Post Engagement Glow
My fiancé is a sweetheart and I was ecstatic whenever he asked me to marry him two weeks ago. We were vacationing in a little Island in Ohio (Yes there are Islands in Ohio) called Put In Bay. We stayed at a quaint Bed and Breakfast and he romantically made the best of the torrential downpour that luck would have it enveloped us on this trip.
The Friday we first arrived his phone was blowing up and I wondered if this was "the weekend". His children too were acting strangely. (Boy age 14, Girl age 13, Boy age 11) His 13 year old daughter asked me if dad asked me to marry him what would I say?
He proposed in a unique way- at a gem mining place called Perry's Cove and despite the clues he actually did take me by surprise. As I said I was elated and from what I could tell the kids were too- his phone was blowing up.
But what we came back to was a mess: The kids were in trouble with their BM for "Being more happy for us then they were for her wedding."
And the kids wanted to vent about this- and I don't think its appropriate for me to listen to them vent about their mother (They'll just come to resent me and it'll drive a wedge between us as well as with the ex.)
Needless to say after much drama (unexpected) these past two weeks I found myself searching for forums related to step parenting because I wanna do this right and build a strong foundation. I love my fiancé and care about his children.
Anyone else on here in a similar situation? (I realize thats a silly question on StepTalk.org!)
Looking for some friends on here who have maybe lived through a thing or two and can advise me.
- newstepmomof3's blog
- Log in to post comments
Comments
Buckle up, you are in for a
Buckle up, you are in for a long, bumpy ride.
The BM sounds like one who is going to take her frustrations out on her kids and probably try to alienate them against you and their dad. Have you met her or had any dealings with her?
Proper boundaries are going to be a must, for the BM and the kids. Why is your FDH consulting his kids about his relationship with you? They are not equals in this equation. What kind of parent is your FDH? That is going to be very important and can make a huge difference in the family dynamics. If you two are not on the same page, there are going to be problems and resentments.
You are right, the kids' loyalty will remain with their mother, no matter how upset they may get with her. If they say anything about her, just say nothing.
We all started out wanting to do it right but if you have read some blogs and posts on here, you will see that depending on the BM's personality, the dad's parenting, and the step kids' behavior, it is not always easy.
I would suggest that you discuss with your FDH, anything that you may have concerns about. Discuss it now. Read some blogs and posts on this site. Maybe share some of it with your FDH. Believe me, things will come up that you never dreamed about.
"And the kids wanted to vent
"And the kids wanted to vent about this- and I don't think its appropriate for me to listen to them vent about their mother (They'll just come to resent me and it'll drive a wedge between us as well as with the ex.)"
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. This is very smart.
Thanks folks! I will
Thanks folks! I will download Stepmonster tonight...or should I say, this morning?