bio daughter and stepson sleeping together
:sick:
My 19 yr old daughter has been living with her father while she's finished her tech school but came to spend the summer with her brothers and I. Our relationship has been rocky due to residual rebellion issues from her teen years but I'd hoped now that she's an adult and more mature we could move past that.
My 30 yr old stepson just recently dropped out of life again and landed on my SIL's couch. He's homeless, jobless and smokes a lot of pot...oh and he hates me and thinks I stole his father away from him. His father and I have been married for 2 years.
So these two meet and hit it off right away. I was initially happy because ss30's focus wasn't on hating me but instead being a "friend" to his new sister. ss30 and her have hung out almost every day either at our home or his aunts. He was sleeping on the couch for several nights in a row and coming in the house stoned with my daughter until I put my foot down and told DH that he had to go. DH said he felt like a bad parent telling ss30 he had to go. So ss30 got to stay another night but had to leave in the morning when dh went to work.
I went down in the morning to check on my daughter and found condom wrappers on the floor. We spoke about it later only for her to resort to screaming at me calling me a "B" "F YOU" "quit spying on me" and on and on. I'm disgusted with my daughter, even more fed up with my ss. Right now I'm the evil intrusive mother and the hateful uncaring stepmother. Damned if I do damned if I don't.
Not sure where to go from here but will be really glad when summer is over!
These are two adults. They
These are two adults. They don't have to stay with you and treat you with disrespect. They should be booted out of your home and told not to comeback. Don't enable this behaviour.
They can have sex, they are not related, but to treat your home like a whore house is unacceptable. Again toss them out.
Hope your post is legit too, btw.
Yes unfortunately it's legit.
Yes unfortunately it's legit. I've had about a week to calm down and think about the issues. Luckily darling daughter is going home in about a week and ss30 will not be spending the night here anymore.
exactly, I have 4 other minor
exactly, I have 4 other minor children in the house who've had to watch both of their bad behavior. One of my teen sons figured out that ss30 was not actually sleeping on the couch but really sneaking down to sleep with my daughter. He approached me about it after hearing my daughter screaming at me.
ss is gone, well for now
ss is gone, well for now until he gets thrown off someones couch and can guilt DH letting him sleep here for "just one night." Ugh...I'm so tired of having to put my foot down with a 30 yr old man. DD will be gone soon. She would have been sent home immediately but her father was off doing military stuff. I really had no idea she would be attracted to a balding, jobless, carless, homeless 30 yr old pothead. Guess she was bored and he had weed. She won't be coming back next summer or anytime soon until she grows up.
Nasty, nasty, nasty! Not sure how to not want to murder him next time I see him.
THANK GOD YOU FOUND CONDOMS!
THANK GOD YOU FOUND CONDOMS! There is some mercy in this situation. Think about it... :jawdrop: :sick:
No doubt! Any child of both
No doubt! Any child of both of theirs would be the spawn of Satan }:) I'm wondering how common it is for step siblings to hook up? I'm having a hard time processing this....
Ooooooowwwww, I would have
Ooooooowwwww, I would have lost it!!!! By bio daughter became involved with my SS many many years ago. Holy war broke out and I nearly lost me in the process, emotionally I was on a ship that was sinking fast! Since this came out and I approached SS, I have not seen him, it's been like 9 years now. I went thru every emotion you can think of. Family could not understand what all I was dealing with, I wasn't sure I even understood.
I would highly suggest that you find counseling for yourself and perhaps too for you and your husband as this has the potential to split families. I am actually surprised my marriage has survived.
The kids need to find a place of their own, you do not need to witness this. They are both adults and their choices are their choices. You do not need to put up with the disrespect and if this is what your daughter wants then what can you do about it? Let her go, let her figure it out for herself and find help for yourself.
I do plan on seeking
I do plan on seeking counseling this is really hard to talk about with anyone, "Hey can we talk, my beautiful 19yr old daughter is boinking my 30 yr old loser stepson and leaving condoms on the floor. Can you relate?" I did broach the subject with my SIL who was clueless about the situation since he's living at her house and my daughter is always over. My DH just kinda shrugs his shoulders. My daughter is still evil eyeing me like I was the one who did something awful. Her brothers are teasing her, my SS hasn't been around (the only good thing to come out of this). Why was there not a chapter about this in any of the parenting books?!
Yes, my reality was forever
Yes, my reality was forever changed when I found out about my daughter and SS. Like you I realized there was no one to talk to about this.....how do you say something like this to even a friend? Our kids were younger and they lived under our roof, husband had full custody of his sons. We were told after the fact after the kids moved out on their own. I recall telling my sister and she minimized it saying that they are adults and can make their own choices, not to worry. Perhaps I would have been better off thinking that way. As it was I was seriously traumatized that this was happening right under my nose. My daughter had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder when she was 18 and therapist said she believed she had been sexually abused. I asked so many questions but my daughter never admitted to anything.She quit school and moved out of the house 3 months shy of graduating high school. I was dealing with her nightmare but not knowing what the source of the pain was til much much later. When it finally came out I wanted to hear from both of them, not just my daughter as I wanted to know who started it. SS refused to speak to me and I have not seen him since. We were one time at the same function with family, as soon as he knew I was there he left. The only thing I ever got from this was pointed fingers, the kids blaming each other. The boy did admit that my daughter tried to stop it and he didn't want it to stop. He admitted to his dad that he could not stop himself. She at that point endured his harassment for sex and at that point it was not mutual whereas before that point it does sound like it had been.
My family supported my daughter. My husband's family supported SS. My daughter and I were called liars by the bio mom, basically SS lied to his mom and told her that he didn't do this. I have no idea if he ever told her the truth. Husband's family told me that they didn't want to know any of this and felt they should not have been involved. I was trying to figure out if any of the cousins had also been victims. To this day I have no relationship with any of my inlaws as a result of all of this. Husband and I had been together for 15 years at this point. I don't know if it would have been any easier to deal with earlier in the marriage. I found it terribly hard to deal with.
Oooh, that's terrible that it
Oooh, that's terrible that it was going on when they were kids. I'm so sorry. Having a hard enough time dealing with my 19yr old and this situation. You and hubby must have a very strong bond to stay together through all of this drama, 15 yrs is impressive! I don't know how a marriage can survive when you hate your spouse's child and don't want them anywhere near you or your children. my DH always gets defensive when the subject of his loser son comes up, ss30 is really our only marital issue. I try not to talk about him unless it's absolutely necessary that's why I'm here venting and will go to a professional soon.
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and yes, I did lose it for a
and yes, I did lose it for a couple of days. Since then I've been taking Kava to mellow myself out.
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I would be sending the
I would be sending the daughter home early and kicking the SS out of my house forever. Unfortunately, there is nothing here since they are not biologically related, but it still is slimy.
You might also want to tell the daughter that your house is not a place to shack up. If she wants to do that she needs to get a motel room.
This is very disrespectful behavior to you and your husband both. Nip it in the bud if you can, and don't condone it.
Oh, be sure to give your ex-husband the heads up on what has been going on. Don't worry about if he tells you its her life, etc. Just that you want him to know what has been going on with the daughter.
Agree with all you said,
Agree with all you said, especially the fact that it's her life. She can do whatever she wants with it but definitely not under my roof. I had initially offered to help get her on her adult feet but that has been rescinded. She and SS are a lot alike, they want to have all the freedoms of being adults but none of the responsibility or respect, hence shacking up and getting stoned in mommy and daddys basement.
And that is why they both
And that is why they both need to be thrown out. If they want to be adults, they should be acting like adults, supporting themselves, making a living, etc. If your DD wants to live at home it is under YOUR rules. She doesn't like them? Out she goes.
My own DD, who turned out quite well, would always like to push my rules when she was home from college. She never tried to bring anyone in the house like that, gawd, I would have hit the roof and thrown her out right then if she ever did. But she always pushed the rules about curfews - I believe midnight is late enough unless I am told that you are going to be later so I didn't worry about her. She got the message...took awhile, but the "power of the purse" - that being I was paying her college tuition, etc. won out.
I wasn't being mean, I just would find that if she wasn't home I had a hard time getting to sleep, or staying asleep. Typical parent. We had many a head to head confrontation about things, where she knew better. But, now that she is a Mom she has admitted that I was right quite a few times.
Bringing in some random guy
Bringing in some random guy would've been stopped immediately but SS30 who was already here couch surfing for the night with DH's permission was a different story. But now I'm so done with him, he will never sleep another night here ever. I will happily put him up in a hotel rather than have to see his jobless stoned slug face in the morning.
daughter thinks she can do whatever she wants now that she's and "adult." She stayed out a few nights not returning my calls, not letting me know where she was. Yeah, I'm done with that too. I'll help her get on her little feet by contributing a few months rent with roomies or something like that. In the end hotels and rent contributions will be cheaper than my need for constant therapy!