It wouldn't even have occurred to me to try this at the age of 14. That's why this girl sounds so troubled. At 14 she is physically nearly grown. Just when was the dad planning to start teaching her not to be violent?

I know, right? Like, I dont' get my way so I temper-tantrum at my wife. And I have no concept of where my kid learned to do that to other kids to get her way.

Do not underestimate the power of wilful blindness. Or selective reality.

Dammit, DracO!! I laughed so damn hard I spit out my salad!!

"The guy ran into her knife seventeen times!".. SHIT! I'm still crackin' up!!

Drac0! Name that movie!

http://www.quotesandmovies.com/2013/09/and-then-he-ran-into-my-knife-he-...

I am serious.
Where do you see this "BD has a birthday party, goes into her bedroom with her gifts, SD shows up at her bedroom door and demands that BD give SD her IPad. BD says no and SD assaults her in a fit of rage"?

Maybe I missed a post, but this one just says the fight happened the day after the party and doesn't specify location. That is a lot of time for the BD and the SD to have been messing with each other.
It could be that BD is perfect and SD is evil, but it could also be that OP didn't see whatever BD's role in the incident was.
Even if BD had no role at all, SD should be punished, but I don't think her future should be ruined over a fight with a kid her age, absent serious injury etc. And I think OP should have come to a decision about this with her husband, NOT her ex.

>going to the police is pretty extreme for a kids fight<

Oh I dunno, I can think of something MORE extreme than going to the police.

Are you fucking serious? Really? :? :jawdrop:

A 14yo thug beating a 13yo over not giving up her own birthday gift is just two kids fighting? Nope, one is a POS thug and the other is a victim. The 14yo is lucky the 13yo did not beat her skull in to mush with that I-Pad which I would have done if I were the 13yo. The edge or corner of an I-Pad would cave in a skull nicely if applied with appropriate force. I would not tolerate this crap from anyone. The 14yo and her idiot father are lucky that adjudication is the only consequence.

Mom and Dad (XH) did absolutely the right thing. Next step ... martial arts and concealed weapons training for the 13yo so that the 14yo never gets another chance to assault her without risking serious bodily injury or death.

I am not one to suggest abandoning a marriage over a kid issue but DH in this situation is a useless non man who needs to go. He is the problem.

I was confronted and assaulted four times when I was in my early teens three times by guys several years older than I was and once by a kid a year or so older than I was.

The first guy went to prison and the second went to the hospital after I beat him senseless with a piece of rebar. The third went to the hospital twice. The first time to have wounds sutured and the second to have BBs removed from his ass and back. A few months later he went to prison for raping his 6yo sister.

The first time I refused to kiss the school mascot on the floor of my Jr. HS. The tradition was that if you stepped on the mascot you kissed it. I never stepped on it. I was in 7th grade. The other kid was in 9th and had been held back a couple of times. He pulled a knife on me and I still refused to kiss the floor. He assaulted me, I fought back. He ran when a cheerleader walked in on the incident. The next day my parents dragged me to the principals office to recount the incident. The cheerleader was called and told what she had witnessed and the next day the hood was apprehended in the admin office by the police. He had the knife on him. He was never seen again. I was lucky not to have been killed but I could not accept being bullied.

The second incident was after an all night skate party charity fund raiser when I was about that same age. During the middle of the night a slightly older kid stole my Goody comb (very cool accessory for elephant bell bottom jeans in the late 70s)and I confronted him about it. He was forced to give it back by one of the chaperones. The next morning while I was waiting for my dad to pick me up the kid and a few of his thug buddies confronted me at the pick up area. He grabbed me and I told him to knock it off or I would kill him. He laughed and shoved me so I grabbed a ~3ft piece of rebar from a planter that was being built there and proceeded to beat the shit out of him and his friends. The police showed up about the same time my dad did. The thugs were dragged off, I went home with dad with handshakes from the police officers.

The third and fourth incidents were when a several years older kid decided he did not like me and that I would be an easy target for bullying. The first time I was home alone and heard voices outside of my parents bedroom. I stood on their bed and looked out to see two kids between our house and the bushes talking about getting me out of the house so the bigger one could kick my ass. The smaller one (a classmate of mine) knocked on the door and asked me to come out and talk. I came out and sat on my little brothers little kid Schwinn bike. I was sitting where I could see the bushes so when the bigger kid came out I was ready. He rushed me and I beat the snot out of him with my bro's bike When he was unconscious and bloody I turned on my classmate who quickly ran away. A few minutes later the thugs dad showed up after my classmate called him. He was pissed until I answered the door and he saw how much younger and smaller I was than his POS kid. He dragged the asshole off my his ear. The same two kids tried the same thing again a few days later and I filled the older one up with BBs from my Crossman CO2 BB pistol when I went out the back door and shot them from behind while they were hiding in the bushes waiting for me to come out the door for school. My classmate ran as soon as the older guy started howling. I was home alone both times.

I was not a fighter but when assaulted I did not tolerate it. I had a few more fights during JR high and HS. None of them did I start. My parents had my back and pressed charges whenever possible.

This 14yo better not be anywhere around when the 13yo gains the confidence to defend herself.

Mom and Dad (XH) are doing this thug a favor that idiot DH needs to recognize before his thug daughter meets up with someone who will effectively defend themselves.

And the good news ... good riddance if this thug spends time in Juvi.

Grrrr!!!!!!

" the reason behind it was pure jealousy and hate."
Do we really know this? OP see it that way and it could be that way, but more likely DD played a role too, even if she was smart enough not to do it in front of OP. Things are rarely so one sided.

And if you taught your kid using violence against their step sibling over jealousy for an iPad is okay, that would make you a shitty parent. Moreover, of you continued to sleep with a man who let your kind be abused by his own, I'd say you must be a sociopath

This could have been avoided if DH had the balls and adequate character to deal with it. Or if the 13yo had beat the 14yo's skull to mush with the I-Pad when the 14yo assaulted her.

Why are people defending a thug who assaulted another kid over a birthday gift? This is the exact reason we have this kind of crap so prevalent in our society. Rather than holding perpetrators responsible for their actions we try to blame the victim.

Mom and her XH (dad) did exactly the right thing IMHO and if DH allows this to end the marriage then good riddance IMHO.

I learned at that age that the only way to deal with a bully is to fight back. Getting hit hurts whether you a fighting back or not so a person might as well defend themselves than take a beating by a bully. Bullies are cowards when their targets fight back.

Sure the 13 could have teased or instigated but the evidence is to the contrary. This 14yo is lucky she is still breathing. Were I that 13yo I would have shared my I-Pad by implanting it in the 14yo's skull if she assaulted me.

Cracked ribs takes it up a level. I still would have been making my decisions with my husband though. I would hope that once he found out about cracked ribs, he would be more willing to work things out.
If not I would probably just leave. Still probably wouldn't call the police if I hadn't done it at the time of the fight.

My DH had a broken rib and 10 dislocated ribs from an attack by his brother. He didn't feel it right away either because of the adrenaline and disbelief of what had just happened to him.

My cousin has a hairline fracture on her foot that she got last Saturday and only noticed the pain a couple of days later. So yes, it is entirely possible.

I walked on a cracked foot for five days before I had to admit something was wrong. Instant pain? No. Discomfort yes at first, and THEN major fucking pain!! So no I think you are wrong.

Dup

good points. and now she's started a paper trail record that will serve as history in the event that ever happens.

Right?! My mama would kick MY ass if I let someone beat me. But that's a whole nother story.

I do think the new info about cracked ribs takes things up a level. IDK if DH was given this info and had the opportunity to re-evaluate his position or not.
It's also still possible that BD was involved in things escalating and she may need to be in counseling right along with SD.

Teens can fight, but step families are volitaile enough, if you sneeze at violence between step kids they WILL progressively use it more often and worse
These are NOT bio siblings with bonds of natural familial love. There NEEDS to be boundaries or else kids will feel unsafe and it will destroy the bond with bio parent.

If my parent let a step kid touch me I'd never speak with my parent again (and I'm saying that as someone who worships their parents). If a parent can't make their kid safe they FAILED the number one rule of parenting. There is no bigger failure than compromising bodily integrity of your offspring.

And I say yes it can. Besides my DH's own account I already posted, I once broke my ankle. Now, I twisted my ankle a lot so while I knew it was bad, I didn't know it was broken and I refused to let my mom take me to the doctor.

I WENT HUNTING with my BFF and her dad. They didn't have dogs so WE were the fetchers of the birds.

It wasn't until I couldn't walk AT ALL the next day that my mom wouldn't take NO for an answer.

Am I a troll since I walked all over on a broken ankle?

The poster was asked about injuries in this thread and no cracked ribs aren't instantaneous agony. Yes, there have been a bunch of trolls of late, but duration of membership is not proof of a troll. People need help and join whenever - even two days ago.

The only person behaving like a troll is you. This is after YOU were called out.

Learn to play nicely.

Oh for the love of Flying Mailboxes!

Three people (no wait FOUR people) have just told you that pain symptoms from a bone fracture can appear days after the initial impact. What's it gonna take for you to believe that? Stand still while I get my two-by-four...

I agree it was odd the cracked ribs weren't mentioned, but it could have been an oversight on the part of a stressed out person.
It makes no difference to me whether OP is a troll or not. If someone has nothing better to do than make up stories they aren't getting paid to write on the internet, who am I to stand in their way? And if it's real, posting here asks for opinions, in my book it is okay for everyone to have a different opinion.

that is my understanding too.
how can they posssibly know if the parent did it or someone else? a child could easily lie and say a sibling did it out of fear of reporting the parent.

Who said the kid shouldn't have consequences?

sue, i rarely agree with you, but in my personal experience, therapy has done NOTHING for my SD. she has gotten worse, to the point where even her father threw in the towel with it and said no more. the kid didnt want to go either.

now she's back weekly becuase she had a tiff with her bestie and "cant handle it".

as with any therapy, its only as good as what the person puts into it. the kid lies to everyone, so i assume she's lying to her therapist and placing all blame on this latest tiff on her bestie. knowing both girls, i am fairly certain my SD was the one who caused the problem, not the bestie.

I'm not a child therapist. However, you pretty much disenfranchised an entire profession solely based on personal bias. As far as I am concerned, you invalidated your own opinion.

I have two BIG bio-sons (~6'3, 225+#)who are now grown, but when they were teenagers and tried to act like idiots toward each other, all it took was for their much smaller mama to step in between them and say, "Excuse me?" for them to back the f*ck off.

Why? Because I beat their asses when they were of a more manageable size, which gives me a psychological edge even now. They would NEVER stand in my face and yell at me the way my SD12 does (and ALL of my grown kids are pissed she does it now.) That's because they learned RESPECT when they were young. And now they are good productive citizens because of it. (By the way, my bio-sons were stepkids from the time they were 5 and 1 years of age.)

If OP's DH had taken a belt to violent SD's ass right after the incident happened, or better yet a hand to her butt as a toddler, maybe the government wouldn't have to raise this kid.

This will probably cause a big stink, but I seem to be talented at creating big stinks. I am pro-spanking. It just makes more sense.