Some advice?
Hi I'm new here and after reading around a bit I decided to finally post something. Our SS4 informed us that his BM has been bringing her boyfriend around when the kids are with her. BM and I are by no means friends but luckily we do get along somewhat. DH and BM have a good relationship, which bothers me a lot but that's not why I am posting. DH and I think that we have a right to meet who she brings around the skids. They had an agreement that could happen before she brought anyone around. This is the first time she has brought anyone around. Her last boyfriend she told that DH left her and wanted nothing to do with the kids and doesn't help her financially and is a piece of s*#%. What is your opinions? Do you think we should be able to meet the me. She decides to bring around?
No. That is her life not
No. That is her life not yours or your DH's to control. If SS4 is telling you about her "trying" to bring someone around, then you have nothing to fear he will also tell you if there is a problem in the future. Then DH will need to address it. The older the SS gets the less you will worry about things like that.
Nope...Not DH's business and
Nope...Not DH's business and it is certainly not your business.
What are you/DH going to gain from meeting him? It is not like he is going to tell you he is a terrible person when you meet. Sounds like your DH is jealous or you are being controlling.
Agreed, your DH doesn't have
Agreed, your DH doesn't have a right to meet BM's boyfriends (or friends, or coworkers, or anyone else she might bring around SS). (You even less so.) Her house, her business. Your house, your business. (As always, barring abuse.) Besides, what are you going to do if you don't like the guy? Tell BM she has to break up with him? Nah, no good can come of pushing this, just let it go.
Although I understand the
Although I understand the concept and it sounds like the right thing for a parent to want to do, meeting the partner of the ex really doesn't accomplish much.
Frankly, I'd rather get his name and do a background check. That won't tell you everything but if he's got a record for domestic violence or is a registered child molester, you have something to work with.
You are right it is none of
You are right it is none of our business. We just worry about the skids being so young and who influences them. I guess we are just upset because she said he could meet him and went back on her word.
I think it sounded like a
I think it sounded like a good idea when they separated but like the others have said its really pointless. Daddy has to assume she has good enough judgment and that she will check out boy friends background before leaving the kid alone with him. Which I doubt. Daddy could get his complete name and do so, at least see if he's on the sex offenders list which in California anyway is public information.
I found there is one living a few blocks away. Of course any guy who pats a secretary on the butt can end up there these days making it kinda pointless.
There is no court order or legal requirement to do so but if she volunteers to meet then sure meet at a donut shop and have a cup of coffee.
I guess we are just upset
I guess we are just upset because she said he could meet him and went back on her word
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
She probably realized how invasive it would be.
If you are that worried, do an extensive background check on the guy.
No, who BM sees and what she
No, who BM sees and what she does with the SKids on her time is not yours or DH's business.
If her men friends turn out to be abusive or otherwise bad for the Skids then you have to act.
I guess I got lucky with a
I guess I got lucky with a decent BM. (As much as it pains me to say this)
LOL same here! our BM has a
LOL same here! our BM has a new one every month, sometimes two per month and yes the SS meets every one of them. all but like 3 have had drug records. yaay..not much we can do about it though.
Sorry I'm used to talking to
Sorry I'm used to talking to my friends who just also call the skids "my kids" and "our kids" . I think you are all right. It is better to just let this go. BM might be a crappy person but I have to trust she has good judgement with the kids.