You are here

Anger Issue - Good Book So Far

CBCharlotte's picture

Hi all, I wasn't sure where to put this so I stuck it here.

My SO of 3 years has an anger/resentment problem. His reactions to triggers in no way correlate to how major of a problem the trigger is. Forgetting to turn off a light results in the same anger as staying out drinking MIA until 2am. I never know when it is coming....he will be totally normal and then go ballistic. Sometimes I think he is joking because his reaction is so over the top. One time I was cooking and I put a pot lid in what he felt was the wrong place and you seriously would have thought that I took his 11 year old's hands and held them in the hot flames.

It has become an issue and I'm no longer tolerating it. I've disengaged from his behavior. I leave the room, even if he follows me continuing to yell at me. I keep calm and refuse to respond to his tantrums and tell him I we can talk tomorrow or later on when he calms down.

I see a therapist once every other week just for my general sanity. None of my other friends have skids and really get what I'm going through. The skids are great and I really do love them, it is still a challenge though. I just turned 27 I feel like I have no control over aspects in my life, my SO and the skids dictate everything.

Anyway, my therapist recommended this book for my SO's anger issues. Sure, I get angry as well, but not HULK angry. However, I put a copy on SO's ipad and bought myself a copy. SO is against self help so he ignored it for a while. We had a talk and I said "I really want this to work, but how we are operating now is not healthy. We both need to make some positive improvements and communicate better. I say we read this together, one chapter a week, and we can work on one little thing a week"

The book is meant to be read and worked on one chapter at a time. He agreed, and actually read the first chapter and intro on his own last week. Ever since I really feel like he's been working on it. it isn't too "self-helpy" and with short and easy to practice chapters, he seems to be open to it. I just thought I would share it here in case anyone else has the same issues.

The name of the book is "ACT on Life Not on Anger: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Problem Anger". I got a used copy on Amazon for $3 or so.

thinkthrice's picture

Getting the Dance of Anger at the library right now! Chef blows up over nothing, but a lot of it is fueled by BOOZE. That and the fact that he is bitter over his divorce and three PASed out kids.

CompliKated's picture

I mean this with all the best intentions in the world but after being in a marriage with someone with anger problems I can see MANY red flags within your post. You are not married to this man and I really hope you stop trying to save him. You need therapy because of HIS problems that he has not addressed. Please leave and move on with your life. I know how you grow to think it is almost "normal" and feel you have learned to handle him. It is NOT normal, not your job to fix, and your life and happiness are more important than trying to save this man from his anger issues. Please leave.