I don't think there is enough time in the day or room on the comments to name them all.
1) not my monkeys not my circus......these 6 words has made my life so much easier on SO many levels.
I don't just apply it to the skids, but BM and all things that do not effect MY WALLET, MY BIOS, MY RELATIONSHIP.
Stalk has taught me how to NOT have BM be a part of my everyday life and it has given me many tools to use and share with SO so that there are clear boundaries and they are kept in tact. I am sure there is more but I am leaving work for the day.

I would have left my DH 3 years ago. This site gave me courage to stand up for myself. Literally gave me the words to say. I now have a wonderful relationship with H who treats me as a SO and SD as a child. I has given me comfort and an outlet for my hurt and frustration. I won't say this has always been a "safehaven" because there are some people on here ready to attack. But, I decided to take the bad over the good. MOST people on here do mean well. But there are those others.... LOTS and lots of advice. I even made a few real life friends which has been the best!

I don't post alot but I do read everyday. I came here a couple of years ago, it really helps me to see other people going through what I have went through and to know that I'm not alone. I like this site because all the women and men on here tell it like it is!! They don't always sugar coat everything and make you think it's going to be alright. Cause you know what, it ain't always alright!! Life is hard, being a step-parent is very hard. Over 70% of marriages with kids already end in divorce. Support don't always come rose colored and if that is what you are looking for then you do need to go somewhere else. I am a tell it like it is person and I want people that I associate with, even if it's on a blog, to be that way too.

Confession: my first post in stalk came when I was just a gf and bm was nutso-butso and I was shocked.

My only experience with divorce was that of my parents, very civil- and my own where the ex and I considered each other extended family.

So my original post was something like, "let's protect these innocent children. Let's not convict them for the sins of their parents they are innocent ... Blah blah blah"

I quickly got a lynching and cancelled my account.

But i couldn't stay away. I kept coming back and back and back. Then I had my own stories to share and situations to vent about regarding bm and my wonderful ss who was raised by wear wolves (aka DH)

And now I've been converted. I've lived the sm life and get it.

Boy do I get it.

My conclusion is that it is completely difficult to step in as a parental figure to a child that you have no legal responsibility over. Not was the child raised with your values so usually this kid is off the hook with some / many of the things they do. It's hard. Plus. The kid resents you. Just cuz you're not the mom/dad.

I've thrown my hands in the air. Ss has told me over and over that I'm a way better mom than his is. But I still tell him, "sorry, that's your mom" regarding visitation, $$$, her drunkeness, her attempts to start problems, etc.

It is what it is.

I am the queen at my house and he will do what I say and fall in line. But, he also gets to go be with his crappy mom eowe and yes, he'll miss out on family vacations,dinners, events, parties, school activities, sporting events,.. But guess what, not my problem.

Steptalk has been a place for me to say what I want to say out loud (at least type out loud) and not be (too) harshly judged.

I've received fantastic ideas by reading other people's stories and the advice they are given - not only has it helped me with my SS's it has helped me parent my own sons better so that their SF (my DH) doesn't need to join up to this site! (there have been a couple of times my sons have done something and I've said to DH "you should join Steptalk and tell them about this, they'd probably tell you to run!").

You are a great bunch of people who deserve a community service medal for the amount of time and thought you spend helping (mostly) strangers who are desperately reaching out as there is no one in real life they can turn to. Often I wish some millionaire donated a bunch of money to this site so there could be a "superb advice" box you could tick on the really great comments/advice and a small amount of money can be paid to that person as a thank-you.

As another poster said, in really tough times I can at least read and know that there are plenty of other people in the world who can relate to the difficulties of steplife (or get perspective on how lucky I really am compared to the awful situations I often read about).

Thank you StepTalk and all the regulars on here who contribute their time and wisdom!

Coming here to StepTalk has been a huge relief!! I can vent about the HC BM in my life that I have to deal with and since most of the other posters on here have gone through what I am going through or much much worse, I get really helpful advice about what is the best ways to deal with each situation. I use both this site and CafeMom but for completely different reasons. Here I can talk about Steplife and over there I can post about TTC and SS3 Preschool years and mostly just comment in the step central forum. I favor this site for bitching and admitting when I am being a bitch or am wrong because I know that y'all will tell me that we all have these days and its okay. I can tell the crazy extraordinary things that BM does and here y'all aren't shocked, its just another post on another day. Its a shame that people can't seem to accept that there are more than one ways to handle the drama of our steplives and use each site accordingly. For those that like this site, stay over here and those that prefer the other, stay over there; those like me who find both useful then participate on both separately without comparing the two.

My SD's behavior shocked me, and DH's refusal to address it stressed me out years ago. That's when I found this site. I found a place to vent...it's therapeutic just to put it into words if nothing else. I found that my SD is not the only crazy teenager/young adult out there, and there are parents that are just as obstinate about doing anything about their kids' rotten behavior. Ah, it's not me!

I finally learned that it's not really my fault because I didn't try hard enough, which is something I struggled with for years.

Mine has been up and out for many years and I don't really have much to do with her anymore.

I'm here trying to learn how to deal with hurt, guilt and resentment and how to let go, forgive and quit obsessing and worrying.

It was a relief to read everyone elses stories and finally realize I'm not nearly as dysfunctional as all the other players wanted me to believe.

Scapegoating, anyone?

Even if things are (for now) peaceful in my neck of the woods, I still check in everyday to see how everyone else is doing.

All those years I thought I messed ot all up, was crazy, expected too much...

I know now I was dealing with very disordered people-DH, BM and SD.

I'm far from perfect but dammit I tried so hard and it's time to let go and move on.

Because of ST I can do this without gutwrenching guilt.

I nearly divorced H and crucified the skid because of the way things were being handled after we got married.

When I arrived stating I hated the skid, several members pointed me in the right direction. Showing me the skid wasn't the problem (though her behavior was completely unacceptable). That my H was the problem and how he was treating me and our relationship.

It's been a rough road. I still dislike being a step parent, but all in all I've made a few great friends from this site. And I've grown as a person and as an eggplant. }:)

This has site had been so good for me. I say a lot of crappy things here that I would never say to my husband and his spawn. I vent like crazy in here and my husband doesn't have to hear me bitch. That has probably saved our marriage.

Also, I was lucky enough to find this site in the very beginning stages of living with his kids. I think this site helped me put the brakes on all of the unrealistic fantasies DH and I had about how our lives would be once we were all under the same roof. I wanted to be the cool adult role model who was the complete opposite of their psychotic pathetic mother. DH and I were going to show them what a loving home looked like. We were going to be an example to them so they would learn the difference between healthy relationships and the dysfunctional co-dependent train wreck of a relationship they grew up watching. Well, I learned real quick that their loyalty lies with their mother no matter how crappy of a parent she is. This site helped me see that I didn't have to be ANYTHING to people who hated me for no other reason than that their dad loved me, not their mom.

I used to belong to a different site that wasn't very helpful at all. coming here, I learned that I am NOT alone in how I feel about a ton of issues. I found people who don't judge (mostly) and who understand what I'm saying and can offer helpful advice, commiserate with me, and set me head on straight when I'm about to lose it. I've become good friends with several women on here off the board. I can say how I really feel and I know that with the exception of a few who don't matter, even if people think I'm harsh, I'm safe to vent. Mostly I'm thankful for the real life friendships I've made.

It has made me laugh, made me cry, made me look at myself truthfully and question what my real intentions are. It has been a sounding board and a tool to learn from others. I appreciate what does go right for us so much more than I did before. It has helped me find the right words to dialogue better with DH about things that come up.

StepTalk was such validation. You mean OTHER people have crazy ass baby mamas they have to deal with as well?!?

Then I have to credit StepTalk and a few of its members for saving my marriage. Meaning, I decided to leave, left and DH got his head out his ass and made huge (necessary) changes to save our marriage. If it weren't for the support I got, I would probably be still in that situation and still enduring the verbal abuse. I'd venture to guess that even my DH would be thankful because his own life is a lot better now!

Endless hours of desperate BM entertainment!?

Also - I realized that I was in a relationship and I was struggling with BM and stepkids and I had not the FIRST clue about how to deal with it. I found STalk and lurked when I was 6 months in with DH. It showed me how to stand up for myself. It showed me that I had a right to my feelings as a person. It has exceeded far past my steplife but actually my real life. Plus I feel like I know you all and I'm always interested in what's going on in your lives.

I learned the mistakes that I was making as a GF and potential future SM.
I was WAY over-involved and over-stepping my bounds. I had all the good intentions in the world, but it was wrong wrong wrong! I learned to step back and let my SO parent the kids. I still have trouble with this, but I am learning!

I also learned that there is no right or wrong type of relationship. Whatever works out for you and your partner, if everyone is happy, that is what is most important. You can be together even though you are physically apart. You can be together without getting married. There is no time constraint on stages of your relationship.