I need advice on how to how to handle issues with my Adult SD and her mother. Keep in mind I have no children of my own. I have been with her father since she was 15 (she is now 22). I have known her though since the day she was born. My SS (24) I have no personal issues with. I tried for the most part to get along with my SD. We would go shopping out to lunch ,etc. Her mother was very jealous (or so I was told) of this fact but I never ever tried to replace her mother. Even when she got married they (her mother and her) kept coming to me regarding all aspects of the wedding to the point I was doing everything and would argue through me. CRAZY! I finally put a stop to it. Her mother calls my DH for everything regarding her daughter and her grandkids. Its almost like she thinks that her grandkids are her kids with my husband as well.

Last year I finally realized that my SD only wanted something to do with me if her and her mother were fighting or I was spending money on her Then all of sudden everything changed... her Dad and I would stop by and she would act like I wasn't even in the room. She would tell her son "look Papaw is here" no mention of me (who he calls Grammy) and I was standing right there. She has not been to our house since Christmas and it is now August. They only time we hear from her is when she wants something from us. (her mom bails her out of her monetary situation she has) So I finally stepped back and quit spending the money. Of course now all contact with her and I have stopped. She posts stuff on social media about her Dad but then gets angry when friends of ours calls her out on it. My husband and I never respond to her rants on there. She has deleted me from her social media page twice, this last time I made no mention of it to her or my husband because its not worth the fight.

My husband finally sat down with her and talked with her and she said that her Mom says we should get our grandson more than we do and we spend to much time with other peoples children and should spend more time with her kids. oh and that I post pics of my life (whatever it is ..picnics with friends, vacations, etc)to make her mad. Of course my husband defended me and told her the first mistake you made was listening to your mother. Second, you have made it obvious that you want nothing to do with her so why should it matter what she posts. As for not getting our grandson..we both work full time jobs and my DH is out of town sometimes 2 weeks at a time. And my theory is we are grandparents not parents to her kids we should get him when we want to. We invite her to any and all picnics or functions we have and she chooses not to bring her children. Her mother has made several comments regarding my family and me (to my husband and my SD) but never to me. But then the next minute is calling my DH to ask me if I would help her with a problem she is having. Are you kidding me?

My SD just now gave birth to her second son and instead of giving her cash we bought her the bassinet she wanted. Once I did that for her she burned my phone up with text messages and it was like I have a new best friend. I tried not to get roped back into that again but I was trying to be nice.But when I was at the hospital yesterday during the birth (of course her mother was there) she hardly spoke to me and her mother was barking orders to everyone about who was taking the other grandson and for how long, etc. I just went and sat in another waiting room.

I am sorry if I am all over the board here but for months I have read others blogs trying to get insight into my own situation and I now decided to join and get advice. I am just fed up. My relationship with my DH is great and he defends me in this situation but I am afraid that the floor is going to fall out from under me and its going somehow its going to be my fault. He and his daughter were very close until I came into the picture. He has been divorced from her mother since she was 4 but never remarried until she was 15.

Do I disengage completely? I want to get along with my SD but I will also not be a door mat? I want to have relationships with her children. I would never mistreat her boys but I don't want to put my heart out to them and just have their mother and grandmother teach them to stomp on it. This is not effecting my relationship with my DH but when will it start? Help!!