my partner has ruined my relationship with his son.
the latest drama started with SS(16) asking in his first GF (been together for a few weeks)could sleep over. We knew it was coming as SS was staying at ours so he could see her )BM won't allow messing round in her house, bit DH is glad cause he was a bit worried son was gay). We agreed he was to young, apart from the fact he is doing nothing - refuses(and is allowed)to go to school, isn't interested in working(I overheard him telling my 16yr old daughter that he's"rather enjoying" doing nothing.
DH and I have been together for 15 years - so I've parented his child like my own. DH has three other sons from his first marriage and SS16 is the result of and affair with a much younger woman. He's the classic guilty parent. SS has been allowed to skip house depending on who's got the best offer at the time - or to avoid ever being responsible for anything. BM and DH don't speak at all - so the kid learn t the art of manipulation at a very young age and now is an expert at parent manipulation.
Anyway - back to the issue. DH and I were heading home from town when he announced SS had something to ask me - could GF sleep over. I was gobsmacked - we'd already agreed it wasn't going to happen at this point. I repeated what we'de agreed on and DH got annoyed.
fastforward to evening - SS milling around so as soon as I left the room I heard DH prompt SS to"ask me". When I returned SS came straight out and aske. I said no, and the reasons why. SS gave me a mouthful of guff and stormed out. DH followed him and said he should apologise. SS refused so DH came back and started on me. I was "A bit harsh".Blah blah. So we ended up arguing(SS pleased with this) and DH tells ss GF can sleep over.(I didn't know this till following morning.
DH admitted he'd told SS GF could say out of spite for me and regretted it. I asked him how I was supposed to deal with this girl coming to my house knowing I'd said no. He said he didn't know but"we'll see how you go". So GF turns up next morning and left after DH prompted at seven the following nigh. Didn't see her once - SS took meal to her. Naturally VERY annoyed.
The following morning SS skips back to BM. Didn't see him for two weeks life returned to normal. The he turns up again.
GF straight over - didn't even know till DH informs me when I'm serving dinner that ss has company so hold his meal. Got annoyed because I hate people in my home that don't even have the courtesy to say the are here. DH responds "all kids are like that".
Over the following days ss has manipulated DH's time. We get no privacy at all - he hovers around all day till GF turns up, the reappears when she leaves for his dinner.
Skip to a week and a half later(I think BM must have kicked him out again)It's done my head in. DH and I got into an argument, SS won't give us space to sort ourselves - so SS pips up and says with a smug look he thinks I need vallium - DH found this rather amusing. I lost it at both of them.