big fella ~

twoviewpoints's picture

While you can't force her to like you and be your friend, you certainly do not need to put up with attitude in your own home.

The next time she arrives at your home and starts her attitude towards you , get up, hand her jacket and say 'Im sorry , you'll have to be going now. I don't go into your home treating you rudely nor glaring sh*t looks at you and you will not come into my home and do these things to me' Then walk over, open the door and tell her good-bye and that she's welcome to come back anytime she can behave herself.

Yes, if your partner doesn't like what you had just done, tell him he is totally free to visit his daughter outside of your home and/or at her home. That you've done nothing to bring this rude bratty behavior on from her and you don't intend to be treated rudely and/or with disgust in your home.

You gave him a chance (by talking to him about this subject), he had no clue how to handle it so you did it yourself.

If your own partner will not see to it guest (even one's own children) will treat you with respect and behave civilly in your own home than perhaps he's not the man for you. You don't invite people over to the house and allow that person to be rude and disrespectful to him, therefore you expect the same consideration from him. You're not telling him he can't have a relationship with his daughter, you're just saying it won't come at your expense in your home. She's welcome back when she can act the mature young lady she is suppose to be as an adult.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Love this scenario you have painted, 2vpnts.

Immediately brings to mind a very grand moment in the opera, La Traviata. Violeta is an, ahem, kept woman. But she has found true love with a young man, in spite of her "profession." The young man's father is distraught about it and comes to their love cottage to speak his mind to Violeta.

He waltzes in, smug and self-righteous, making snarky remarks. (He's singing bass, btw, all patriarchal indignation.)

But Violeta rises to her feet and breaks in with her beautiful soprano, fragile with tuberculosis, but completely majestic with self-respect: "Sir! I am a lady -- and in my own house!"

This display of true dignity and authority of the homeowner shuts the man up and he remembers how to be a guest. It is a very wonderful moment. It should be required viewing for all stepmoms.

P.S. This does not change my opinion stated above that OP's situation is already hopeless. The man won't see her during the week or whatever in case it upsets adult daughter? Are you freaking kidding me? Nothing good can come from this whole situation.

Orange County Ca's picture

Seems the consensus is to dump the guy.

I agree. He's got his favorite, it ain't you and he ain't changing.

Rags's picture

A man with no balls is no partner. He needs to put a hand between his legs, grope for a big handful of man sack, and put his foot up his daughters ass. She is an adult, he needs to hold her to adult standards.

If his hands should come out of his pants without a notable helping of testicals then it is time for you to move on to a partner with some testicular fortitude.

Sit him down, give him clarity on this issue and give him a choice. Man up or move on.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

BanjoPlayer's picture

What gets me is that her mum has had boyfriends & she doesn't play her face. She gets on well with her but I find that her mum is someone who thinks she is better than everyone else, even considering she cheated on my bf when they were together.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Doesn't matter. Dad is not ready to play with grown up ladies. Go find yourself a real man.

IslandGal's picture

This is on your partner. He needs to grow some balls and teach his kids manners.

If he can't do this - then if I were you, I'd be out 'cos it'll only get worse.