GAH! No, no, no, no and HELL NO. Disengagement - learn it, live it, love it.

You are not the cook, the nanny, the maid, or the chauffeur. The only reasons to ever wash someone else's dirty socks is because you either love them or they're paying you. Heck, they don't even appreciate you, let alone pay you! Stop doing ANYTHING for them unless all of them (your DH included) say both "please" and "thank you". You do not cook anything special for them (sure, make enough of whatever YOU want so everyone can have some, that's it), you do not give them rides, you do not buy them clothing or supplies, you do not keep track of your DH's schedule. Those are the things you do for *family* - and your DH has made it clear by his actions that you are not "family" to those kids (or even to HIM if it's in conflict with the kids!). And I'll give you a little push - millions and millions of people in the world manage to do without you (or even anyone!) doing those things for them, and they get by in life just fine. Your DH and skids will have to figure out how to be like those people. They will manage. And you will feel SO much better!

You are NOT a horrible person, but you are being TREATED horribly - by both the kids AND your husband. STOP going out of your way for them, STOP being their free money, free ride, free laundry, free everything. If they can't even bother to treat you with the minimum of respect and appreciation, they do NOT deserve it.

Ummm..your skids are not ruining your marriage. Your DH is ruining your marriage.

Why are you disciplining them? Unless it directly affect you, leave them alone. If they create messes...have DH clean them ECT.

And STOP cleaning up after them. That is DH's job. Stop cooking for them, that is DH's job. Stop keeping up with the schedules, that is DH's job. Stop spending money on them, that is DH's job.

They are his kids after all. You should take the roll of the friendly Aunt and that is all.

Sit DH down and tell him that since he does not agree with the way you try to parent the skids, then you will leave it all up to him. And then follow through.

Your husband is the problem, yet you blame the kids for ruining your marriage. :?

double post see below

Honestly, what I would like to tell you is to file for legal separation.

Then move out. Live separately from now on. You can date him on non skid days.

Without all your money and free services, he will have to survive on his own and he will. So will the kids. Either he will figure out this is bad news and he will make actual changes in how the kids are parented and how you are treated and you can stay together. Or you will find out being free from slavery is awesome and you don't miss him that much on the days you don't see him and you can proceed to divorce.

Really. It's ridiculous to be doing that much including supporting them and get treated like an in-law on Solange Knowles' sh&t list.

Solange LOLOLOL

Husband and I keep having issues a lot of them about the step kids. They are his kids I don't have any children. Honestly I think the problem has more to do with our differing understanding of right and wrong. He seems to be a moral relativist and I am an absolutist. His kids don't seem to have any better understanding of right and wrong than he does and I blame him for that. Before we were married the kids were not in the picture. His daughter was not living at home, and wasn't even speaking to him. His son was in a Christian organization and did not live at home either. His daughter is now 18 and is living outside the home with her boyfriend.  However his 16 year old son moved in with us and ever since then we've had nothing but issues. I told him before he took him to live with us that I did not think it was a good idea and his response was he's his kid and I have to love him and if I don't want him to live with us that you know I don't care about him. Against my better judgment I went ahead and accepted it because I didn't want to fight. He still stays in touch with his first wife the children's mother. He used to run errands for her and go and see her from time to time just as a friend. She now lives in another state too far away for that so they still talk on the phone and text back and forth etc.. One of our problems is he does not include me in any decision that has to do with the kids. If he ever does include me in anything he'll ask me something right in front of his son. how am I supposed to say anything he doesn't want to hear at that point I feel ganged up on. I trytto get him to let me talk to himhabiut it later but thattdoesn't usually work. He still talks to his ex-wife and asks her opinion before he does anything with the kids. includes her and gives her all the information. They don't live with her she doesn't have to be around them. Also she is a moral relativist view as well. His son has ADHD which is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He does not get up and go to school on time without help even though he's able to. He just doesn't, he stays up too late and is overtired. He can't be trusted to take his medicine so we have to keep it in our room which means  when he gets up in the morning he has to come into our room to get his medicine. He's rebellious and talks back he does not respect his father and his father does not discipline him correctly. He stole my truck and wrecked it, he took his daddy's ATM cardcand useduit to take Ubers without our knowledge and also to steal money, he stole cigarettes and lighters, Vapes and the juice for that from his mom before she moved away. He stole money he found in our rooms or vehicles. I think he's the one who stole money from my mom's purse. Oftentimes his father will lose his patience and yell and threaten things that he has absolutely no intention of following through on and then later on he'll feel bad or he'll just get lazy and he won't follow through on anything. It's very frustrating to me. When his father actually does punish him it only means that he loses some toy for a day or so. It's frustrating to me that I'm not involved in any way as far as his discipline goes and if I even ask questions he gets irritated at me. I really miss the way things used to be. It seemed as though we were all much happier when when his son lived away and just came to visit. Even then he did not discipline his son correctly then either. When he acted nasty he threatened to bring him back to the organization he lived at, but he wasn't serious and his son knew it. The organization that he lived at did discipline him and seem to be making some progress with him. However part of the program involves feedback from the parents after a home visit and his dad used to lie all the time and give him credit for doing everything right. I know they knew that wasn't true but they had nothing else to go on so they couldn't take anything he did at home into account. My husband doesn't really make a serious effort to lose weight he kind of doesn't he kind of doesn't but not like he did being we first start seeing each other. This is extremely limiting on any activity including sex. He is constantly in pain because of his obesity and he has stated many times how unhappy he is with his body but he's unwilling to make any changes really. He has made  small changes and so he doesn't believe he's not making any changes, but he's not making the right changes, he's not making consistent changes, and he refuses to track what he eats. His son causes problems there too. He brings home junk food and goes and gets him junk food. He brings up the idea of bad fast food or other unhealthy food options. His father uses him as an excuse to get bad food because his son was hungry so they had to stop and get barbeque or pizza etc.. Now his daughter is speaking to him again and trying to say I don't treat her brother right. She is always wanting money or something like that. Daddy wants to spend money on her, take her places etc.. I'm the main income earner but have no say in whether he does anything for her or not. He wants her to come live with us but there's no way I would ever agree to that! I'd rather walk away from everything and let the house get foreclosed. imI praying for God to help our marriage but imI so discouraged.

Please belive me when I say that if you are having problems with discipline at this age and your husband not doing anything about it, not agreeing with you, it will ONLY get WORSE! I have been living with this same thing and now my SKIDS are 17 and 19. They are self entitled spoiled brats who have cussed him out, called him stupid, a piece of shit and I could go on and on. SS19 has even told him twice he would kill him. Empty threats from DH and lack of follow through and absoultely no consequences have made them what they are today. I was like you, I tried to enforce rules, hold them accountable and now I'm the bitch in the house and am blamed for everything. DH even admits he knows this is true. Now they are so ou of control he has given up and thrown up his hands and is allowing them to do as they please. SS comes in at all hours of the night during school week, there is never anything said. Its unreal.

I had to stop doing for them. I no longer cook for them, I do not do their laundry, I do nothing. Its to the point now when we are out of toilet paper they will text DH (even when he is out of town to tell him) because they know I'm done. I don't make doctor appointments, NOTHING!

I am choosing to stay in my marriage in hopes that they will be leaving soon. You have to decide if this is how you want to live. I may not have much longer. You on the other hand have years left. Can you continue this? DH will NOT change, I'm telling you. No matter how much you scream, cry, beg, throw fits, etc. He won't change. Good luck!