I can't even look at her
My husband and I were married a year and a half ago. His daughter would come and visit for a few weeks at a time throughout the year and it was always fun and pleasant. Well, six months ago her biological mother became too unfit to parent her any longer and my husband was awarded full custody. The first couple months I was alright with it, though I dont believe I was prepared to be a full time parent.
A little about myself. My husband is 36, I am 25, and we are very much in love. The daughter is 15. I just cannot form a bond with her, and I thought that just telling her I love her and acting out the motions would make it eventually come naturally. But despite how hard I tried, I just cannot trust her, and I cannot love her. Her strange behavior lead us to snoop on her laptop where we found inappropiate pictures she took, and also a whole slew of lies, which doesnt help with my distrust in her. To refrain from being mean, I have isolated myself away from her, and do not speak to her. I cannot make eye contact with her and when she is in the house, I feel sick to my stomach.
Its so difficult because I love my husband so much and I know it is a package deal. I talked to him about my feelings and he has been very loving and supportive and has been picking up some extra slack due to my increased stress levels. On top of this I work full time, and 4 months ago I herniated a disc in my spine and pinched my sciatic nerve.
I feel horrible that I feel the way that I do, but at the same time, I dont know how to fix it. It feels so hopeless. My family has stepped in and will invite her over for fun slumber parties on saturdays so that my husband and I can have a date night, but I feel dread when she walks through the door, almost like I am suffocating and I cease to be able to breathe easy.
Am I a monster? Are my feelings legitimate? Is there a solution? Please help.
Its funny, I always
Its funny, I always thought... if we just had custody of his kids things would be so much easier!! lol. Im not making light of your situation. I completely understand. First of all, its hard to swallow situations that you dont want and didnt ask for.. With that being said, it took a while for me to "have feelings" for my step kids and alot of it, they brought on themselves. Im a firm believer of you only get so many chances with me. My SD was a huge liar!!! BUT I realized early on, she wasnt trying to be sneaky or cause trouble. She was trying to please EVERYBODY! so I talked to her about it and told her, dont kill yourself trying to please everybody, just be yourself and she got much better. THen she got pregnant at 16! sooooo disappointed and sad...then it would get good, then she would screw up again. It was like being on a roller coaster!!! We would talk and it was like torture for her but for me it gave me a feeling of hey, ive said my peace but I know that I have no control over the whole situation. Sometimes she made me sick and I dreaded being around her but she is now 21 and we are not super close but much closer than weve ever been. Unfortunately, I think it just takes time. sometimes years!! So, try talking to your step daughter and remember that you are the adult and she is a bratty, confused kid who just had to leave her bm's house. That would be rough on any kid. It must have been bad for them to pull her, maybe she would appreciate it if you gave it a try. Bottom line, it will make the pnext 3 years better for YOU as well! I wish you luck!!
And no your not a monster
And no your not a monster
Part of the issue is that you
Part of the issue is that you are only 25. You are too young for this. Also, back pain is horrible. She is a teenager and they are awful as well. THis is just a bad situation that you need to just let be and do what is best for you.
I have taken a major step
I have taken a major step back and have not been doing any of the parenting. She was bragging recently about what a great liar and manipulator she is from living with her bm. She is constantly lying to people and telling them how mean i am and how i never let her go anywhere... which is really strange because she doesnt ever ask me, and when she does, I tell her to ask her dad. But yea, Im too young for this, back pain sucks, and teenagers are awful. That about sums it up