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At what age do skids stop having crying meltdowns?

bug3211's picture

SS8 threw a crying fit because we asked him to use a fork on his spaghetti at a restaurant. He had been using a fork on spaghetti at home recently so I don't know why he threw a fit over it this time. I think BM lets him still eat spaghetti with his hands. He cried for an hour over this. I looked up temper tantrums and they are supposed to stop at age 4. Are your skids still having meltdowns? I do have to hand it to DH he told ss8 that we would not go back to that restaurant which is one of ss8's favorites for a year since he didn't eat anything.

Dizzy's picture

I never had temper tantrums until DH taught me that that's the best way to get changes made. Kidding/not kidding.

Our girls, at age 6 & 10, have never had temper tantrums. Why? Because they know that it would accomplish nothing, other than being told to go to their room until they can pull themselves together. My little one has a couple of times seemed like she was gonna try that route and quickly learned that pulling herself together in her room causes her to miss out, as we continue on with life and she just doesn't want to miss anything.

Orange County Ca's picture

I hope he wasn't allowed to stay in the restaurant while this went on for an hour.

When my kid acted up in a restaurant he was immediately marched outside and told he could come in when he was ready to act his age. If it was something he was warned about and ignored he got a few swats also right there in public. It never took more than a few minutes.

Anything close to a tantrum and they were sent into their bedroom and told to not come out until they could act decently. Decently being decided upon by the parent and more than once they were sent back for a second try.

Tantrums in public should be ignored while the parent walks off. Being abandoned is worse than anything else and forces the kid to quit on his own and run after the parent. Very embarrassing for the kid and the parent doesn't get stared at while trying to grab a kids arm. Just leave em in place - a kidnapper is not behind every vending machine despite popular belief.

At 8 years your step is due to be cracked down on as he is way overdue. I think in my life I've never seen a kid who was over 5 throwing a tantrum.

learningallthetime's picture

It is a behavior with learned results! I will not tolerate it from BS7 and he has only had 2 tantrums in 2 years! Once because he was caught doing something pretty bad and knew it, once because he was super frustrated, and I could completely understand why, but shut down the behavior as unacceptable. A major factor is I will shut it down BEFORE it gets to that stage.

As an example, with my ex (I know, I know, always seems to go there!) he complains that everyone always yells and is emotional. Well, it is because the fool is completely clueless and could not care less until someone reacts like that! When I was with him, I would ask and ask and ask, no change, but if I opted for yelling, screaming and crying...things would get done instantly! He would then bitch and complain that I acted like a kid, and I would tell him, hey I asked you politely and nicely, nothing happened, tantrum...you did it...who is the fool here? And who is giving positive reinforcement for the tantrum?! He never seemed to grasp it...which is why he now has 4 kids throwing tantrums at his and is completely confused as to why me and the other BM do not see the behavior!

ian_paine's picture

SS19 still does them, BM (DW) normally caves in some way. Until recently he would sit in his room with the door open exactly six inches and cry for hours at a time. It's worst when he gets caught or called out. He is a bullying little jerk unless I am around. Then he sulks and pouts for days on end. SS16 is more aggressive and will slam doors, scream obscenities, etc. He knows they don't work on me. When he was 8, he threatened to scream as loud as he could, and then did it. Then threatened to scream again. I said, "OK." I've never seen sails deflate that fast.

BethAnne's picture

I had an ex who had what i can only describe as temper tantrums. His parent taught him to hit things or break things when he was angry as a kid. Guess what? That is what he still did as an adult. I suppose it is better than hitting a person.

Calypso1977's picture

my SD13 eats with her hands,including chicken parm. at a restaurant. ridiculous!

bug3211's picture

I would tell her that if she didn't use a fork that you would never take her to a restaurant again.

memyselfandi's picture

Again, I thought I was the only one with this issue..

Ugh..it's absolutely disgusting as SD12 picks apart all her food with her fingers (she gets this from BM) and has to literally "examine" everything on her plate. Just recently she's refused to eat "kid food" and always asks if she can order a steak. We'd gone that expensive route just to get her to eat while she's picked the steak apart, "Ewww..there's fat on this..yuck.." and picks and picks at it until the steak is all over her plate..eating little of it again..because there's fat on it.

I've finally found the solution to THAT one and suggested she get the steak sandwich so that she can take the bun off (as she'll pick all the edges off and only eat the middle..Good GAWD!!) so heaven forbid she get a burger as she said she doesn't like cheap meat...it'd "DE-SGUSTING".

I think I've rolled my eyes back so often I've seen my hair grow!!

The worst one was when we were out eating all you can eat spaghetti. I've posted this before so for those that know where I'm going with this, bear with me.

Of course she won't use a fork but insists on picking through everything. As she's picking through her spaghetti for "weird stuff" and wiping it on her napkin..she then decides that all the meat in the spaghetti has these "weird" things in it and proceeds to try and wipe all the meat out of the spaghetti sauce on her plate. As she's making more and more of a mess with the pile of napkins we got up and grabbed from the waitress station..she finally decided that that the spaghetti on her plate was good enough to eat and proceeded to eat it with her fingers.

Took less than five minutes and she was full. As the rest of us were finished eating, she takes all those gross spaghetti filled napkins and decides to shove them in our half empty water glasses..takes the rest of our plates..and squishes what food was left on them into one gross ass mess.

I feel sorry for any guy she dates..seriously!!

Calypso1977's picture

SD13 still has crying fit meltdowns when she doesnt get her way. yes, not a type-o. 13. THIRTEEN.

sickofitall's picture

Never. My SD had a crying fit in frigging Disney World because her and DD who was 11 btw were collecting pins from cast members and my DD got one that SD wanted and wouldnt give it to her! DD got there first and saw it and asked for it. SD just expected DD to hand it over. SD was 16!!!

We left her crying in Epcot-Germany I think LOL and she finally caught up with us when she saw we werent giving in.

One of the many reasons she probably hates us probably.Oh well. 7 months til shes emancipated!! Smile

wth was I thinking's picture

Same here. SDstb10 does them with regularity, so does her mother. I can't tell you how many times that lunatic has called DH crying and throwing a fit because of the most trivial b.s.

ncgal1980's picture

SS7 had an all-out tantrum - complete with writhing on the floor and kicking and screaming - one night last week when DH refused to tie his shoes for him.

DH stood there and tried "reasoning" with him. Oh please. I walked the hell out and left them alone in their ridiculous misery.

bug3211's picture

SS8 still doesn't know how to tie shoes. He has Velcro or slip-on shoes. SS8 is gifted and reads at an 8th grade level, but he is well below age level on doing things for himself. I shouldn't be teaching an 8 year old which foods to use a fork on. That is something a three year old learns.

rahrah2019's picture

They do it until it no longer works. My SS will turn on the tears for daddy at times (not a tantrum, but the same principle applies), because he knows daddy can't stand seeing him cry. Kids manipulate, they do what has worked in the past. So make it stop working, and there may be a chance.

memyselfandi's picture

To be honest, I don't think they ever do...

When the crying tantrums stop, it goes into dramatic meltdowns. After that comes the ever most awful and popular passive aggressiveness as they get into their teens.

AmIWicked's picture

Yeah, I never thought I would be telling a 16 year old girl, "waffles are not a finger food, please go wash your hands and use the fork Denny's has provided"
-It's very hard to teach her not to do it, when her 23 year old aunt is doing it a few seats down the table... argh...