"StepMonster" needs advice
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. He has 3 kids from previous relationships....all different mom's (I know I should have ran). We have a son who is 22 months old and I am expecting our second child. For 7 years he has just had his kids every other weekend....sometimes weekends are switched or some kids 1 weekend and others the next bc of all the moms involved. It's a pain in the butt, but I've dealt as best as I could. For the first couple years I enjoyed being around the kids. Then we moved in together and now I can't stand them. I dread the times when they are going to be with us and I try to avoid them as much as possible. I don't even want my son around them.
Well its about to get worse. He is in a custody battle for his youngest daughter bc her mom is addicted to drugs
She currently is in custody of her grandma and that's who the battle is against. My boyfriend went and spent $5000 on a lawyer with out even asking me my thoughts. His daughter is not in danger now that she is with her grandma and her mom is not allowed to be around her unsupervised. I do not want him to get custody and have expressed my reasons bit he says he doesn't care how I feel and if I do not like it I can leave. He claims he doesn't care even that my son and future baby will not be living with him. I love him and he is a good dad to our son when it's just us. But when his daughter is involved I want to run and I'm so afraid what will happen if he gets custody. Do I give up and run? I have tried to try harder but I can't stand his daughter. She is 9 and she lies and steals and is treated like a baby because of her awful life. I appreciate any advice!
He should've said something
He should've said something to you, but he's within his rights to want custody of his child. I think any mom or dad would. It doesn't matter that she's not in danger. If she can't be with mom she should be with dad.
"he says he doesn't care how
"he says he doesn't care how I feel and if I do not like it I can leave. He claims he doesn't care even that my son and future baby will not be living with him."
plus
"I love him"
This is going to sound harsh, but are you sure he loves YOU? For the record, 'i don't care how you feel about this, just leave,' does not sound like love one single bit.
None of this is the kid's fault but that does not magically turn you and your kids into non-persons. You and they have needs, too. Your man has announced that the only person who counts is the girl. It is unlikely to change. Go to the Adult Skids forum and see how many stepparents are dealing with 25 year old/45 year old awful stepchildren who the dads/moms spend the family savings on, etc. That will be your future if you want to stay with this man.
I have most definitely
I have most definitely wondered if he really loves me.....he says if I could love his kids as my own things would be better. But there is always something they are doing that gets under my skin. I wish I could get over that and see if that would fix our issues.
@echo My parents are not
@echo My parents are not devastated by my life choices because you can't help who you fall in love with. And you do not know the circumstances of his past relationships. I didn't post this so someone could bash me. I asked for advice like many others gave.
This sounds too much like my
This sounds too much like my Skid's Sperm Idiot. 4 all out of wedlock spawn by 3 different baby mamas. My Skid is his eldest and our only. Sadly the Sperm Granparents are all proud of their son's single handed quest to fertilize every semi willing underage womb in the Pac NW. :sick:
I have been thinking about
I have been thinking about leaving for a while now....it's just taking that step. If I could get along with his kids I don't think we would have many problems. I just can't love them as my own pike he wants. It really is a mess with many more details I could've added but really I could write a book.
RUN
RUN
My OH was with his wife for
My OH was with his wife for 17 years, he has 3 kids SS19, SS17 and SD6......Ill concentrate on SD6 for this. BM is a waste of space most of the time, there have been many issues where even I have had to take over. Now, a while back my OH discussed going for custody, and as some have said, you cant halt that, its his child. I wasn't overly happy about it, she lies and manipulates too, but whilst under the same roof as me, she wouldn't be allowed to get away with that behaviour, and thats the bonus, But I wouldnt stop him. SOME skids, all they need is stability, others are just horrid little beasts!!!
Your OH should have discussed it with you, especially if money is joint. He may have said the things to you out of anger, but its something I would look into and think about. If they were not said in anger, I agree with everyone else.....WALK AWAY!!
The situation, 3 kids with 3 different people is suspicious Im afraid, and most people would not have got involved with him at all.
Keep in mind, a 9 year old
Keep in mind, a 9 year old who "lies and steals and gets treated like a baby" is going to turn into a teenager soon. You don't want that in your house. Trust me, that's what I have right now. It's horrible. Teenagers can cause a lot more damage than a 9 year old. You don't want that bad influence on your 2 bios. It's better they have no sibling (or half-sibling) than to have a bad sibling.
If you have other family support and if it's possible for you to get away from this situation, do it. Run fast. If he didn't discuss with you about getting custody, imagine all the things he won't discuss with you when it comes to decisions about the 9 year old.
If you decide to stay with this guy, my advice is to just focus on your own bios as much as possible and let the dad deal with the 9 year old. It will be like living 2 separate lives under the same roof. Is that really love or is it just coping with someone who you are now obligated to cope with?
Probably sucks either way. So sorry.
This guy not only reminds me
This guy not only reminds me of my Skid's Sperm Idiot (the progenitor of 4 out of wedlock spawn by 3 different baby mamas 2 of them who were underage), he also reminds me of a college classmate of my bride when we met. I was in my last semester of engineering school; she was working on the first semester of her BS in accounting.
She had a classmate who had 5 kids by 5 different baby mamas. He was zeroed in on my bride and was pushing hard for them to date. She did do a couple of motorcycle runs with him but they never dated. I graduated at the end of that semester and once I relocated for work Mr. Fertility amped up his full court press on my then GF. She kept her head in the game and avoided being his 6th baby mama but to this day, 20 years later, I will still occasionally give her crap for having had anything to do with Mr. Fertility. Having anything to do with him was shocking to me considering she was a single teen mom to a kid spawned by a guy very much like Mr. Fertility at that time in her life.
Once I relocated for work and came the realization that she was the one (the $700/mo phone bills were my clue) and we married Mr. Fertility used to call her occasionally. She had several suitors who called a few times per year for the first few years we were married. Worthless POS morons rarely have the basic intelligence to realize that they are worthless POS morons.
Go figure.